wontgohomewou Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Well, I went through a pretty messed up break up. One day at random I got dumped. Didn't see it coming, but that's because I was dumb and naive. A week before the break up she said she wanted 'space' and I didn't really know what that meant since she was my first. Well, I've been NC for only 10 days, 6 months since break up, and only sometimes I get the urge to talk to her when things in my life are going wrong. But then I remember what she said to me just a month ago, 'Do you just look for sympathy when things aren't going well in your family?'. Well my LoveShack friends, I will not be seeing her until Aug 22. when school starts again. She lives on the same floor as me and it is way too late to change to anything decent. By then I will be NC with her for 2 months and some days. When I see her, should I say hi? I honestly don't want to. She kinda broke my heart and I don't really want to be her friend. Suggestions would be awesome! Thanks.
asuman Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 You need to be purely selfish in this situation. Will giving her the cold shoulder make you feel better? If so, do it.
boogieboy Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Yeah theres no reason to talk to her if you dont want to. Dont worry about how she feels, she broke up with you. She doeesnt get the benefit of your friendship.
Hannah86 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 it sounds like a part of you wants to talk to her. You will be amazed at how much you will change in two months. You two might even be able to be friends. While NC might be a good idea, I think it will be best to be friendly to her when you see her. Let her say hi first, be cordial to her friends. Always smile and don't sulk around her. Whatever you do, do not talk about the relationship the two of you had, how you treated her, how she treated you, etc. That conversation is completely off limits.
Author wontgohomewou Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 Haha now I'm confused!!! Both seem to be the right advice. I don't know Hannah86, she really did hurt me big time and broke my heart over and over and the lies after the break up were HUGE! I mean, I'm obviously still in love with her, but I'm just better at controlling my emotions, and my life seems so much better with her out of it. I am at good terms with most of her friends(not the drama filled ones), they know I'm a pretty decent guy. It's just that, inside I've been hurt by her so bad that it's scarred me big time. Besides, I seem to fall in love with her every time I see her and even in two months it IS going to kill me to see her with another guy. If she says hi, can I just smile instead of saying hi back? I don't know, I'm broken up inside. I love her so much but she's hurt me so much that I really am scared of her. And this is the opposite of the person I am, I'm usually the friendly douchebag type that doesn't really care about most things. Relationships suck!
nomoregummybears Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 Ouch...this seems like a very similar situation to what basically became the story of my life for the past few months. At least in the whole messy breakup, her being my "first", still caring for her while too hurt to be friends, but STILL stuck having to see her every day two doors down the hall kind of way. Ugh, that was hell. I can say I've actually both tried cold NC and being friendly/cordial with her, mostly depending on my mood slash how I'm feeling about her at the time. The way you described how you feel about her, if you're still feeling the same way August comes around, I would still recommend holding off talking to her for at least a little while. I think it's important to set your feet and spend your time getting to know the other people in your floor first without the added burden of having to worry about what to do in your next encounter with her. If you see her in the hall, just smile, maybe ask how she is, and keep going. Never be rude to her, but you don't have to waste your time talking to someone who doesn't return the feelings. If you want, you can tell her why you're not speaking with her, but seeing as she ended things so suddenly, I don't think you're really in any obligation to do so. The mistake early on was to allow the fact that she was just a few doors away get into my head. This is YOUR life. Time to recollect yourself and move on for now. If she misses you, she'll come find you. Seeing your living situation, you shouldn't be that hard to track down. =P Hannah's advice about not talking about the relationship is spot on, by the way. Been there, done that. If there's a shot at you guys becoming friends again, you need a fresh start. She has to EARN you back, though.
Author wontgohomewou Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 Ouch...this seems like a very similar situation to what basically became the story of my life for the past few months. At least in the whole messy breakup, her being my "first", still caring for her while too hurt to be friends, but STILL stuck having to see her every day two doors down the hall kind of way. Ugh, that was hell. I can say I've actually both tried cold NC and being friendly/cordial with her, mostly depending on my mood slash how I'm feeling about her at the time. The way you described how you feel about her, if you're still feeling the same way August comes around, I would still recommend holding off talking to her for at least a little while. I think it's important to set your feet and spend your time getting to know the other people in your floor first without the added burden of having to worry about what to do in your next encounter with her. If you see her in the hall, just smile, maybe ask how she is, and keep going. Never be rude to her, but you don't have to waste your time talking to someone who doesn't return the feelings. If you want, you can tell her why you're not speaking with her, but seeing as she ended things so suddenly, I don't think you're really in any obligation to do so. The mistake early on was to allow the fact that she was just a few doors away get into my head. This is YOUR life. Time to recollect yourself and move on for now. If she misses you, she'll come find you. Seeing your living situation, you shouldn't be that hard to track down. =P Hannah's advice about not talking about the relationship is spot on, by the way. Been there, done that. If there's a shot at you guys becoming friends again, you need a fresh start. She has to EARN you back, though. Well, she does know why I'm not talking to her. I told her I need some time away from her to get my life back on track because she just kept bringing me down when I talked to her. I have been doing much better thank God, but I'm really confused as to what to do when I see her. I honestly have no problem completely ignoring her, but people are telling me that's just rude. I don't see why I HAVE to say hi to her since she did just suddenly end it and said HORRIBLE stuff about me to my cousin(trust me, you don't want to know). The sad thing is that even after all that we still care about them. I have no problem meeting people on my floor, I am a very social person. I can probably make a friend in 5 minutes just by a little talk lol. Her being just a couple doors down doesn't phase me at all, just a little annoying. I love your last sentence though, she does have to earn me back as a friend. It's just very hard being friends with someone you ALWAYS had feelings for though. SOOO for now I think I'll stick to NC until I can see her with another guy and not get sad about it. Thanks for your help guys!
Author wontgohomewou Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 Also, would you mind giving me more detail on how everything went with you and your ex when you were on the same floor. My sn is AK911psu if you don't feel comfortable posting it on this forum. Thanks man. -AK
Recommended Posts