loveslife Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 I've posted some messages recently about plans to see an ex-boyfriend of mine. We had broken up years ago due to circumstances but still had feelings and always got along. Have kept in touch on and off and recently he's been calling me a lot and things have kind of moved to a new level of communication, more open. I moved away from his area a while ago but was there for a few days this week. So, we got together yesterday and it was great. Unfortunately, we didn't have a lot of time together, just a couple of hours. Nature did take its course towards the end and things got physical (heavy but not "all the way"). After that he had to rush off to pick up some money owed him from a job before the people left. I felt terrible. Like, oh great, booty call, not what I wanted. Then he called tonight. Said he just wanted me to know that "that" wasn't why he came to see me. That he could see it in my face when he was leaving that I thought it might be and he wanted to make sure I knew that it wasn't that. I said, yeah, I wondered if it was a booty call. He said, no, it wasn't that at all. I asked what it was. He said he hadn't analyzed it but it wasn't a booty call. He had tried to call last night but at the house where I was staying the phone doesn't have call waiting and the line was busy most of the night. We talked a while longer. Nice talk. He's leaving for Europe this week. Will spend the summer there working. Said he'd call in a few weeks when he got settled in there. Said how great it was to see me. I agreed. Oy. It seems promising and like the start of something fresh with him. Of course, now he's away for a while and I'm going to do my best to not obsess. I'm actually pretty busy with my own life right now so... How does it seem from an outside perspective?
boogieboy Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 From an outside perspective, if he doesnt live within a reasonable driving distance....Booty call. I mean, you cant establish a relationship within a week normally, so how can you establish what this is when you dont even live near each other? For now booty call. When you move closer to each other, whatever he feels it will be.
Author loveslife Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 Hey Boogieboy, I don't know if I agree but I appreciate your perspective. Isn't a booty call when two people get together just for sex but have no emotions or interest in a future together?
boogieboy Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Hey Boogieboy, I don't know if I agree but I appreciate your perspective. Isn't a booty call when two people get together just for sex but have no emotions or interest in a future together? Youre assuming that two people actually express this agreement, most of the time, they dont. I think hes feeding you lines to get what he wants. Would you go along with it if he said, "ill never live near you, so whenever we get together, I just want to be FWB, and I dont want to take it any further than that"? A booty call is like a platonic friendship (most of the time) Usually one person goes along what the other wants in hopes of a relationship in the future. You just started.
Author loveslife Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 He's not really the type to lie about something like this and I have no reason to not believe him. Besides, I'm pretty sure he recognizes me as a prize. My question wasn't really about whether or not it was in fact a booty call. Guess I mostly just wanted to share the experience because nice folks on this board have been there with a lot of helpful advice during a really crappy relationship not too long ago.
Asami Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Youre assuming that two people actually express this agreement, most of the time, they dont. I think hes feeding you lines to get what he wants. Would you go along with it if he said, "ill never live near you, so whenever we get together, I just want to be FWB, and I dont want to take it any further than that"? A booty call is like a platonic friendship (most of the time) Usually one person goes along what the other wants in hopes of a relationship in the future. You just started. I agree with this, to the OP I know this isn't what you want to hear, but from an outsider looking in yeah I agree with boogieboy on this one..
tkgirl Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 He's not really the type to lie about something like this and I have no reason to not believe him. Besides, I'm pretty sure he recognizes me as a prize. My question wasn't really about whether or not it was in fact a booty call. Guess I mostly just wanted to share the experience because nice folks on this board have been there with a lot of helpful advice during a really crappy relationship not too long ago. yea, probably not a question you want to ask on here... like they only read "guy... phone call... hung out... got physical" and go "yep, that's a booty call!". It's sad really, that some people have such a limited view of relationships. I found on here you really have to consider the source. So back to your situation... you are unsure or what's going on in the ex's head now. He sounds like a very sensitive and caring guy... it was very sweet of him to call you later to reassure you. And like you said "I'm pretty sure he recognizes me as a prize" keep believing that... that you ARE a prize, whether he sees it or not. And if for some reason he doesn't, then you'll find someone who will!
boogieboy Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 He's not really the type to lie about something like this and I have no reason to not believe him. Besides, I'm pretty sure he recognizes me as a prize. My question wasn't really about whether or not it was in fact a booty call. Guess I mostly just wanted to share the experience because nice folks on this board have been there with a lot of helpful advice during a really crappy relationship not too long ago. It seems like the start of a series of booty calls in HIS mind, not yours. Put your guard up so you can see thru the BS lines.....
Thornton Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Perhaps he didn't have the intention of just meeting for sex, perhas he really did want to see you as a friend and the sex just happened. I don't think it was a booty call in the sense that he only asked to meet you because he wanted sex. However, I doubt if he wants a relationship with you. He's going away and hasn't given you anything more definite than he might call you in a few weeks and it was nice to see you. I don't think it sounds promising, or that it's the start of anything fresh; he wanted you to know the sex was unplanned because he doesn't want to seem like the bad guy, but still it sounds like he doesn't want to continue with a relationship. Sorry
boogieboy Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Perhaps he didn't have the intention of just meeting for sex, perhas he really did want to see you as a friend and the sex just happened. I don't think it was a booty call in the sense that he only asked to meet you because he wanted sex. However, I doubt if he wants a relationship with you. He's going away and hasn't given you anything more definite than he might call you in a few weeks and it was nice to see you. I don't think it sounds promising, or that it's the start of anything fresh; he wanted you to know the sex was unplanned because he doesn't want to seem like the bad guy, but still it sounds like he doesn't want to continue with a relationship. Sorry They didnt have sex, but after the fooling around, he rushed off to meet people, which made it feel like a booty call.
