Author inthefields Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 IslandGirl, is it possible I could talk with you through Windows Live Messenger?
Island Girl Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 IslandGirl, is it possible I could talk with you through Windows Live Messenger? I have yahoo -- but unfortunately there is no way to transmit the info back and forth because while I have PM here -- you don't and even subscribing will not give it to you. You need 100 posts. ?? I would love to be able to help. And you are clearly in need and want to talk. I just do not know how to accomplish this without publicly posting info -- and that is a bad idea both for you and for me. ??
boogieboy Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Please listen to Island Girl, PLEASE listen to her.
Author inthefields Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 I'll make a Yahoo account - [email protected], can you contact me when I sign on?
Art_Critic Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 I have yahoo -- but unfortunately there is no way to transmit the info back and forth because while I have PM here -- you don't and even subscribing will not give it to you. You need 100 posts. ?? If she became a paying/supporting member she could get pm privys right away without having to wait the 30 days and 100 approx posts.. I'm not asking her to become a paying member.. just clarifying something you posted about... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/subscribe/
Author inthefields Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 I made the account [email protected]
Island Girl Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 If she became a paying/supporting member she could get pm privys right away without having to wait the 30 days and 100 approx posts.. I'm not asking her to become a paying member.. just clarifying something you posted about... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/subscribe/ Thank you AC. I stand corrected. And good to know. OP -- yes I can --
sb129 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 It may sound sweet to someone who wants to feel close to him right now (you) but if you had relationship experience and a clear understanding of problems that can develop because of this kind of outlook I GUARANTEE you would run from him -- fast and far far away. Be very careful about what you give over to this guy. I couldn't agree more- well said. Inthefields- I have had R experience of this kind before, and as I said in previous posts, its very very damaging. Even if you don't have the R experience to recognise this, please take this advice from someone who has- this is NOT a healthy way to start a new R. IG and I are both saying the same thing, please please print out our posts and read them and re-read them. I have added some stuff in bold to IGs excellent response below. Do not take on his issues as your own. You will never be able to resolve his issues- and if you take them on as your own, they will slowly destroy your self esteem. Trust me on this- once it is gone, it takes a very long time to get it back. You CAN NOT POSSIBLY have "let him down"!!! You didn't even KNOW him!! Exactly. You do not 'owe' this person anything. At the moment, your relationship is virtual. Therefore he shouldn't have these kind of expectations of you. Even IRL those kind of expectations are unhealthy. And by saying that to you he is attempting to manipulate you into feeling guilty for living your life before him. And then by doing so he puts you in a position that is submissive to him and himself as superior. Yes- and again, from experience, it leaves you constantly on the back foot. It will continue to be his trump card and nothing you ever say in your own defense will better that. Not a fun place to be, I can assure you. But my fear right now -- FOR YOU -- is that you are buying it. You are feeling guilty and you are allowing yourself to be manipulated. This is victim behavior and an abuser can spot that a mile away. Please, please, please don't do this. Its a slippery slope once you buy into a manipulative R. You need some personal counseling. It is fir YOU not for the relationship and really has nothing to do with him. Please get help at your college. It is there. Address this within yourself now so you can have healthy boundaries. A healthy you means you having a healthy relationship. If what I am saying does not make sense to you then you need the help even more. It sounds like you also have issues and they are different issues. But combined in a relationship with HIS issues is volatile. At least you can take some control and get yours taken care of. So please please do so. If I had had a healthy self esteem/ self worth and had half a clue about what was normal in a R, I would never ever have entered into the R with my ex. As it was, I learned the hard way- and it was extremely painful. I wouldn't want anyone to go through that pain it if can be avoided.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Please reread what Island Girl and SB have written- they are right. This guys is manipulating you. He either takes you for what you have to offer, and your "past" is part of that, or he moves on. Dragging you through the mud, making you feel bad about yourself, these are very manipulative moves. Can you see that? Why do you want to be in an R with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself? A healthy bf makes you feel amazing and awesome, not guilty and bad. You have not met this guy IRL. That is a significant fact. I know you don't want anyone to mention that, but it is an important part of this story. You could move on and find someone who lives closer to you. What have you lost? Mostly you have lost a fantasy. A fantasy about who this guy is and what kind of relationship you could have with him. Have you ever thought that YOU may not like HIM should you ever meet? You may be uncomfortable around him, or you may not feel physical attraction like you thought you would. I would think that meeting him as soon as possible should be a priority. At least then you can decide whether or not this is worth fighting for. My two cents says it isn't, but I'm not in the R.
sb129 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Why do you want to be in an R with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself? A healthy bf makes you feel amazing and awesome, not guilty and bad. Why do you want to be in an R with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself? A healthy bf makes you feel amazing and awesome, not guilty and bad. Why do you want to be in an R with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself? A healthy bf makes you feel amazing and awesome, not guilty and bad.repeated for emphasis.
dreamergrl Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 I'm going with Kamille... this guy is DRAMA. The two of you NEVER met. He's been 'saving' himself for you. He is filling your head will soooo much dog poo you're eyes will be brown if they aren't already. "I'll never try again" is him emotionally badgering you. He's putting guilt where it does no belong. And you've never met! OMG what if you held hands with a guy, is that a no no to? Time to close the IM out and find a real man, in real life.
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