rachel m Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I'm wondering if I want to introduce my brand new boyfriend to my coworkers when I feel things are off between the two of us. Last week, I invited him to a party my office is throwing tonight. It is an event where significant others are invited. Things were going great between us, so I told him there was an office party, that better halfs were invited. We had been going strong as boyfriend girlfriend for a month, so I asked him if he wanted to come. I told him I understood if he felt it was a bit soon. He told me he would love to come. We've only been together three months, but have been official for about a month of those three months. He keeps bringing up plans for the future, etc. Anyway, here's the problem. Lately he's been pulling back. He's taking days to return my emails and didn't return a call I made yesterday. This is a drastic change from how things were going before. He would be in touch with me everyday. I don't think it's directly related to me inviting him to the party, but what do I know. Now I no longer feel like introducing him to my coworkers. I don't like feeling neglected. But how do I bring this up on the day of, without creating too much drama? Should I just go with the established plans and then let him take all the space he needs???
MusicChick24 Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 In my opinion it could be hard to get out of that one without hurting his feelings or making him feel neglected because it wouldn't be easy to explain your sudden change of heart regarding introducing him to your co-workers. I would ditch the party yourself (unless you are required to go) and spend the time with your bf. If you decide not to go and that leads to him not coming along he might understand more, but question why you suddenly decided to skip. If you are a required to go to the party you could tell him that you heard that no one was bringing guests (but lying isn't good either). So if you are like me and don't want to lie to your bf or hurt his feelings. Just take him or skip. Sorry I may not be very helpful but I don't see that you have many options.
Author rachel m Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Hi musikchick I like your signature. He already knows guests are welcomed. So a lie wouldn't work. I understand that uninviting him would be inviting drama. Since I already feel vulnerable because of the distance he's taking, the last thing I want to do is skip the party and spend the night with him instead. But, if I bring him to the party, then all my co-workers are going to think that the two of us are an item. I thought we were becoming one, but now I'm doubting it. I probably shouldn't have invited him at all, not until we'd been together for much longer. Lesson learned. Any other input?
GorillaTheater Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Given the lack of communication, has he recently (in the last day or two) confirmed plans or the fact he's coming?
Author rachel m Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Given the lack of communication, has he recently (in the last day or two) confirmed plans or the fact he's coming? He told me on Wednesday he was coming, but we haven't really confirmed plans. I don't think I told him where and at what time the party was and we haven't spoken about how we were getting there. I would have discussed this had he returned my call. I expect him to call or contact today. If he doesn't, I'm simply going without him and will think about what it all means tomorow.
MissHollywood Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 This is a tough one. Would you feel like talking to him about what's been going on before the day of the office party?
GorillaTheater Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 He told me on Wednesday he was coming, but we haven't really confirmed plans. I don't think I told him where and at what time the party was and we haven't spoken about how we were getting there. I would have discussed this had he returned my call. I expect him to call or contact today. If he doesn't, I'm simply going without him and will think about what it all means tomorow. Exactly what my advice would have been. I probably don't need to tell you that the business with tonight's party is only a small facet of the larger problem with your guy. You two should have a chat about that soon.
Author rachel m Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Today is the day of the office party. Musikchick makes a good point when she says that uninviting him would create unnecessary drama. So if he does call, I wouldn't bring anything up before or during the party. I would just go and have a good time with my coworkers and hope he has a good time too. Then I will put up with coworker enquiries at the office and explain that things aren't too serious between the two of us. You guys think I should bring this up? How would I do that?
GorillaTheater Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I would simply ask him where he sees the relationship going; that his actions don't seem to indicate that he's very interested and that you'd like to know if you're interpreting his actions wrong.
Author rachel m Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 We had that talk this week. We just landed on the subject of the future and he says he can't help but imagine growing old with me. He said he likes me a lot and made a joke about me being stuck with him for awhile. He's the one who made the relationship official. Up until this week, his actions matched those words. This makes me want to give him some space and see what happens. If I continue to feel neglected though, I will try to bring it up.
Author rachel m Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 Update He called yesterday and asked me out for lunch. At lunch I brought up the subject of me feeling it was too early to introduce him to my coworkers. That launched us into The Talk. It ended up being a very positive conversation about us. I fessed up that the reason I was feeling needy and vulnerable because I felt that I liked him too much. He smiled the sweetest smile and said: "don't worry about liking me too much. If anything, I like you too much. You can't scare me away." He also alluded to the fact that he wasn't always sure about my feelings. We also talked about the unreturned phone call and he apologized. Said his phone was out and he thought it was too late to call back when he finally got the message.
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