LaGazelle Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Oh sure, they complain. It does not change the fact that when the H does decide to see the OW, it is not because he is held down by religious and societal expectations, but he is freely making a choice to be with the OW. Good for you!!!! How many times did that happen? Your H obviously did a cost and effect and chose you. But the times that he was with his OW...well, he chose so freely. Well, you will never know how meaningful their relationship was and like I said since there is "wealth" and "gorgeous babies" involved your H might have chosen to stay in your marriage because it is less costly(emotionally and financially) to him to do so. A lot of you here are just desperate to see what you want to see. He was not my husband at the time! We have no children yet, and I don't need his money! And yes, he might have spent one drunken evening with her, but when she kept demanding further "drinks" (who takes a 14 hr train ride to have drinks!!!!?) the only thing he did freely after that, was get her a formal warning to have NC when after 7 months she still didn't get the hints!
LaGazelle Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 TC, Did she keep her prize Husband???:lmao: Sounds like she has had her hands full, and will have her hands full until he to old to :bunny::bunny: It might help you feel better about your sad situation to think that, but my husband is the one who got the prize. Since we have to be bitchy to each other.....can I ask why stop at 4 bunnies!? Get yourself a whole lot of cats because you will need them to relieve your loneliness and emptiness until you are old! Good luck!
tami-chan Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 A lot of you here are just desperate to see what you want to see. He was not my husband at the time! We have no children yet, and I don't need his money! And yes, he might have spent one drunken evening with her, but when she kept demanding further "drinks" (who takes a 14 hr train ride to have drinks!!!!?) the only thing he did freely after that, was get her a formal warning to have NC when after 7 months she still didn't get the hints! Oh sorry, LaGazelle. I actually don't know your story-just that you mentioned those "gorgeous babies and wealth and prestige, etc"...and so, I thought you HAD those. So what were you? just a GF? a live-in partner? So let me get this straight. This was a one night stand and she kept at him for 7 months? 7 months of trying to get him and she did not get the messase? LOL....somebody is lying..I think. Are you married to him now? If you are, congratulations! I am glad that you got him. How does it feel to have wealth(well...double the wealth, I assume, since you said you do not need his money, so you must have money on your own?), prestige and the possibility of having gorgeous babies. Your H(?) has good taste apparently, I wonder if the woman he had a one night stand with was anything like you.
Author Mino Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 It might help you feel better about your sad situation to think that, but my husband is the one who got the prize. Since we have to be bitchy to each other.....can I ask why stop at 4 bunnies!? Get yourself a whole lot of cats because you will need them to relieve your loneliness and emptiness until you are old! Good luck! lol, I thought 4 was plenty, plus I am allergic to cats:p I dont need relief from loneliness and emptyness, i have a full life , thank you;)
Author Mino Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 Oh sorry, LaGazelle. I actually don't know your story-just that you mentioned those "gorgeous babies and wealth and prestige, etc"...and so, I thought you HAD those. So what were you? just a GF? a live-in partner? So let me get this straight. This was a one night stand and she kept at him for 7 months? 7 months of trying to get him and she did not get the messase? LOL....somebody is lying..I think. Are you married to him now? If you are, congratulations! I am glad that you got him. How does it feel to have wealth(well...double the wealth, I assume, since you said you do not need his money, so you must have money on your own?), prestige and the possibility of having gorgeous babies. Your H(?) has good taste apparently, I wonder if the woman he had a one night stand with was anything like you. 14 hour train ride for one drink, TC, sounds a bit far to travel. Hell, cant go to the local pub anymore, you gotta ride a train for 14 hours? I think somebody was boosting his ego and was telling a fib to make himself look good, OR there is more to the story that LG does not know. JMHO
tami-chan Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 the OW pursuing my husband He was not my husband at the time! We have no children yet, and I don't need his money! Just so you know, LaGazelle, the reason I got confused about your relationship was because of the above statement. LOL...mino, mino, mino ....I better not saying anything , I don't feel like dealing with infractions right now.
Author Mino Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 tC, would You ride 14 hours on a train for a drink with a mm? How about one of the chipadales? Naww I didnt think so. I was making a point that nobody, and I mean nobody would. Nothing more, I am being good...
