mickie Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I will try to make this short and semi-sweet. Had a pretty average childhood until 13. At 13, my father went to prison (taxes) for six years. My mother was left to raise me, 13 and my then younger brother who was just born. Between 13 - 19 I had some problems; mostly medical. Was also hit by a car and motorcycle accident between 17 - 19. None the less, during that time, I did help my mom out by working starting at 15 thru the time my father returned home. My younger brother is fine, me not so much. Anyways, started a web site at 19, became pretty popular sold it to a big company just last year. Financially, I am pretty safe. But, now 30, I realize maybe the costs were not worth the end means. Yea, I do not have to work, but I do to kill time. The costs were working on the site night and day, no social life. At 30, zero friends, have not really had a relationship since my teens. Had a few for a few months each, but they did not work out. In terms of sex, that has not happened either since early teens. I've been able to control my emotions to a point where it just does not matter anymore. These are my cards in life and I am playing them the best I can. Family thinks everything is fine. Which is good. Though, I do think, if I had a normal average teenage life, life would be better. I've tried online dating, the girls do not even respond. I am not that bad looking. Fit and well kept. When I do go out on dates, always very postiive, don't talk abount money, etc. Not sure whats going on, but I seem to, sometimes cave into my emotions of loneliness. Hence, I tried online dating. Plus, since I am outside of a major city, that is not helping much either. Looking for some sort of rationale here.
Ronni_W Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Hey Mickie. First, congrats for all the stuff that you have done well...and there have been plenty. I'm wondering if it may be that you've become disconnected from your purpose and passion? I've never before had the opportunity to ask this of somebody to whom it ACTUALLY applies but...If money were no object, what would you be doing with your life? Well, I guess I should ask, "Since money is no object, what do you want to do with the rest of your life?" Is there a cause that you feel particularly drawn to? Visit some (more?) major landmarks on the planet? Become an adventurer and go in search of a Crystal Skull or two? Sponsor a team who is doing that? Follow the F1 or tennis circuit for a season? Sponsor and/or coach a local Little League team? Go on a year-long sabbatical to some faith or wisdom tradition-based retreat? Study Sanskrit or some other more-obscure language? Volunteer at a local soup kitchen/shelter? Master meditation or karate, or photography? Start a new website -- just for the love of it (and success will just be a nice bonus)? What do you love? When it's just you with you, what makes you feel really, really warm and fuzzy just thinking about or observing it? Follow that! From your post, it sounds as if you've started to look for fulfillment outside of yourself, specifically in relationships. Those can be rewarding, of course, but you've still got to bring to the table your own passion and ability to fulfill yourself from the inside. At the moment, it appears that you are focusing on your past challenges and accomplishments, and on what you do NOT have in the present. I'd suggest to start working on what type of experiences (feelings, sensations) you want to have in the present, and then decide what will be the best way for you to bring those into your life. Not what can a relationship or activity give to you, but how can you give to an activity or relationship what you want to experience? If that makes a bit of sense?
hopefulInFuture Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I think such childhood or adolescence can take a toll on anybody. I had a very difficult childhood with my dad being very abusive, with my dad hitting my mom and cheating on her, with him being mean and degrading to me... All of this took a tall on me and when I was 15 I left and went to another country all on my own. I succeeded in studies and in work and now I have lots of degrees and a wonderful job. But the road that took me from my childhood to where I am was very painful and lonely. It took many many many years of my personal fight to get over this hurt. And honestly, I still get bouts of depression and helpless feelings from time to time. I have to constantly remind myself how lucky I am for the life I've lived and for what I have accomplished. I understand how you are feeling. You are feeling very lonely. And you most likely still have issues to resolve in yourself that stem from your difficult childhood. I am certain that what happens in your childhood influences the rest of your life. I commend you for making the most of your situation. You did not give in. Regardless of all of these difficulties you decided to fight and succeed. But you need to help yourself. If money is no issue for you, go see a counselor. He or she might be able to help you to get through your hurt. You are a good looking, intelligent man with no money issues but seem to be unable to find friends and girlfriends. I think this is only because you are unhappy with yourself and you need help from somebody to get rid of your hurt and baggage. Take care of yourself.
GorillaTheater Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Ronni's advice is terrific, I couldn't have possibly said it better.
