hopefulInFuture Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 It's been 3 weeks of no contact and I was doing quite well until today. Going on with my life. Meeting with friends. Doing some awsome things I love doing. I also had wonderful weekends when I had so much fun that I totally forgot about him. Today I've been just hypersensitive (it's that particular monthly time in a woman's life)... I've been tearful since the morning but I was not even thinking of him. Now, he sends me an email, related to work (we work in the same department), asking me to talk to a colleague about this work stuff on his behalf because he did not have time... Oh gosh, I suddenly broke down. I got so mad, so upset. I responded to him that I'm busy too and that we're all short of time. I've always dedicated a lot of my time helping out others. But I just could not stand that he'd ask for my help. He replied to me: ok, thanks anyways. All of a sudden I broke into tears. And I was so mad... I don't even know why. I tried to understand whether it was because I missed him and it's not because of that. I don't miss him. Deep down I always knew and I know he was never good enough for me. After all his lies I started discovering several months ago, I would have never wanted a serious, long-term relationship with him... I decided to chill the relationship down with him. But I am still so mad that he started seeing another colleague of ours from another country without telling me while we still hung out together all the time going to movies, theatre, etc. He never told me about her and definitely he never told her about me. I feel as if he cheated on me. If he cared about me, even if we were not officially together he should have told me, right? I can't forgive that. I can't forgive a lot of things. Every time I broke up with him because of his lies, he was the one coming after me. He was the one chasing me down. Deep down in my heart I knew that he would not do it for me because he was a liar. Therefore I wanted to distance myself from him. He kept searching for me, writing me, phoning me, meeting me... and I had given in every time. The last time the no contact lasted approximately 10 days, where I told him to understand what he wanted from his life and not to come looking after me unless he decided to be totally transparent with me. He came looking after me, he kept writing me, sms-ing me until I gave in and started seeing him again. I thought he finally understood and that he wanted to see whether we could work it out. And this time things seemed to be going much better. I thought he had finally changed. He took me out to dinners and he held my hand. We went to the movies together, we travelled together. Well, I found out only 1 month later that he was officially in a relationship with another colleague of ours and it had been going on for the past 2 months. If it had not been her telling me in a casual way that they were together I would have never thought of it. I did not even have doubts at this time. When She told me they were together, I distanced myself, initially I decided it was the best for me not to even talk to him ever. Since he kept sending me sms, I decided it was the right thing to do to inform him that I knew because she had told me. His response was: well, do I need to tell you of all the women I am having sex with? I can't forgive him all this. Why did not he just let me go given that he already had someone else on the side... I was doing so well without him all the other times... It would have at least saved me from the hurt of knowing that he was seeing her while he was seeing me. Ok, there's been no sex involved for the past several months because we weren't officially together, my choice, but I still had feelings and he knew that. Sorry for ranting... I just needed to get all this stuff out. I still don't understand why I was doing so well for the past 3 weeks and why I just broke down into tears today as I felt so much anger after his email... I hope to wake up one day and to not even remember who he is. I wish he just disappears into nowhere. I want this feeling of hurt and betrayal to vanish...
TaraMaiden Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Hey, go easy on yourself. This is a mourning process, and it's all still very fresh..... It does ease off, I promise, and I think you've been doing brilliantly, but trust me - your 'time of the month' notwithstanding, guys also get these feelings, so you're certainly not alone! You're upset, hurt and feelings have surfaced. In addition to this, don't berate yourself or kick yourself mentally for feeling this way. You've got enough to handle without clonking yourself over the head with a Championship-size baseball bat! The cure - or at least a pleasant remedy - is to do something seriously decadent for yourself - and know you deserve it. Buy yourslef a nice piece of jewellery, or go for a manicure and pedicure. or even book a weekend away at a spa..... Right now, you are the best thing you've got. And you'll always have 'you' so take care of you, cherish you and look at how truly wonderful you really are. The sooner you realise just what a great being you are, and start smiling at yourself in the mirror - with feeling! - the better! Chin up!
JadedHeart Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 That's why I'm never friends with my ex so this does not happen to me. It almost did with my recent ex. She pretty much did the same bull crap he did to you. It disgusts me how people are in relationships yet they act like a couple with other people. To some people that's how they set their boundaries and to them they see nothing wrong with it. They simply enjoy your companionship. Personally, not trying to impose on anyone here but I think it's wrong. When you're in another relationship and they act lovey dovey to other people screw that. Do a clean break, I am so glad I did 4-5 months later I'm doing great. I sincerely hope you feel better
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