Ms. Red Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I would like a r but at the same time with all the cheating, I think " why buy the pig, when all I want is a little sausage?":bunny::bunny: LMAO.... I love it!
Ms. Red Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 It might help you feel better about your sad situation to think that but my husband is the one who got the prize. I'm sure he feels that way. You married him after he cheated on you. That's a prize he didn't deserve. Since we have to be bitchy to each other.....can I ask why stop at 4 bunnies!? Get yourself a whole lot of cats because you will need them to releive your solitude! Good luck! Here, I'll give you 5 :bunny: :bunny: For the record, Mino is a strong person from what I read. She's just fine!
Author Mino Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 I'm sure he feels that way. You married him after he cheated on you. That's a prize he didn't deserve. Here, I'll give you 5 :bunny: :bunny: For the record, Mino is a strong person from what I read. She's just fine! Thanks Ms. Red, :love: You made my day!
Ms. Red Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Your welcome. Just stating the facts as I see them. Don't let me down now ya hear?
Author Mino Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 Your welcome. Just stating the facts as I see them. Don't let me down now ya hear? Oh no, I have found my inner strength again, and its getting stronger and stronger everyday, amazingly scary , but also exciting!
LaGazelle Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Oh sorry, LaGazelle. I actually don't know your story-just that you mentioned those "gorgeous babies and wealth and prestige, etc"...and so, I thought you HAD those. So what were you? just a GF? a live-in partner? So let me get this straight. This was a one night stand and she kept at him for 7 months? 7 months of trying to get him and she did not get the messase? LOL....somebody is lying..I think. Are you married to him now? If you are, congratulations! I am glad that you got him. How does it feel to have wealth(well...double the wealth, I assume, since you said you do not need his money, so you must have money on your own?), prestige and the possibility of having gorgeous babies. Your H(?) has good taste apparently, I wonder if the woman he had a one night stand with was anything like you. Listen, you can try all you like to mess with my head. Bottom line is, if I had had to rely on his story to make a decision about how we move forward we wouldn't be together. I assumed that everything he was telling were lies until I had the laptop scoured and got the trail etc. What actually happened was that, thanks to his useless pc skills, all the chats and emails (a lot of which were of the "why don't you answer me I just want to be friends/go for drinks" variety) were still sitting around on his computer (and he wonder's why it was slow!!!!!!) and I inadvertently accessed his account while trying to log into mine. She was also very silly or presumptious to access our FB pages, so once I realised and checked there was a trail there too. If only she had known that his FB page was set up by me etc .... In hindsight it is quite "funny" that when I kept getting to his email despite trying to log into mine, I called him to ask him how I could get out of his accoutn ....little did I know. As for the wealth etc. I thought it was pretty clear from my post that those were her aspirations! and no, she was absolutely not like me. That was one of the most perplexing things! Be as sarcastic as you like. Perhaps it makes you feel better! Nothing that you can say to me will bring back the pain I endured, worked through and overcame. Good luck with your efforts. This is not productive for either of us, so I will leave it to you and the other bitter women here. Cheers!
LaGazelle Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 14 hour train ride for one drink, TC, sounds a bit far to travel. Hell, cant go to the local pub anymore, you gotta ride a train for 14 hours? I think somebody was boosting his ego and was telling a fib to make himself look good, OR there is more to the story that LG does not know. JMHO That's exactly what I thought too my dear. If I didn't see her email, I would never have believed it. And obviously, she wanted more than a drink. No one would invest that much just for a drink, which was evident once she started with more crazy bunny boiler emails!
