Superdude87 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Oh man. So I made another thread referencing this situation I'm in but the plot has developed more and I guess I just want more opinions. So basically here is what has happened leading up to today, the final goodbye between me and my (now) ex-gf. Me and her have been dating almost 7 months and things were amazing up until now. After a shaky on/off again relationship with her ex, we met 3 months after they broke it off for good. About a month ago she began talking with her ex more and more via text, and one night she lied about going out with friends to go see him. I found out, confronted her, she said that she still had feelings for him that weren't going away. I tried to forgive and forget and move on, but she seemed to become distant and unsure of what she wanted. Finally, I found out that she physically cheated on me that night and I ended it. Within a few days we were talking again, and she called her ex to tell him that NO they were not going to get back together (he had been attempting to get her back this whole time). She still seemed unsure of what she wanted, and continued to talk to her after this had happened, so I told her for the final time that we were done and I couldn't talk to her. I still loved her, but she needed time to figure her life out and I would be willing to work things out, but obviously right now isn't the right time. That was a week ago. Today she texts me to see how I was doing and to come pick up a few things of hers that were still at my place. Little chit chat, and I found out that her and her ex were "talking" (aka: getting back together, I'm sure). She said that a part of her heart has been with him for the 4 years they've known each other and that she can't seem to NOT give it one last shot to see if she can be happy and they can work. This was a huge slap in the face and definitely heart wrenching. I should hate her guts. I want to be mad and hate her, I really do, but I can't...even after everything she's put me through and the pain she's made me feel. Is this normal? I still love her and I want to see a future with her, but I know that after this kind of betrayal and head games that should be the last thing on my mind. I have a feeling that their little fling won't last long. He says he has changed and can be the man she needs in her life, and oddly enough now has many of the same qualities as me (my words, not his...but the "man" he is describing is pretty much me). Maybe it's wishful thinking but I see this all blowing up and come crashing down sooner than later, and she'll be running back. They probably broke up at least 3 or 4 times during the 3 years they dated. He has straight up told her that he could NEVER see himself marrying her, and has done many, many hurtful things to her, and even nearly cheated on her. So what do I make of this situation? It's hard for me to totally turn off my heart, and I'm pretty sure she'll come running back. I love her to death and honestly could see myself marrying her...or at least I used to. I KNOW I'd have a hard time turning her away if she came running back. I'm going NC cold turkey today, and will ignore her texts/calls until she gets the picture but deep down I want her back. I really do. Grrrrr. This is the hardest breakup I've ever gone through. So confusing!!
Exit Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 There's nothing wrong with the fact that you find yourself unable to hate her. To some degree you should be upset about what she did, but no reason to hate her. Hate is just an emotion people use improperly to try to get over someone. Don't set yourself up for disappointment by thinking this is going to blow up in her face. They could run off and get married next week. There are a million possibilities. The best route for you to take is to try your best to be indifferent. Don't plan on her crawling back by next week, don't tell yourself she's gone forever, just accept the situation for what it is and try to stay positive. Maybe this just needs to happen. Maybe she will get hurt one more time and finally the feelings for this guy will go away, and she will know what she wants in life.
NopeNah Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Here's a little false hope for you. My girl of 5 or so years left me for another guy. 3 months latter she came back to me wanting to make it work. I slept with her that night. She was texting calling all week after with NC from me. Now I have told her to "pound sand". Guess where she's at? Back with him. My question is...who in their right mind would take a person back like that?
Author Superdude87 Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 Yeah I know I just can't bare to think that it's over...for good...forever. So having that false hope that she's coming back is keeping me from totally falling apart. It might be unhealthy but it's making it easier, at least until enough time has passed to where I don't even want her back. After what she did and how she treated me, I SHOULDN'T want her back. Ever. It's just so confusing, sometimes I'm fine and then sometimes I just think about it too much and go crazy. She called me today so that's probably why I'm having a hard time. She had a few things of mine and I had a few things of hers that I totally forgot about, sometime this week we're getting together to exchange. Oh ya, and I found out that she's MOVING IN WITH THE GUY. Again. They've lived together before and when they broke up she moved out and told me it was the most horrible experience of her life so WHY THE HELL IS SHE REPEATING IT? I asked her if this is how she imagined her life turning out 6 months ago and she says, "**** no, but that's life I guess." I really don't understand her.
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