bluewolf17 Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I am thinking that my ex and I have a chance at reconciliation. I last saw him Wednesday. We had a great time. I didn't hear from him Thursday. I don't know what's going on with me, my emotions are all over the place! I don't want to ruin my good chance at getting a second shot, but I really want to text him and tell him there are a few things I want to discuss. I was NC for 3 weeks, till he started reaching out for me, and wanted to see me. We have seen eachother Tues and Weds of this week, and talked on the phone, but we HAVE NOT talked about the R at all! Isn't that a little weird? I feel like I deserve to know what his intentions are. If he thinks we have a shot (his actions seem to lead me to beleive that) or if he just wants to be friends. I know if I asked him, he would be honest. But I also don't want to come off as the needy desperate ex that has to know where things are going, and ruin a good shot of making things work by pressuring him. Please advise! I have forced myself to turn my cell phone off so I won't text him. It's 9:30 am here for gods sake! It's to early to be this confused. Bluewolf17
boogieboy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 You have to wait for him to talk about the relationship. If you pressure him, he will run for sure. You have to handle it like this is a new relationship, you dont want to bring up old stuff. old stuff is a downer. if he starts making out with you, you should wait the same amount of time you waited in the beginning to find out if you two were exclusive to ask him. But if he makes out with you then you dont hear from him or see him in a week, then you know he is just using you. Then you know where you stand. Put it this way.... If you started seeing a guy, and he asks you where he stands in your eyes on the second date, before you two even start making out, what would you think?
CaliGuy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Blue, you are making mistakes that are bound to make a reconcilliation fail. 1. He broke it off, he has to want it to work. MAKE HIM WORK FOR IT. 2. Don't initiate anything. Your life is great with or without him. He needs to be aware of that. 3. Don't get caught up in the excitement and miss the boat, so to speak. 4. You both need to figure out what went wrong the first time so you do not repeat the mistakes of the past. Honestly, you are headed straight for heartbreak again. Why do you need to text him? Who cares if it works out or not? Stop wrapping yourself up so much into what is going on, what he is thinking, etc. Instead, focus on your life, the fun things you have going on, hang out with friends. Bottom line is you are making this guy the center of your Earth, again. NOT GOOD.
Author bluewolf17 Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 BoogieBoy: Good point. I keep saying I want to "start fresh", and for some reason, I keep up dredging up the old stuff. Caliguy: Some find you abrasive. I have seen some back and forth posts where some think you are being a bit hard on them. Personally, I freakin' love you. THANK YOU for all your honest, straight to the point advice. You are right on every post. When the emotions get involved, it tends to throw rationality out the window...plus I'm hungover from last night, and my mind is mush. It makes perfect sense. He knows I am willing to work on things, and he got back in contact with me, and pushed to see me. So why am I the one wondering whats going on. I need to just relax, keep doing what I am doing, and let him come to me. I actually feel SO GOOD not sending him any messages. Thank you for stopping me! I won't do it.
hopefulInFuture Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I am not sure I agree with you. She was the one who broke up with him. Hell, I am not sure I would take them back so easily so I totally understand his point. When she wanted him back he stood strong saying he did not want her back. Maybe, he was hurt. I think after all has been between them it's a parity situation. So, I don't think that she should always wait for him to call. Maybe he also needs to understand whether she needs him. Otherwise to him it seems that he's doing all the chasing of the person that once broke up with him! If this person is honest, what's wrong with a sincere talk? I don't believe in the mind blowing games and I believe in honesty. Anyhow girl, you truly care about this guy and most likely he cares about you as well. But don't hasten the things. You both need to give each other enough time to start trusting back each other. You need to first start rebuilding your friendship and go from there. If love is still there it will work out. But to me love and true friendship means showing another person that you care. If I were in his situation and I was continuously pursuing and you were always detached I am not sure I would continue for so much. You already broke his heart once. I would simply give back as much as he's giving you. There's nothing wrong with showing that you also care about him by contacting him once in a while and asking him how he's doing and that you had fun the other night. Just don't get your hopes up. Fight for it if you want him back. But try to protect your heart and accept that anything might happen.
CaliGuy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 BoogieBoy: Good point. I keep saying I want to "start fresh", and for some reason, I keep up dredging up the old stuff. Caliguy: Some find you abrasive. I have seen some back and forth posts where some think you are being a bit hard on them. Personally, I freakin' love you. THANK YOU for all your honest, straight to the point advice. You are right on every post. When the emotions get involved, it tends to throw rationality out the window...plus I'm hungover from last night, and my mind is mush. It makes perfect sense. He knows I am willing to work on things, and he got back in contact with me, and pushed to see me. So why am I the one wondering whats going on. I need to just relax, keep doing what I am doing, and let him come to me. I actually feel SO GOOD not sending him any messages. Thank you for stopping me! I won't do it. You're welcome. I just want you to temper your enthusiasm. Be a prize (not arrogant, just not "easy" ya know?!). Good luck and don't stress. If it works out, it works out. If not, you will survive. I promise.
Author bluewolf17 Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Your right, I did break up with him, at first. But I honeslty don't see the break up like that. I came back after 2 days! I tried everything! When I pushed to find out how he felt about me, he would just say we both made mistakes, and that maybe its for the best, and that he thinks we could be together again, but not right now. I feel like he broke up with me. I am not here to argue who's at fualt. I know I am. Please don't get on me about that... I was the one pursuing him, at first. Like I said, I tried everything. Since the 3 weeks of NC, it was him pursuing. I haven't initiated calling him simply because I don't know what he wants, and I am just protecting myself. But when we do talk, and when we see eachother, its great. I am open and loving and fun (at least thats my feeling). So it's not like I am being cold to him. I just wait for him to make plans with me, because then I know he WANTS TO SEE ME, not that he's just accepting my dates. I just dont want to mess this up.
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