MrFun Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I've been dumped four times in a row by women from one day to the next. 1) After 6 months, I called her up and she said she didn't want a relationship anymore. She hung up and I never saw her again. 4 weeks later she met a Dutch guy and had a kid with him. 2) After almost 6 years of living with her, she said she "doesn't love me like a gf should" anymore and left without closure. Moved out within three days without a single word. Never saw her again. 3) After chasing me for 1 year we finally got together. She came over unexpectedly and I said "Oh, you're here?". Reason enough to say "I don't love you anymore, sorry" as she held my hand. Never saw her again 4) After a month of hanging out, meeting every day, sex and lots of "don't you just leave me, I've been burned" and "I've told my friends that I'm really into you". I get an SMS "been thinking, it's not right. Good luck and bye". Never saw her again either. Wrong women? Maybe. Something I do, probably. It's just the way it is. What could I be doing to trigger such a sudden reaction in women like that? Everytime I've split from a woman I've taken the time to let them down gently and talk about it as much as *they* need to, i.e. I like to give them time to think about it and meet up a single time and talk it through as much as possible to give her a feeling of closure. But these women aren't doing the same back. They're full on one moment and then a simple SMS ends it. At the moment I'm cool about it, basically because I am not surprised anymore when it happens. Any tips???
BCCA Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 You dont get closure from other people, it comes from within. YOU, and only you, can close a chapter in your life and move on. As far as Im concerned, nothing anyone says when they dump you is going to make sense, and youre not going to want to beleive/hear it anyway. Also, Ive never had a woman break up with me in a mature way. Ive gotten texts, myspace messages, and letters to my work, but never once has a girl sat me down, looked me in the eyes, and let me know what was going on. I imagine women get the same thing, mostly because people are selfish cowards, and they dont really care how it looks when theyre dumping you, because they dont care about whats good for you at that point. Get used to it, most people are jerks. Lastly, women are masters of diguising whats really going on inside. They will make you believe everything is just fine, while they are slowly detaching from you emotionally and eying someone else. You wont even know until its too late, and then youll be the last one to know youre out. You have to really stop listening to what they say, and take a hard look at how the act. Its hard because you WANT to believe that everything is fine, so you go along with it. But there are usually some tell tale signs a girl is on the fence, and after a while, you start to pick up on them.
boogieboy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 You really have to asses what youre doing during these relationships to drive these women to run with smoke following them. You obviously arent seeing the signs leading up to these breakups, because as much as women try to hide their disinterest, you can usually tell when they lose it unless youre totally clueless. I can only guess that since youre not really that broken up about them, you arent really paying that much attention to them, or you dont show them as much interest as people usually do. Thats just to start. So you have to dig deep in your memory of hanging out with these women and try to remember things you did or said that got weird reactions from them.
sugarmomma Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 We can't tell you what you're doing to have this happen to you. You have to do your own soul searching to figure out if this happens do to you or them. Are you being all the things you want in a partner( honest, truthful, considerate, empathetic, understanding, kind etc.). I am a firm believer that we attract what we are.
Author MrFun Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 BCCA how cynical are you????? But you're right. I've also had the creeping suspicion that women in general are like that. I honestly think they don't even want to be mean about it. Their interest in you drops to a certain point and keeps dropping, but they tell themselves that "it'll eventually get better" or "I'll start loving him again" until they realise that they just can't take you anymore and that they RESENT you. Then they dump you because there's just no more hope. Guys, I believe, tend to leave way before it gets to that point. Probably why more guys go back to an ex-gf than women go back to ex-bfs. Just a theory. Nonetheless, maybe it's something men need to get used to....but on the other hand it really drains you. Either you end up laughing about it or you get really riled and start sending them flame wars back. I dunno, but there has to be a better way. In my examples the women were full-on one day and gone the next. Like a snowflake on the windscreen
sugarmomma Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Women put men in categories just like men do. Some guys are fun guys (no pun intended) and some are for real relationships. That's why I asked the question of what kind of energy you put into your R's? But I didn't get an answer. Oh well.
Author MrFun Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Guys, everytime this has happened I thought everything was going fine. We were having a good time, talk for hours, had a good connection. I thought, "this relationship rocks, both on a friendship and a sexual level". I do think, too, you attract what you are. I could understand if there was no sexual attraction, but at least as friends I would expect more communication. I'd be happy to get "lets just be friends" these days!! Possibly women think I will end up hurting them. Everytime I meet a woman they say things like "You're a womanizer", "Don't hurt me, I've been burnt" etc. Also a very good point made by BCCA, you "You dont get closure from other people, it comes from within". I thought that was great. Food for thought, thanks!
Author MrFun Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Women put men in categories just like men do. Some guys are fun guys (no pun intended) and some are for real relationships. That's why I asked the question of what kind of energy you put into your R's? But I didn't get an answer. Oh well. I'm kinda insecure. I think I'm good at meeting women and I might give off that player vibe. But when I'm into someone, and that happens maybe too quickly, I concentrate on just her. By that I mean I don't drop everything else, but I try not to rock the boat by chasing other women. I see myself as a relationship guy, at least that's where I feel the most comfortable. I could easily give up every other woman on the planet for a great gal. What I'm looking for is a relationship with a mature woman that can communicate openly. I'd like a happy fun relationship, great sex, and intimate moments slurping cocktails somewhere near the beach. Difficult to say how much energy that would be, I can't really say.
