ON MY OWN Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 A friend of mine is in an unhappy relationship. He has kids and has often asked me how he would be able to leave? It seems at a certain point he really wanted to and didnt even know where to begin. He would often tell me how she would treat him sometimes going into specifics that made him very upset. We have been friends for years and he always confided in me how she made him feel so small. We would talk for hours. On the phone usually. He one time got pretty close to me face to face and was just talking to me and then I moved away to go to the restroom or something. He even asked me to go to an amusement park with him once. I went, it was just him and I. He gave me a ride once when I was without my car because it was in the shop. He also asked for me to meet him for lunch a few times and I made up an excuses that I was busy. He has told me he wished she was more like me. We could talk for hours. The question is mainly from the males mind, but females can reply as well of course:D!! Do you think he likes me or just in need of a true friend because his wife is pretty condescending to him and he ends up feeling not the greatest about himself? If he does like me why hasnt he said anything straight out or tried to kiss me as we have been alone a few times and sat very close on the roller coasters? I am confused about how he truly feels.
boogieboy Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Dont get involved! It will just get ugly!! Hes never going to leave her, dont fall for it!!! Havent you read the other MM threads?
Thornton Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 He has not said anything or tried to kiss you because he is MARRIED, and perhaps he has some respect for that even if you don't. You do not want to be the one who breaks up his marriage - if he decides to get divorced that decision should be made on the basis of his marriage not working and his choice should be completely independent of you. By all means support him as a friend, and get together with him post-divorce if you both want to, but don't make yourself into the woman who took a man away from his wife and kids: the choice to leave should be his and his alone. He asks you how he could ever leave his wife and kids, but the fact is it's pretty simple, a lot of guys do it. You move out and file for divorce, pay child support and get either partial custody of the kids or visitation rights. The fact is, if he wanted to leave his wife, he would. You don't even know that he's attracted to you, it sounds to me like so far he hasn't done anything beyond being a close friend.
Author ON MY OWN Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 He has not said anything or tried to kiss you because he is MARRIED, and perhaps he has some respect for that even if you don't. You do not want to be the one who breaks up his marriage - if he decides to get divorced that decision should be made on the basis of his marriage not working and his choice should be completely independent of you. By all means support him as a friend, and get together with him post-divorce if you both want to, but don't make yourself into the woman who took a man away from his wife and kids: the choice to leave should be his and his alone. He asks you how he could ever leave his wife and kids, but the fact is it's pretty simple, a lot of guys do it. You move out and file for divorce, pay child support and get either partial custody of the kids or visitation rights. The fact is, if he wanted to leave his wife, he would. You don't even know that he's attracted to you, it sounds to me like so far he hasn't done anything beyond being a close friend. Thank you for your replies, I guess what I am trying to ask is if I can BE his friend? Or if he will think I want more? I am NOT a homewrecker, sorry I have made myself unclear with that part and was just basing the question on the facts, I would like to continue being his friend and dont want him to think I want more, am I in danger of this? I truly enjoy his friendship and DONT want him to think I want more. I would never be the woman that caused a woman that kind of pain and believe in Karma. I am just curious he came so close one time I thought he was going to kiss me and Im the one who moved away to make sure as I DO have respect for that. Is it ok to be friends? I dont want to send mixed signals. I value his friendship, however thats all it is and all it ever will be. I dont want for him to think anything different by me being there emotionally for him.
Author ON MY OWN Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 Dont get involved! It will just get ugly!! Hes never going to leave her, dont fall for it!!! Havent you read the other MM threads? Thanks for the reply, I have made this unclear and was basing only on the facts, I want to continue friendship and dont want to send mixed signals. Is this at all possible? We have been friends for years and I care about him like I do my other female friends. He has told me he wants to leave his wife, not for me, just in general, and was wondering why he has said this, maybe just a shoulder to lean on? Thats all I want to be, but am wondering if its sending mixed signals to go to lunch with him? I dont have any reason behind it except being with a friend. Is this wrong? I am not doing anything physical with him, but he confides a lot in me. I am there the same way I am there for my female friends and just wanted to get some male perspectives on this. Thanks!!
Thornton Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Sorry for the misunderstanding. For now I would continue being his friend because he obviously relies on you a lot for support. If you can, try to make it clear that you're not interested - maybe if he moans about his wife you could say something like "Thank goodness we're just friends, we'll never have to deal with these sort of relationship issues!" You get the idea anyway, just a casual comment to emphasise that you're just friends. Mention your bf a lot if you have one, or talk about guys you like. If he does make a move, back off and tell him calmly but firmly that you value his friendship and you don't see your relationship going in that direction.
boogieboy Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Yeah you really have to tell him straight up that you have no attraction to him, and he should not come on to you in any way. But if he is attracted to you, and you tell him theres no chance, he might not want to see you anymore. He might have wanted to make you his mistress. Thats just a possibility. Also theres a possibility that he will yes you to death and keep coming onto you after you told him nothings going to happen.
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