complicatedlife Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Actually, I have two questions: 1. Besides the obvious outside parameters, did you find your relationship to be any different after the divorce? And if so, how? 2. How long did you "date" before you both decided (or maybe he suprised you by asking) to get engaged/married? Thanks in advance for any input. CL (thankfully, no longer complicated!)
GreenEyedLady Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 No, it isn't different. It's pretty much the same. Except that we moved in right away together. We got engaged before they were divorced and married less than two weeks after the ink was dry. I don't think most couples are as out about it though.
Author complicatedlife Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 No, it isn't different. It's pretty much the same. Except that we moved in right away together. We got engaged before they were divorced and married less than two weeks after the ink was dry. I don't think most couples are as out about it though. I find that it's actually nicer because it's a much less stressful time. I know you have children, but I don't remember if your H does, too. How did the children deal with the moving in? The children are a big concern - we're not planning to move in now, but we're discussing options....just PM'd you, btw.
OWoman Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 1. Besides the obvious outside parameters, did you find your relationship to be any different after the divorce? And if so, how? 2. How long did you "date" before you both decided (or maybe he suprised you by asking) to get engaged/married? Like GEL. we also got engaged before the D was through, and M as soon as it was. We'd been living together during the D, so there was no change there. How did the R change since he moved out / since I moved in? Well, aside from external factors like the rough time his xW put him through, I can't really put my finger on anything obvious. The sharing of tough times made us closer, and the thrill of finally being together full-time, permanently was wonderful, but we had the same easy, fun, intense, loving, passionate R as before. Only, we knew it was for keeps, and that she'd soon be a distant memory (well, we hoped...) We went out last night with friends, including some friends he'd lost touch with who didn't know he'd Dd and we'd Md (he'd lost touch with them years before - they didn't like his xW) and so had to tell them the whole story - how we'd met, etc - and everyone else was chipping in and it felt like we'd all known each other forever. Yet each day is still a voyage of discovery, and each time the light catches him at a different angle he sparkles differently like a many-facetted jewel. 1
Author complicatedlife Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 Thanks, GEL and OWoman. My BF is driving me insane right now - I'm dealing with the "I'm a failure" syndrome now....it's the pits and damn depressing. Future talks on hold until I get over this bump!
GreenEyedLady Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Tell him to snap out of it before he loses the best thing that ever happened to him-and mean it. GEL
Author complicatedlife Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 Tell him to snap out of it before he loses the best thing that ever happened to him-and mean it. GEL Been there <sigh>. You know what I got? "I know that my current condition may have consequences for you and us, but I do wish that you will stick by me and see me through this." UURRGGH. Don't get me wrong...he is definitely facing some additional difficulties with the exW - she is REALLY showing who she is, but he has got to MAN UP. It's infuriating! And I can't help him with this one - it's all up to him and his therapist.
jj33 Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 You hit it right there complicated -if you are constantly doing things for him, he doesnt have to man up.
GreenEyedLady Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Been there <sigh>. You know what I got? "I know that my current condition may have consequences for you and us, but I do wish that you will stick by me and see me through this." UURRGGH. Don't get me wrong...he is definitely facing some additional difficulties with the exW - she is REALLY showing who she is, but he has got to MAN UP. It's infuriating! And I can't help him with this one - it's all up to him and his therapist. It is up to him. But what is up to you is how long you will be treated in a way that you feel is unacceptable to you. The only reason I think he even said such a thing is that he doesn't actually think you'll leave him. It's an eye opener when they realize that they're not god's gift and they could end up alone. And it's not like you're asking for too much. It's one thing to be supportive, and I wholeheartedly agree. But you need your needs met too and it sets a precedent for the rest of your R. So just be careful. I know how it feels to be so close, yet so far.
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