nyr81 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 So I've been trying online dating and the last 5 dates I have gone I have not gotten a second date. You would think that with 5 first dates at least one or maybe two would get to a second? Somehow I'm not buying the "there was no connection" bit anymore because for me personally I didn't feel that instant connection on 2 or 3 of those dates and was willing to try going out again. Is this just a string of bad luck? Maybe something I'm doing not perhaps not doing on the first date?
boogieboy Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Are your pictures not accurate? That is one thing that would turn a woman off at first sight. It takes a lot for a woman to meet you somewhere after looking online, so youre hooking them fine. What site are you using? Could be a number of things. You could act awkward in person, have no confidence (they smell that) you could eat funny, maybe you spit when you talk. Maybe you have a high voice or come off too eager. Have you tried to access what youre doing in these dates?
Author nyr81 Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 Sure I've accessed..I actually thought a few of them went really well..alot of laughs. I use eharmony..accurate pictures? i mean why wouldnt they be? I dont act cocky if thats what you mean about confidence..i think i act like I normally would..of course with nerves but who wouldnt have that
lab_brat Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Did you smell (breath, clothes etc)? Did you talk too much (more than 50% of the time?) Were your stories braggy, self-pitying, or clear fabrications? Did you mention your religion, politics anything controversial you have strong views about? Did you talk about what a bitch your ex is? Did you say anything like 'i've been hurt before', or 'nice guys finish last' or anything self-pitying, whingy, or passive-agressive? Were you too forward- were you being too touchy feely? Did you ask her about herself, and listen? Did you pay for dinner/coffee? Do you chew with your mouth open? Do you tell dirty jokes/stories? (clearly i've had some bad dates before) Perhaps it is just bad luck? I mean on any given day, if you're in a room with 20 women, chances are there won't be chemistry/connections with 15 or so of them anyway. Have you considered politely emailing one of the women you went out with and asking? Just say- hey, i'm new to dating, have been out on a couple of dates and doesn't seem to be working, are there any pointers she can give you about improving your date technique? If you're lucky, she will reply (in a v. kindly worded email), perhaps something like:- 'well, you're very chatty' (translated ' you didn't shut the hell up the whole 2 hours!) or 'try to work on your eye contact (translated: you stared at my chest the whole time, you frickin pig!) Maybe that would be helpful? Good luck
Art_Critic Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Did you smell (breath, clothes etc)? Did you talk too much (more than 50% of the time?) Were your stories braggy, self-pitying, or clear fabrications? Did you mention your religion, politics anything controversial you have strong views about? Did you talk about what a bitch your ex is? Did you say anything like 'i've been hurt before', or 'nice guys finish last' or anything self-pitying, whingy, or passive-agressive? Were you too forward- were you being too touchy feely? Did you ask her about herself, and listen? Did you pay for dinner/coffee? Do you chew with your mouth open? Do you tell dirty jokes/stories? (clearly i've had some bad dates before) Perhaps it is just bad luck? I mean on any given day, if you're in a room with 20 women, chances are there won't be chemistry/connections with 15 or so of them anyway. Have you considered politely emailing one of the women you went out with and asking? Just say- hey, i'm new to dating, have been out on a couple of dates and doesn't seem to be working, are there any pointers she can give you about improving your date technique? If you're lucky, she will reply (in a v. kindly worded email), perhaps something like:- 'well, you're very chatty' (translated ' you didn't shut the hell up the whole 2 hours!) or 'try to work on your eye contact (translated: you stared at my chest the whole time, you frickin pig!) Maybe that would be helpful? Good luck Damn Lab_brat.. but yeah.. I think you covered it.. Some of those wouldn't be deal breakers if there was a connection though.. Oh OP.. do you smoke cigarettes or live in a house with someone who does ? any weird pets ?.. I had a date from eharmoney when I was single and dating that had a huge iguana that lived in the house not in a cage and pooped on the kitchen floor.. 100-1 she never had any second dates either.. at least I didn't give her one
lab_brat Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 Damn Lab_brat.. but yeah.. I think you covered it.. Some of those wouldn't be deal breakers if there was a connection though.. Oh OP.. do you smoke cigarettes or live in a house with someone who does ? any weird pets ?.. I had a date from eharmoney when I was single and dating that had a huge iguana that lived in the house not in a cage and pooped on the kitchen floor.. 100-1 she never had any second dates either.. at least I didn't give her one Oops, i tend to type excessively when hyped up on sugar Why didn't you go out with iguana girl again? Iguanas are awesome! I'd go on the second date (y'know if she was a guy, and taught the iguana to poop in a kitty litter tray or something...)
Intricategirl Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 Dating doesn't have much to do with "luck". You're going after and attracting flaky people, or you're doing something to cause them to not want to go out with you again, or something...
patcha Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 What's the conversation about then? If you can record the next one, type out a transcript for us.
Cora Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Are you pretty outgoing or really shy? I know I'm really shy in person so I don't usually do so well on dates. I tend to clam up or stumble all over my words. This typically turns off the guys I date and therefor a second or third date does not follow. Well that is just my experience at least.
eiithan Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 It could be also that all five of your dates happen to be "initial attraction or nothing" women. I am one of these and tell the guy straightforward because I dont want to mislead when I did not feel anything. However, I'd rather prefer to have a couple of email exchanges and a phone conversation to figure the other person out before the actual meeting (so I already know we are compatible on political alignment, common interests, etc). Similar interests but no attraction then I don't pursue a second date.
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