Author loveslife Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 yea, probably not a question you want to ask on here... like they only read "guy... phone call... hung out... got physical" and go "yep, that's a booty call!". It's sad really, that some people have such a limited view of relationships. I found on here you really have to consider the source. So back to your situation... you are unsure or what's going on in the ex's head now. He sounds like a very sensitive and caring guy... it was very sweet of him to call you later to reassure you. And like you said "I'm pretty sure he recognizes me as a prize" keep believing that... that you ARE a prize, whether he sees it or not. And if for some reason he doesn't, then you'll find someone who will! Thanks tkgirl. Ugh, I think you're right that this was not the place to discuss this perhaps. Lesson learned. This guy is sweet and caring. I'm not really worried about his intentions. Like I said in the follow-up a few posts into this thread I really just wanted to share. I do recognize myself as a prize and I think as long as I do that I will only end up with someone else who does as well. It's taken me a long time to get to that place.
boogieboy Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Can I tell you "i told you so" when you post here in a couple months complaining about how he used you and you didnt see it coming? Everything he is saying and doing is smooth, but typical. All im saying is keep your guard up. Tkgirl is just tryin to make you feel better, which is how girlfriend lie to each other shamefully. . Now if you didnt want all the possibilities laid out for you, you shouldnt post. Or you should make a disclaimer: "I only want to read about telling me what I want to hear, not what I NEED to hear, which is how he really wants be with me, I dont want anyone to post how I might be getting fooled by him."
Els Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 I don't even know loveslife (hence I am not a 'girlfriend'), and I agree with tkgirl. It's entirely possible that it WAS, and entirely possible that it was NOT. Since the OP herself believes it's not, why argue with her? Do you claim to know her ex and her situation better than her, just from one post of a few lines?
Kamille Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 It seems like the start of a series of booty calls in HIS mind, not yours. Put your guard up so you can see thru the BS lines..... The way I see it, a booty call wouldn't have called back to reassure her. Loveslife, we both know I might not be the best person to give advice, but the way I see it, you should just enjoy that you had a nice time with a great guy. No need to try and see into the future just yet. You know yourself, you know what you want and you won't settle for less. You also know this man. Like Elswyth pointed out, we strangers out here don't. Go with your gut and don't let fear get the best of you.
Trialbyfire Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 loveslife, you've only spent a couple of hours with him. I doubt he's analyzed it deeply, what he wants from you, which is part of the reason for the phone call. I do find it odd that someone who's going away for an entire summer, would initiate something so close to going away. I would keep dating around and then see what happens, if anything, when he returns.
tkgirl Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Can I tell you "i told you so" when you post here in a couple months complaining about how he used you and you didnt see it coming? Everything he is saying and doing is smooth, but typical. All im saying is keep your guard up. Tkgirl is just tryin to make you feel better, which is how girlfriend lie to each other shamefully. . Now if you didnt want all the possibilities laid out for you, you shouldnt post. Or you should make a disclaimer: "I only want to read about telling me what I want to hear, not what I NEED to hear, which is how he really wants be with me, I dont want anyone to post how I might be getting fooled by him." so what if I wanted to make her feel better? after you maybe made her feel like crap with the "yea, it was a booty call". WE don't know either one of them or what was going on in their heads... they have a history together... they got together again and there were still sparks. I don't think either one of them expected it... you seem to think that the guy planned the whole thing from the beginning... and I disagree that's all!
Author loveslife Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 Thanks guys. The messages from boogieboy were definitely hurtful. I think he was trying to do tough love but he doesn't know me, the ex or our relationship. I feel good about the meeting. Him and I have a history together and it was kind of wild to see that there are still sparks. And we do still care. I'm glad he called to reassure me but of course he hasn't committed to me. He's going away for the summer. I think he wanted to see me before he went away to see if the sparks were still there. I think he didn't want to wait until September to see me. I am going to continue dating and let the ex take the initiative when he wants. It's all good as far as I'm concerned. Thanks again for the replies.
tkgirl Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 Thanks guys. The messages from boogieboy were definitely hurtful. I think he was trying to do tough love but he doesn't know me, the ex or our relationship. I feel good about the meeting. Him and I have a history together and it was kind of wild to see that there are still sparks. And we do still care. I'm glad he called to reassure me but of course he hasn't committed to me. He's going away for the summer. I think he wanted to see me before he went away to see if the sparks were still there. I think he didn't want to wait until September to see me. I am going to continue dating and let the ex take the initiative when he wants. It's all good as far as I'm concerned. Thanks again for the replies. I'm so glad you feel good about it! sometimes I get really bugged on here when certain people see things as so black and white... and it's hard for me to keep my mouth shut! anyho.... it sounds like you are in a good place about it all. It's hard.. wondering about ex's and the lingering feelings that you think are almost gone and all of a sudden they catch you by surprise again. I'm sort of dealing with that myself right now.. it can be very confusing! you hang in there, k?
Author loveslife Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 I'm so glad you feel good about it! sometimes I get really bugged on here when certain people see things as so black and white... and it's hard for me to keep my mouth shut! anyho.... it sounds like you are in a good place about it all. It's hard.. wondering about ex's and the lingering feelings that you think are almost gone and all of a sudden they catch you by surprise again. I'm sort of dealing with that myself right now.. it can be very confusing! you hang in there, k? Thanks again tkgirl. It can be really confusing. I had moved on. I had resisted forging the bond with him again even though I still liked him and our end was hardly contentious. Mainly because I prefer living with I am now and don't want to move back to the area where he lives. He was really persistent. I think I gave the impression that he just wanted to see me on the fly right before he left for the summer. But he's been trying to arrange a get-together for weeks. I have felt really closer to him in recent weeks than when we were together. I think we've both become more open and mature. So, I guess time will tell. Big sighs here haha. Good luck with yours.
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