BCCA Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I think Im just realistic, and I call a spade a spade. Not only do I go on what Ive been through, and what Ive seen here, but I have a lot of female friends a coworkers that tell me the way they handle things, and its usually always the same. I think the key difference with men and women is that you have to really pay attention to what women DONT say. Men are more direct, while women kind of hint, or use other means to get the point accross.
Cora Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 You know I never believed in the you have to make your own closure crap! That is until recently. I was determined that I could not move on from my ex until he gave me a reason to why it was over between us....hell I just wanted to hear him say it was over but I never even got that. Everything was going great and then out of no where POOF!! He disappears on me.....changes his number etc... so I could not get ahold of him. There was no warning and it was like he just fell off the face of the earth. I knew he was alive and well because I called his mothers house because I know he goes there on Sundays with his little boy. His sister answered the phone and said he was there but busy. I could even hear his damn voice in the background and when I told her who it was everyone got silent. She told me she would have him call me back but I knew I would never get that call and I didn't. Right then and there I knew it was over. He was just too much of a coward to face me and tell me that... like I couldn't handle it or something. I found out later that he was engaged to be married. He told his whole family I was some stalker and a whole bunch more lies about me. If anything he was the one who stalked me. After his engagement went bad he literally tracked me down through every social network imaginable. I had already made my own closure by then because I knew I would never get it from him. I was right because once he came back he just avoided my questions. He would never tell me why he could not just be honest with me and chose to take the cowardly way out. He got pissed whenever I brought it up. So no they usually don't give you any closure.....even if they do come crawling back. It's so true you must make your own.
boogieboy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Usually unless youre in a relationship for at least a year, or the woman is completely in love with you for real, women/men dont communicate that well to fix things. Just the way it is. So you have to pick up on things while they happen.
Author MrFun Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 I think the key difference with men and women is that you have to really pay attention to what women DONT say. Men are more direct, while women kind of hint, or use other means to get the point accross. I hear ya, man. We just communicate differently. There are fundamental difference between men and women. To accept them means to find love, to ignore them means agony. We're all trying to understand how they tick.
Author MrFun Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 You know I never believed in the you have to make your own closure crap! That is until recently. I was determined that I could not move on from my ex until he gave me a reason to why it was over between us.... Wow, yeah, I agree. That's some ex-gf you have there. Good for you for finding closure! I'm still waiting for my ex-gf of 6 years to slip up stupidly like that. Finding closure is the hard thing ever for some people. And then something happens and BANG! you're over it.
Cora Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Wow, yeah, I agree. That's some ex-gf you have there. Good for you for finding closure! I'm still waiting for my ex-gf of 6 years to slip up stupidly like that. Finding closure is the hard thing ever for some people. And then something happens and BANG! you're over it. Well it was an ex-bf not ex-gf....although I'm wondering if being with a woman would be easer? I probably would understand them a lot more! HA
Author MrFun Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 LOL, sorry, it's getting late over here. Should head off to bed. ex-gf, ex-bf...it's all tha same
Cora Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 LOL, sorry, it's getting late over here. Should head off to bed. ex-gf, ex-bf...it's all tha same No worries....yeah they are pretty much all the same. All ex's are pretty much ***holes!
sugarmomma Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 I say if you know in your heart you were being the best person you could be it doesn't matter why they left. It would have been nice to be mature and talk about it but that's not something they were able to give. Don't take it personal or allow it to effect your self esteem or welf worth. Move on.
adamt Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 is there such a thing as sudden break up? especially when a woman is the dumper. usually they have been thinking about it for a while then the b/f just hasnt picked up on the warning signs
boogieboy Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 is there such a thing as sudden break up? especially when a woman is the dumper. usually they have been thinking about it for a while then the b/f just hasnt picked up on the warning signs Sudden to the man, not so sudden to the woman. It happens to women to tho. Plenty of women on this board who were dropped like a bad habit.
fairycake Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 yeah I thought sudden break-ups were more common from blokes. There was no problem in my relationship until the last week when he was still texting me everyday but they were cold messages without the affectionate terms he normally used. I noticed straight away but didn't say anything until a few days later as I knew he was having probs to do with his job, finances etc. When I did call him for a chat and told him I thought he was acting distant with me he admitted it, said sorry, that it was his other probs and he still wanted the relationship. We talked as normal and he said 'I love you'. I thought all was OK. Then two days later he tells me on msn he doesn't think he can do a relationship cos of the stuff going on and cos he's bad at them. Considering he was the one who pushed for a serious relationship early on when I was OK with dating more casually I was pretty hurt and angry. I never got any more of an explanation so maybe what he said was all it was. He kept repeating it wasn't me and I believe it as we didn't argue often, there was always lots of affection, the physical stuff was good, he called and texted lots and he never told me he didn't like anthing I was doing. I think it's unfair though to split with someone without trying to explain why and that men or women who do that are selfish and thoughtless.
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