wonderifshelikesme Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 So...I have been with my girlfriend going on 3 months now and we are very in love and happy together. She wants to move in with me and both of us could truly see spending our lives together. She has a controlling personality--which I started to notice when she would point out little faults with me at times. It's been exasperated lately due to some things that happened in her life, as she also has chronic anxiety and depression. Anyways though, she is one that likes to be in control and "push the boundaries" in some aspects. She is also extremely beautiful in an exotic way and of course literally every guy tries to hit on her. I'm fine with that, I can't blame them. She of course loves attention, but she is also faithful to me and will make it known she is in love with her boyfriend. She is a sweetheart of a girl but has had a harder life than I and in the past she has made some mistakes and cheated on her men. She particularly regrets cheating on one guy that she truly loved and that of course ruined the relationship. It seems she learned from this. She has said she cheated in most of her past relationships. The guy she cheated with, let's call him B. B is an accquaintance of mine and not one I particularly trust. In the past, I was very interested in this girl and we had a spark and a thing going...and he tells her behind my back that I was saying, "All I want to do with this girl is bang her, I don't really care about her." The girl just started acting mad at me for no reason and then I confronted her and found out he completely made that up trying to get her--but she wasn't interested in him still, just mad at me. After that, I held that guy on a lower level and never respected him anymore. I'd never do that to a friend of mine, so I saw he wasn't a friend of mine. This guy is hopelessly in love with my girlfriend, and I can't fault him for that. She's a great girl. She never felt it with that guy, which is not surprising as they aren't a good fit at all and he has a young daughter and she isn't looking for any of that. Not to mention he is a drug dealer and not particularly going somewhere special in life. The guy will give her money and things like that sometimes. My girlfriend literally ruined a past relationship cheating with this guy, but she has never had sex with him. I know this because he apparently has severe HPV. Hah not to keep knocking on this guy but it's known. Me and the girl got in a fight at the beginning of the relationship and of course she goes to him and other frineds for comfort. She was laying in a bed with him and he tried to make a move on her. She of course shot him down, but still...that bothers me he tried that, although I would expect it. They talk all the time and apparently he will talk crap about me sometimes and every now and then he will have a rampage and go into something about why is she hanging with him, or etc. etc. when she loves me and we are together. My girlfriend stresses out and takes it out on me saying she "can't deal with this" and I'm just saying...then don't? I'm not making you and I'm not saying anything here, I'm just chilling! I will also say that it really bothers me when she says, "I love you." to the guy every time and he says it to her on the phone, right in front of me. Blatantly right in front of me. She did that last night and hangs up and tries to get kinky with me and I just wasn't in the mood and brushed her off--which she isn't used to happening. I just feel kind of disrespected in a way, particularly because I don't trust the guy, he already tried to make a move behind my back, and she has cheated in the past with him. I told her I'm not comfortable with her laying in a bed with the dude, even if they are juts "friends" given his past actions. I trust her completely but it's more of a respect thing. Am I just being immature and insecure here? I truly don't even worry about her cheating on me, give her plenty of space to do her own thing, just love her and support her--in a non-overbearing way and we are really happy together, but I feel a little disrespected with this particular guy. It just puts me off hearing her say I love you to him because of the guy.
Author wonderifshelikesme Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 I meant to add about her being controlling... Say if I said I was going to get drinks with 2 co-workers on a Friday. They are new and finally some young people! I'm 24 and the next youngest person is 30 and married so I have no co-worker friends...we hired 2 young employees now. 1 attractive girl and a guy. She would get jealous if I am with that girl to some extent. I went to meet friends for this girl's bday, an old friend, and my girlfriend was put off by that. She gets jealous easily at that. Basically it feels also like a double standard because I guarantee if I was even friendly chatting with say an ex or a girl I had a fling/spark with in the past--she would lose it! Here she is saying I love you to this somewhat of a scumbag guy that cheated with her in the past and absolutely ruined her relationship with the "love of her life at the time". I also told her--I would never knowingly be the person that hooks up with someone if they are in a relationship. I told her if he's a good guy, he wouldn't do that. Girls will try and use me sometimes because I guess I am a good lover and a little different from most guys and this girl had tried to cheat on her boyfriend with me and lied to me about having a boyfriend. As soon as I found out, I was furious with her and left. I try to tell my girlfriend, someone that would cheat with you and ruin a "love of your life" relationship...perhaps that isn't a true friend? I dunno...this confuses me to some extent because I trust the girl and it's a minor issue but it also bothers me too! Also the double standard irks me...I kind of want to call up one of my old flings that I am friends with and just chat with her in front of my girlfriend, like she often does to me, just to see her reaction. Of course it will not be good and then I'd like to say..."Can you see how I feel perhaps?" I am being immature I know!
todd_n Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 You my friend fit the definition of "moron" to a tee.
boogieboy Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Yep, either be a man and tell her to stop seeing the guy (which she wont) or make her jealous mby making it appear that you are good friends with a woman. Give her a taste of her own medicine. If you dont want to do that then leave her, because otherwise you will just be her doormat forever.
trahn Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 man, I read your entire post, and you are in bad shape man...real bad shape. You fell head over heels for this chick and you're gonna end up getting hurt. The first problem is making "excuses" for why she belittles you, or as you said "points out your faults." That's a major issue and that isn't gonna get any better man. That is her personality and as you said she's very controlling. As far as your "friend" goes, that's the exact reason I don't have too many "friends" myself. Real friends are hard to find. Regardless, it isn't his fault your "GF" you want to live the rest of your life with is telling him "SHE LOVES HIM" right in front of you. Wow man, all I could say if a woman ever did any of that **** to me she'd be gone like yesterday's trash. This girl has some exotic physical "beauty" and that's all you see in her. Again, you fell head over heels and you're getting played and gonna continue to get played. This girl would cheat on you in a split second and i'd bet 50-1 she's already cheated on you. I'm not trying to deflate you man, just being realistic. It sounds like your girl has a lot of street smarts too, especially if she's close with this dope dealer. Like Scarface said man, "you can't turn a hooker into a housewife." Not saying she's a hooker, but with all the other facts you stated, you really are in bad, bad shape man. End the relationship as soon as you can or you're gonna really regret it.
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