Author mickie Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 [FONT=TimesNewRomanPSMT]Thanks Ronni, your input is appreciated. Yea, I fight with depression almost daily. I just assume it will get better over time. I did have friends when I was in high school, but after high school everyone moves away. I did try to re-connect with them, little success. I though dating would be good. However, since I work at home with the side jobs (other web sites and trading), no oppertunities to meet someone in real life. Online dating is rough. I never seen so much rejection in my life. I had no problems getting girls in my teens. Nowadays, it seems impossible, online. I've modeled my profile after other "regular" people. No mention of the sites or startup sold. I say I am an online trader, its honest, and a successful one at that. No negativity whatsoever. But they do not reply. I find that just amazing. I guess I am wondering how to start a social life when I have ground zero to start with? I had a couple of interests in college, but did not persue them. It was not the right time. I wanted to make sure I would not financially struggle anymore. Trust me, when you have no electricty and little food as a teen, you'd watch every penny too. I am not extreme, but I still watch every dime. Plus, if my parents or brother ever needed a hand, I would be there for them. I am not shy, so that is not an issue. And I am not overly agressive, so that is not an issue either. As for talking to a shink, not so sure that would be a good idea. I am not one for opening up on my true emotions. I'd rather have everything look positive from outward in. I'm not into complaining about the past or having the victim mentiality. For the way I chose to lead my life I take full responibility. Not blaming dad for anything. He did not mean to loose everything, and mom did her best. Though, I suspect they believe something is not 100%. I reassure them everything is fine. I am not suicidal or anything. That would hurt the family more than me. They are in their 60's. Still working trying to survive, they do not need my issues loaded on. I am content in keeping it to myself. And I have come to realize that it may be a very real possibility that I may be alone for my life too. Its cool, thought I do wish it were different. A balance of the two would had been nicer to have. Though, not sure I would trade emotional struggle for a financial struggle.... [/FONT]
hopefulInFuture Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 nobody is talking about acting like a victim. The point is that I have a person, my mom, who I can share anything and talking, talking, talking helped me a lot. My ex boyfriend also helped me to overcome my childhood difficulties. You feel like you can't talk to anyone. You are keeping everything inside. I think a counselor can help you. You need to take all this stuff out. It's killing you.
Author mickie Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 I can always talk to myself? :') I'm good company. Would love to figure out the best ways to meet girls again. Since I get no response (surprised how many people are this rude) from the women I did write, should I try something else? I think that once I can get into a relationship everything will start to fall into place. I guess its a big trust issue, since there really is no one I trust 100%. Not that family is not cool, its more I do not want to burden them. So, outside of "reationship/friend issues" we're pretty cool. They think I have friends and a girlfriend. While the first is not entirely true, the second had happened when I did date a few girls. The first really did not fit well with me. The second said she liked me and had a great time with me, but did not have the burning desire feeling, she moved on. The third, which believe it or not, was more like me, but like 1000% worse. Not showing up for dates, secretive about her personal life, eh. Not worth my time. I tried to stay around a bit, but it went no where. All three were met online. The only one I had serious feelings for was # 2, which I lost. Ironically, today she turned 31. Damn shame it did not work out. I just emulated what other people did with their girlfriends at the beginning, texted a bit, called once and awhile, but maybe was not passionate or agressive enough. Anyway, yea, I still think of her, even contacted her out of the blue a few months ago, first she was interested in dating again, and poof, never heard from her again. Only one other time I felt like that, and I lost that one too. Who really knows what's in store for my future. I think I have at least a 50/50 chance of being either good or bad; in terms of relationships.
Ronni_W Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I've modeled my profile after other "regular" people. That sounds as if you don't exactly feel that you are one. What is a "regular" people, and what makes you believe that you are an "irregular" people? A therapist will be able to help you sort out whether or not your depression and loneliness are coming from (faulty) beliefs and a (distorted) self-image that you don't really fit in anywhere, and are responsible for others' feelings and well-being, and need to hide who you really are and what you really need, want and feel.
Author mickie Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Normal as in being a normal average teenager. Going to college, have fun, having friends, relations, etc. You know, what everyone else does/did.
Ronni_W Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Normal as in being a normal average teenager. Going to college, have fun, having friends, relations, etc. You know, what everyone else does/did. Ah, okay. So you're defining your current self by your childhood/adolescent circumstances and experiences? The thing is that you are a very different person now and, presumably, you bring a lot more to the table as your CURRENT self -- given whatever positive, inspirational experiences you have had since you became successful, and your current level of self-awareness. Again, a therapist can help you uncover all your positive qualities, gifts and talents and learn how to present those in positive ways. As well, if you are finding it challenging to shift your perspective from past to current, and struggling with limiting beliefs, then therapy will also be beneficial. Basically, you can do something for yourself that will put you in forward motion, or you can choose to stay stuck by keeping your focus on the past and what you don't currently have but want.
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