jj33 Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 This thread seems to have moved very far from Mino's original question. Why does ANYONE put up with having less in a relationship (no matter what their label) than they want? I was at a dinner the other night - of 6 men, 2 had left for the OW in a relatively short space of time. Those men were clear that they wanted to leave their marriages. To some extent the women were catalysts but there was no long extended drama - if anything as both the women were married it was more complicatd for them to extricate themselves. Both men now have exWs and school age children thousands of miles away (they went home while Hs remained abroad) ... and arranged for OW to live with them far away; the OWs brought their children with them.... These are not easy circumstances but both parties were motivated to make it work. (and no the OWs both of whom were married werent bimbos or golddiggers so far as I can tell). I am seriously beginning to believe it does all come down to the idea that if someone is motivated to leave a marriage, they do, regardless of the children, regardless of the financial consequences. They were sure. And the men are blissful. I have known one of them for a long time and have never seen him happier. To answer Mino's question, if you have seen the movie hes just not that into you, there is that thing at the beginning where they say from the time women are little girls they are told if the little boy in the school yard is mean to you, its because he likes you - that is why he pulls your hair or calls you names... And it sets you up for a lifetime of making excuses for bad behavior and reinterpreting it as an invitation to rewrite what it really means. I think there is a lot to that. It really resonated with me. So Mino what is wrong with us? In my view we are applying that logic (there is an excuse for why we arent getting what we want in the relationshp but the man really loves us lets explain away his bad behavior). And it doesnt serve us at all. The sooner we stop explaining away and excusing the bad behavior, and not apologizing for wanting what we want, the sooner we will have relationships that are fulfilling and dont cause us to post oh my why is it that xyz...
LaGazelle Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 This thread seems to have moved very far from Mino's original question. Why does ANYONE put up with having less in a relationship (no matter what their label) than they want? I was at a dinner the other night - of 6 men, 2 had left for the OW in a relatively short space of time. Those men were clear that they wanted to leave their marriages. To some extent the women were catalysts but there was no long extended drama - if anything as both the women were married it was more complicatd for them to extricate themselves. Both men now have exWs and school age children thousands of miles away (they went home while Hs remained abroad) ... and arranged for OW to live with them far away; the OWs brought their children with them.... These are not easy circumstances but both parties were motivated to make it work. (and no the OWs both of whom were married werent bimbos or golddiggers so far as I can tell). I am seriously beginning to believe it does all come down to the idea that if someone is motivated to leave a marriage, they do, regardless of the children, regardless of the financial consequences. They were sure. And the men are blissful. I have known one of them for a long time and have never seen him happier. To answer Mino's question, if you have seen the movie hes just not that into you, there is that thing at the beginning where they say from the time women are little girls they are told if the little boy in the school yard is mean to you, its because he likes you - that is why he pulls your hair or calls you names... And it sets you up for a lifetime of making excuses for bad behavior and reinterpreting it as an invitation to rewrite what it really means. I think there is a lot to that. It really resonated with me. So Mino what is wrong with us? In my view we are applying that logic (there is an excuse for why we arent getting what we want in the relationshp but the man really loves us lets explain away his bad behavior). And it doesnt serve us at all. The sooner we stop explaining away and excusing the bad behavior, and not apologizing for wanting what we want, the sooner we will have relationships that are fulfilling and dont cause us to post oh my why is it that xyz... Well said JJ - thanks for a balanced somewhat objective response based on your own perspective and experience.
OpenBook Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I was at a dinner the other night - of 6 men, 2 had left for the OW in a relatively short space of time. Both men now have exWs and school age children thousands of miles away (they went home while Hs remained abroad) ... and arranged for OW to live with them far away; the OWs brought their children with them.... I am seriously beginning to believe it does all come down to the idea that if someone is motivated to leave a marriage, they do, regardless of the children, regardless of the financial consequences. They were sure. And the men are blissful. I have known one of them for a long time and have never seen him happier. This makes my heart ache for the children these MMs left behind from their first marriage. They've just been condemned to a lifelong sentence of pain from their father abandoning them... through no fault of their own. Children are indeed a compelling reason why the vast majority of MM do not leave their Ws. I completely do not understand how the MMs in jj33's example are able to resolve that in their minds.
jj33 Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Open Book there is a 50% divorce rate in the US - people make that decision all the time but that wasnt the point of my post. Please lets not let an interesting thread devolve once again into whether someone who leaves their children is a cretin. That was not the point of Minos thread. My point was that when people are motivated to end a marriage, they do. And that I totally agree with Minos question - why do women or men accept situations that arent working for them more - they need to ask themselves that question rather than trying to find excuses for why the MM or MW isnt behaving the way they want them to.
