crissie Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 My boyfriend and I are have been "dating" since December. From that time until around Middle March I knew we were not exclusive, I knew he had other women and I was dating also. In the middle of March I went on vacation with a friend, he was invited but turned it down, He ended up showing while I was already down there and we got into a huge fight about me being with other people. My defense was I thought we were not exclusive..we decided to countinue on with the relationship. A couple weeks went by we argued about the exclusive thing (I kept asking if we were, his response was this isn't something you discuss, its something you just know)...this in my mind means, NO. Then he finally said we were exclusive....Forward to about 3 weeks ago, I was at his place and snooped into his email (yes bad idea). I found emails from the time we weren't exclusive (of course) I found emails for dates for the day he got back from vacation with me, I found emails for a couple of dates after he said we were exclusive (about a week or two)...then nothing leading up to this point...except for one "flirt" sent on a dating site, she turned him down, so I am not sure if it would have lead anywhere, or if it was a bored at home one night thing (I'll never know)...well after about a week of holding in the information (with no intention of saying anything) my big mouth got the best of me and I'm sure you know what happened...I yelled I didn't trust him, he yelled that I snooped...We then got back together again, he told me he loves me and that he only wants to be with me (I believe him, I am under the impression that it took him a while to break up with the other girls he was seeing and he has been with me only since)........OK, here comes the point of this story.... Today he tells me he got a text from a girl he hasn't talked to in months, the text states (not in exact words) Sorry, I text the wrong *Joe*, but anyways how are you.......he didn't respond, he was just telling me because we thought it was weird that there was no text before that... But while he is telling the story I remember that he had his number changed less then a month ago.....so I ask him how she has his new number, his answer is good question....I'm pissed, question him a few times, getting same response and that he wouldn't have told me if something was going on......then of course, gets mad at me for questioning him so much.....I do love him, I have loved him for a long, long time, but I am entirely too old to play these games...and the thing that bugs me most of all, is that if he wanted to see other people, I would agree to it, but he claims that is not what he wants. (and it's not what I want) He says he is not cheating, he is not fishing for a replacement, and he says he only went out with this girl a couple of times (he thinks she got his new number from his best friends wife)....Thing is, I remember the girl from reading the emails....it was his girlfriend, he broke up with her right before we became "exclusive"
collegekid491 Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 As much as I would love to be able to say yes or no to the question, the thing is I'm only seeing your side to this story. Obviously both answers could be applicable, but here's the thing, if your dating the person... isn't there supposed to be trust? If you don't trust him, the relationship is as good as over anyways, if you do trust him, the ball is in his court and there is really nothing you can do. As a guy who's found himself in a bad situation more then once, you generally won't catch a cheat, they are more likely to hang themselves in their lies.
Thornton Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Firstly, cheaters always try to cover up their own misdemeanours by focusing on the fact that you snooped - if they hadn't been cheating then you wouldn't have felt the need to snoop, and wouldn't have found anything to confront them with. The fact that he got angry suggests that something suspicious is going on. He didn't want to commit to being exclusive with you in the first place, until you sort of forced his hand by saying "two can play at that game" and you were dating other people too. But even after he agreed to be exclusive he was lying to you and still going on dates, sending flirts on dating sites, and giving his new phone number to other women. This does not sound like someone who loves you Now he's getting angry about you asking how this girl has his new number, because he doesn't have an answer... at least not one you would want to hear. Cheaters always get angry and defensive when you push them about something for which they don't have an answer. He probably gave her his number because he wanted to date her or something, but he can't tell you that. Sorry, but I don't think this sounds promising at all. He sounds untrustworthy and he doesn't seem to really care about you, and you're making excuses for his behaviour. I would have dumped my bf for flirting on the dating site alone, never mind all the other stuff. If I were you, I would get rid of him and run as fast as possible in the opposite direction, otherwise you'll end up very hurt.
lora22 Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Hard to say if he's cheating or not - he sounds like a scumbag though. You don't trust him, and as Thornton pointed out, he can't even answer a simple question. While he may not be cheating (yet) the reason for that is that he's not on the up and up. You say you're "too old to play games." So why aren't you "too old" to dump someone who's playing them, and who is untrustworthy?
playlislay Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Yeah, Ive heard it all before missy. Im sorry but my ex did this. We had been 'seeing' each other for hmmm......4.....5 months. I asked to go exclusive i.e. facebook status, uni friends etc. His response was "You know Im pretty secretive babe, and if anyone asks what is happening between us, I will just tell them that we get on great" A week later I hack into his facebook account and find out he had recently slept with two women. Worst of all he actually spent 4 hours denying everything, despite knowing that I had hardcore evidence. Im sorry, but when you are *uh hum* in love with someone then you want to shout it from the rooftops, right?
Asami Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Firstly, cheaters always try to cover up their own misdemeanours by focusing on the fact that you snooped - if they hadn't been cheating then you wouldn't have felt the need to snoop, and wouldn't have found anything to confront them with. The fact that he got angry suggests that something suspicious is going on. He didn't want to commit to being exclusive with you in the first place, until you sort of forced his hand by saying "two can play at that game" and you were dating other people too. But even after he agreed to be exclusive he was lying to you and still going on dates, sending flirts on dating sites, and giving his new phone number to other women. This does not sound like someone who loves you Now he's getting angry about you asking how this girl has his new number, because he doesn't have an answer... at least not one you would want to hear. Cheaters always get angry and defensive when you push them about something for which they don't have an answer. He probably gave her his number because he wanted to date her or something, but he can't tell you that. Sorry, but I don't think this sounds promising at all. He sounds untrustworthy and he doesn't seem to really care about you, and you're making excuses for his behaviour. I would have dumped my bf for flirting on the dating site alone, never mind all the other stuff. If I were you, I would get rid of him and run as fast as possible in the opposite direction, otherwise you'll end up very hurt. I agree with this, there are red flags all over the place, I'd just run for the hills..
Jersey Shortie Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Red Flags. This guy is up to crappy behavior.
Author crissie Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 Thanks a lot for the sound advice. As far as the trust thing, yeah, I know I don't trust him at all. It's funny though because I have never been a jelous person and I am usally very trusting..I guess this should have been the first clue that he is nothing but trouble. He has this way of turning everything around to where at the end of the conversation I feel like I am in the wrong. This relationship is no good from where I am sitting...Unfortunatly, I am not ready to walk away, stupidity maybe, or maybe I am just waiting for the true heartbreak...the one that comes when I physically catch him cheating. At least I have come to terms on where I stand in the relationship (somewhere towards the bottom) I have a very strong attachment to this man, I actually need him in my life, he means so much more to me than being just a "boyfriend" he really is my best friend. He was my friend before he was my boyfriend, I don't want to break up with him because I don't want him to be out of my life all together...wish there was a way to go back to just friends
MissHollywood Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 I have a very strong attachment to this man, I actually need him in my life, he means so much more to me than being just a "boyfriend" he really is my best friend. He was my friend before he was my boyfriend, I don't want to break up with him because I don't want him to be out of my life all together...wish there was a way to go back to just friends Does that mean that you're going to continue dating this guy?
dreamergrl Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Look at all the trust issues that you have, and it's only been like 7 months. Is it really worth it?
AlektraClementine Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 He's not your best friend. Best friends don't lie to each other like he lies to you. You don't need him in your life and you will get over it.
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