2sure Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Island Girl ....in my example, I am referring to LDRs in which the partners have never met. You and your partner have met several times in RL or am I mistaken?
Trialbyfire Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 I'd go for a drink with you 2sure! There's a marvelous lounge in town, that's connected to a delightful five star fusion-style cuisine restaurant. If you're ever in town, you know how to get ahold of me!
Cora Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 I am going to admit that I was in one of these fantasy relationships for almost a year. I realize now how foolish and stupid I was for allowing myself to get carried away like that. It was immaturity and naiveness on my part. Plain and simple it was ridiculous! I was "In Love" with a man I had never met. I can tell you that I will NEVER do this again! It was one of the most torturous experiences ever! I wasted my feelings on an immaginary person that I had conjured up in my head. Oh it was a real person I was talking to. It was just a fantasy I had of the person I pictured him to be since we had never met. It's just FAKE! Until you meet in person and find REAL chemistry there you just can't call it a relationship. HAHA I can't believe I actually call this person an ex. WTF?? I must be more delusional than I thought. Anyway, NEVER again for me.
Island Girl Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Island Girl ....in my example, I am referring to LDRs in which the partners have never met. You and your partner have met several times in RL or am I mistaken? Yes, my husband and I have seen each other in person too many times to count. And I appreciate the clarification. My perception of other LDRs, whether they have met yet or not, is that there is still very real emotion involved based on the communication going on between the two parties. When we meet someone there is attraction, however, the true attraction or "love" component only comes in after sharing with that other person. These people are doing a lot of sharing just as couples do in close proximity. They often communicate more openly about their feelings and thoughts. This personal connection they have is no less valid than mine with my husband. They just don't know if that personal chemistry is there yet. I do agree (wholeheartedly) that this is a necessary connection for their future. When it isn't there the relationship does fall apart almost instantly to be sure. But up until that point there are still emotions being invested and true heartbreak if one of the people is lying, deceiving the other, etc. If the two people have their own perspective that there is a commitment to each other, to see where this relationship goes forsaking all others until they figure that out, the betrayal of that commitment is every bit as hurtful as it would be in close proximity. They too want their happy ending. And have hope that they have found their "one and only". If it is wrecked, by cheating for instance, they feel all of the emotions any boyfriend or girlfriend does. It isn't a creation of drama. It isn't that they have a quest to find emotional turmoil. They thought they found happiness and love. And they are just as wrenched to find out they haven't.
hoping2heal Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 I'm currently in a deluded, fantasy relationship . Here's my two cents. There are people who lie online, there are people who lie IRL. With the amount of people game playing, pretending to be something they aren't, encouraging one another in manipulative behavior to garner a reaction or put on an impression to a partner/crush/spouse/etc. I find it almost hilarious to bring up the idea of two people, being something they are not and not really knowing who the other person is as an online dating exclusive element. My LDR partner knows me better than anyone has ever known me, and he doesn't just know the good and dreamy, he knows the whole 9 yards about the negative also. How do I know he isn't lying to me? It's a faith I put in him that he is not. If I find out he is once we meet, which will be very soon, then what? Does that mean suddenly everything we felt for the past few months was false? No, it means someone pretended to be something they weren't; something that I read about left and right happening on the dating boards. Just like IRL dating, you assume because you can see the person what they tell you is the truth, that they aren't lying to you. Between the dating and infidelity boards you can see plenty of proof of IRL relationships where one partner is TOTALLY duped by another partner, who puts on an act. That doesn't mean their relationship is totally invalid is it? Because what they have up until the point of disclosure is very much a real connection. If you don't have the chemistry in person, you don't. Just as somehow you reach a point IRL relationships where the chemistry no longer exists either. There are people who will try to be something they are not (guilty) and there are people who will be a represenative of who they trully are in thought and deed online or IRL. A relationship doesn't become real because the other person is in the room, A relationship becomes real when true intimacy is built between two people.
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