ruggy Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 I was mactched to this woman on date.com. In one of my recreational activities, white water rafting, she was not too keen about. Said her friend drowned or something. She said she was hesitant to move forward cause of this and wished me well. I thought that was that. I saw her again on match and tried to see if she would reconsider. E-mailed me back and said she one said that she was hesitant but did not say she would not try or something and then I closed all communication. But at the end of the first e-mail on date she said I wish you well. I assumed when someone says hesitant and I wish you well at the end of a e-mail it means they will not proceed. So she said since I closed the e-mail correspondence she now wished me well too. I replied back earlier today saying I misinterpeted the e-mail and it was my mistake. I wish women would be clearer on their intentions. I guess we'll see if she would give me a second chance. Based on my luck, probably not. I tell ya, as soon as I get a line I hang myself.
moman Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 That's pretty extreme, I wouldn't waste your time with someone who will judge you so quickly by your hobby. I had a girl once criticize my yearly deer hunting trip. I replied that she wasn't invited and to stuff it. Things worked out fine for us after that.
Author ruggy Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 I'd paste the e-mail here, but somehow, I know it will get back to me and backfire. I get the death of a friend, and it is sad and unfortunate. Accidents happen everyday. Nonetheless, since I contacted her again on match, doesn't that count for something? I mean, should we date, probably not, but if we did, and it bothered her that much, we can talk about it. But geez, just because one unfortunate accident does mean it is going to happen again. But that is not even the point. The point is she said hesitant to proceed in dating me and wished me well as a closing line. What would you think? I assumed it meant she was no longer interested and that was that. I DID try an reach out to her on match explaining that is not that dangerous anymore. And in the last reply, I said it was a simple misunderstanding of her words. She's an English teacher. She should know how to get her point through better. Think she just replied to my match.com e-mail so she can have the last word in "wishing me well?" I swear, any other women besides my mother, sister and aunt I just cannot understand.
Confusedalways Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 She sounds like a pain in the ass. Not worth it.
moman Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Let her have the last word and do not contact her again. She has made it clear you are not meant for each other, maybe the rafting is an excuse, but it's a silly one at best.
tkgirl Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 ...and some guys are so clueless. I guess she should have just said "not interested but I wish you well" but it doesn't sound like you would have accepted that response either. ah the oh so fun world of internet dating...
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Dang, Ruggy. You sure know how to pick the weirdos out of a line-up.
39388 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 This woman sounds like bad news with very strange behavior. What do you look for in a woman? Maybe there's something that correlates with bad behavior or maybe you have a requirement that eliminates the good ones? Maybe you are doing everything right and just have had some bad luck. There is nothing tougher than dating, but I'm learning you have to keep trying. Just when you think no one will email you agin, you get one.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 It's pretty simple, really. She was not interested enough to proceed, so she used her friend's unfortunate accident as an excuse to cut contact. It's called social lubrication. It doesn't make her a bad person. She just feels uncomfortable telling someone she doesn't know that she is not interested. It can be hard to say, hey, I looked at your pic and read your emails and you're not cute enough/interesting enough for me to meet you. She was trying to bow out in a way that had nothing to do with you, thus avoiding an outright rejection. If someone says they do not wish to proceed, for any reason, and then they wish you well, there is no need to analyze the reasons. You know what they want, let it lie. I'm sure there are other cuter, more interesting women for you to connect with. Don't worry about her and keep moving.
Asami Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 It's pretty simple, really. She was not interested enough to proceed, so she used her friend's unfortunate accident as an excuse to cut contact. It's called social lubrication. It doesn't make her a bad person. She just feels uncomfortable telling someone she doesn't know that she is not interested. It can be hard to say, hey, I looked at your pic and read your emails and you're not cute enough/interesting enough for me to meet you. She was trying to bow out in a way that had nothing to do with you, thus avoiding an outright rejection. If someone says they do not wish to proceed, for any reason, and then they wish you well, there is no need to analyze the reasons. You know what they want, let it lie. I'm sure there are other cuter, more interesting women for you to connect with. Don't worry about her and keep moving. I agree with this assesment. I wouldn't waste time on this girl..
missdependant Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 She isn't interested. She used the white water rafting as an excuse. Move on.
Author ruggy Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 Just weird. Communicating for a week and then, out of no where, that. Then, on Match, she said because I stopped communicating with her on date.com, she did not want to start communicating again. Weird. She could had stopped communicating early on and not replied to my Match.com convo.
dreamergrl Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 I think she tried, the best way she knew how (even if it wasn't the best way), to cease interaction with you. She did it the first time, but (if I'm following correctly), you attempted to get back in touch with her?
missdependant Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 You probably said something off-putting to her; which I doubt was the rafting.
rachel m Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 I agree that no matter what this isn't something you should waste your time on. If she is interested, then she sounds judgemental and like she would be somewhat high-maintenance. If she isn't interested, then you're wasting your time. Just weird. Communicating for a week and then, out of no where, that. Then, on Match, she said because I stopped communicating with her on date.com, she did not want to start communicating again. Weird. She could had stopped communicating early on and not replied to my Match.com convo. It could be that she's actually one of those woman who feels it's only polite to reply to men who write to her and let them down easy.
Art_Critic Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 You're already looking for a SECOND CHANCE with a woman that you have never even exchanged more than a couple of words thru email with.. WTF ? It sounds to me that it was nothing more than an excuse for her to blow you off... She saw it and used it.. the excuse that is.. You need to learn to read a woman's signs of interest/disinterest better.. if she was interested in you she wouldn't have blown you off...
39388 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Just weird. Communicating for a week and then, out of no where, that. Then, on Match, she said because I stopped communicating with her on date.com, she did not want to start communicating again. Weird. She could had stopped communicating early on and not replied to my Match.com convo. Her starnge way of ending it was probably easiest for her, but she didin't think about your feelings at all. She is not good enough for you. I've gotten cut off in some weird ways and I felt so hurt, but now I'm realizing that I'm glad it didn't go further. A women recently used my strengths against me. Who wants to put up with this game playing behavior for a long time?
Jersey Shortie Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 OP, she sounded pretty judgemental about your hobby and I personally think that's lame. It's not like you are forcing her to go with you. Although, she could have said that as a cover of just not being into you. I often will turn down a guy by picking out something small and saying that's the reason. Meanwhile, I am just not interested. Usually I will relay it on a guy's age and just tell him..."OH well your cute but too young"..or.."you seem very smart but your just older then me". Usually guys don't feel bad when you give them this reason. It would be nice though if women spoke "male" sometimes and men spoke "female" sometimes.
Author ruggy Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 What she said in the e-mail was she was hesitant to proceed, then I closed contact and now I wanted to start up again. Firstly, I thought it was was closed when she said she was hesitant. Second, I only e-mailed her to get a better clarification. Third, apparently, I misread her e-mail and closed it when she was saying what she was meaning. Not a big deal. I am used to non-responses anyway. The point of the thread was sometimes women do not communicate clearly. That was all.
rachel m Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 What she said in the e-mail was she was hesitant to proceed, then I closed contact and now I wanted to start up again. Firstly, I thought it was was closed when she said she was hesitant. Second, I only e-mailed her to get a better clarification. Third, apparently, I misread her e-mail and closed it when she was saying what she was meaning. Not a big deal. I am used to non-responses anyway. The point of the thread was sometimes women do not communicate clearly. That was all. Thanks for clarifying that then
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