magests74 Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I have been a bit relationship shy for over 8 eays after a heart wrenching split. I've date d aton (no I'm not a whore), but failed to make connections for many years. I met a fellow last November and we really clciked. What stuck out was that he was so sweet, kind and intelligent. He lived about 40 minutes away and had a daughter. None of this scared me off. For the first 5 months we had a riot. We always had a ball, lots of laughs. It seemed pretty effortless. The reality of the situation kind of hit me that I would have to move to his city eventually if things were to keep going. He would not uproot his young daughter nor would I ask him to. The long and the short of it is that things started to peter of the past 2 months. he became less sweet and not quite as attentive. He has his daughter every other week and when he didn't have her made plans without me. I know I know...it doesn't take a brain surgeon. I know it is for the best that we broke up, but I haven't spoken to him in about 3 weeks. When will I stop wondering if he'll call. Is there a magic pill I can take to move on more quickly. Ahhh...I feel pathetic. I know it is not possible for us to get back together, but I'm in the sad state where I just want to know if he misses me. YUCK!
BCCA Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 You know whats funny? You'll stop worrying about when he'll call when you don't care any more. And you'll get there eventually, but there are things you can do that will make it quicker/longer. First, realize that unless he calls and says he sorry for what happened and wants things to be different, him calling is 100% pointless. You really dont want to hear about what hes doing and who he is doing it with. Youre not buddies, you used to date. Very different. Him not calling should make it pretty clear that he doesnt feel like he's doing the wrong thing be letting this relationship go. Next, go ahead and assume he misses you to some degree. Im sure he does. But him missing you doesnt mean that he wants to get back together with you. I miss a lot of ex's, and love some of them (always will), but want nothing to do with them any more. Also, realize that wondering stuff like if he misses you or ever cared will get you nowhere. Youll never REALLY know the answer to that, and thinking worse case scenario will just make you feel like crap. Lastly, accept that you arent going to here from him again, and work on being ok with it. Stay NC, find hobbies and people to hang with, and realize that many other guys will come along.
MrFun Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I have been a bit relationship shy for over 8 eaysThat's where I would start. 8 years, is a long time, don't you think? He has his daughter every other week and when he didn't have her made plans without me.I think that's normal. I know it is for the best that we broke upWhy "for the best"? Did he break it off or did you? I have the impression you did. Is there a magic pill I can take to move on more quickly.How is your relationship shyness now?
Author magests74 Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 You know whats funny? You'll stop worrying about when he'll call when you don't care any more. And you'll get there eventually, but there are things you can do that will make it quicker/longer. First, realize that unless he calls and says he sorry for what happened and wants things to be different, him calling is 100% pointless. You really dont want to hear about what hes doing and who he is doing it with. Youre not buddies, you used to date. Very different. Him not calling should make it pretty clear that he doesnt feel like he's doing the wrong thing be letting this relationship go. Next, go ahead and assume he misses you to some degree. Im sure he does. But him missing you doesnt mean that he wants to get back together with you. I miss a lot of ex's, and love some of them (always will), but want nothing to do with them any more. Also, realize that wondering stuff like if he misses you or ever cared will get you nowhere. Youll never REALLY know the answer to that, and thinking worse case scenario will just make you feel like crap. Lastly, accept that you arent going to here from him again, and work on being ok with it. Stay NC, find hobbies and people to hang with, and realize that many other guys will come along. Fantastic advice. I appreciate it. Thank you
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