noreply110 Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I think, from personal experience, that it's different when it's you. I was one of the women who said I would never stay if my H had an A. I was convinced that it would be a decision I would never have to make. I helped friends through it, told them to leave their men, not to tolerate the crap that they were being put through.. Then it happened to me. And all that strength and fight drained right out of me. Because my situation was "different". People didn't see the side of my H I did, they didn't know how SORRY he was, how charming, how fast he threw the OW under the bus. And the strong part of me woke up, and helped fix the issues in my marriage that I was responsible for, and to stop taking responisblity for stuff that wasn't my doing. But I was willing, at first to accept a whole lot of crap because I was in denial about what was happening in my own life.
Dexter Morgan Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 They leave home when they want, do there thing, go back when they want, w forgives till the next round. is it that these men think they are God? Why do we put up with it? according to you, you put up with it because you are getting what you want out of it based on a post you made sometime last year. you are happy to be with a MM as long as you are getting what you want out of it. You have no basis to complain and ask "what is wrong with us women....." someone like your MM's wife needs to be asking this question.
Trialbyfire Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 according to you, you put up with it because you are getting what you want out of it based on a post you made sometime last year. you are happy to be with a MM as long as you are getting what you want out of it. You have no basis to complain and ask "what is wrong with us women....." someone like your MM's wife needs to be asking this question.I have to disagree to an extent Dexter. Both women/men in an affair triangle, whether it's the betrayed spouse or the OM/OW, have to examine why they're satisfied or at minimum why they remain in something that's highly dysfunctional. In this the question is, how little do you value yourself?
LaGazelle Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I have to disagree to an extent Dexter. Both women/men in an affair triangle, whether it's the betrayed spouse or the OM/OW, have to examine why they're satisfied or at minimum why they remain in something that's highly dysfunctional. In this the question is, how little do you value yourself? Well Trial, this is true for the BS if the he/she does indeed accept being shortchanged once the A is discovered. However, like in my case, I suspect what most BS do once they discover the dalliance, is they give some sort of ultimatum which at the very least, means the WS ending the A, and if they really want to make the best of a bad situation, further requests to enhance the M beyond the best it has ever been. I find it hard to imagine that the vast majortity of BSs would simply roll over and accept being shortchanged. I suspect, most would simply use whatever "negotiating lever" they have to recover from the demise caused by an A.
Trialbyfire Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Well Trial, this is true for the BS if the he/she does indeed accept being shortchanged once the A is discovered. However, like in my case, I suspect what most BS do once they discover the dalliance, is they give some sort of ultimatum which at the very least, means the WS ending the A, and if they really want to make the best of a bad situation, further requests to enhance the M beyond the best it has ever been. I find it hard to imagine that the vast majortity of BSs would simply roll over and accept being shortchanged. I suspect, most would simply use whatever "negotiating lever" they have to recover from the demise caused by an A.Truth be told, I don't see any payoff for either the betrayed spouse or the OW/OM. Of course many will disagree that the MM/MW is the ultimate prize. I just don't see it. The ocean abounds with fish. Why not catch yourself something worthwhile!
jj33 Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Trial I think there is a sense when people are in the relationship that the MP is some sort of a prize otherwise people wouldnt put up with the things that they put up with on either side (OP or BS). But ultimately I think it comes down to the attitude of the WS. If the OP or the BS state their needs clearly and the WS does rise to the challenge or rebuilding the marriage or leaving and building the relationship with the OP, then there is indeed something to stay for.
Dexter Morgan Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I have to disagree to an extent Dexter. Both women/men in an affair triangle, whether it's the betrayed spouse or the OM/OW, have to examine why they're satisfied or at minimum why they remain in something that's highly dysfunctional. In this the question is, how little do you value yourself? I would agree IF the OW/OM was played by and lied to by the MM/MW. But in my post, it wasn't the case. It was about someone willingly with a MM and made a comment that as long as she got what she wanted out of it, she didn't see it as sharing with the wife. so the only person in that scenario that is putting up with anything is the MM's wife.
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