songbird01 Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Right so here is the story of my attempts to get my ex back and why it didn't work. We dated for 5 months and everything was fantastic, we were 4 days from moving in together when she freaked out. Her previous relationship was 3 1/2 years which ended in her fiancee calling it off. I met her 6 weeks later, bad i know! Complete devastation, and weeks of intense depression followed. The cited reasons for the break up was lost passion (probably the biggest killer), scared of repeating all the same things that happened with her ex, and feeling like she no longer knew herself, needed some space to be single and sort herself out. She wanted to stay friends and "see what happens" i foolishly agreed. 1 month of no contact (one or two texts from me) and i ran into her on a friday night, we both had dates we were going to meet. The next day i asked for a drink and she agreed. She told me how much she missed me and she was glad that i had called. We kept seeing each other once a week or so having heaps of fun and making all kinds of future plans to do stuff together. Nothing physical though. I should have tried kissing her and ended it sooner or perhaps turned things around before she completely drifted away emotionally. I helped her move house, lame right, and then everything went downhill. She told me that i am still her best friend, sent me on my way and threw a big party at her new flat without saying anything about it, hmm right. I took her a potted anthurium as a flat warming gift a few days later when i found out about the party. I could tell by her reception of the gift that there had been a major change in her attitude towards me. I tried getting her to meet up for a drink to end it one way or another, it took ten days during which i caught her on a date with some other dude. when we finally met up she said "so you know i am dating again, and ahve been for a few weeks, i hope you are ok with that". "I said i hope he is a great guy, because you are great and deserve to be happy but i still care for in more ways than a friend should and honestly believed we may have been getting back together, it would be nice if we could be friends but i don't think i can handle it". I deleted her phone number, facebook profile and iniated no contact 2 weeks ago. Something i should have stayed with before we started hanging out as mates. I have since met her ex-fiancee and two nights later caught her glaring at me through the window at a local pub shortly followed by her new dude who had a good size up of me. In a way i am happy to know the situation is over with the exception of seeing her around town on a regular basis. To all those starting a new relationship beware of people with extreme emotional baggage, it never ends well. I am also happy to know that she now knows where i stand, i honestly expect her to be in contact with me in a few months wanting to hang out, but by then i am sure it will be too late as am already moving on. Can we ever "just" be friends, possible but unlikely, does anyone ever really maintain a close friendship with an ex? I can honestly say she is one of the coolest people i have ever met which is why i was so stoked to be dating her. I believe i will always have feelings for her and would never be able to be her mate without wanting to try and rekindle the relationship at some point and inevitably setting myself up for more emotional hurt, and really how many times can you really let the same person hurt you? At the same time one never knows what the future may hold, but i am not holding my breath. Maybe i should have tried different things, maybe i should have tried to get her back harder and sooner, i would have had nothing to lose cause i have now lost it all anyway. I hope you all enjoyed my story, and would appreciate any comments.
001bh Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 similar situation dude. coolest girl i ever met, loved, broke up because she needs space and is going to grad school.......i still want her back. she just wants to be friends. i feel short changed.
boogieboy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 nah man, once a girl loses her love for you, they dont ever get it back. Once a girl says she needs space, its just the cowardly way of saying "I lost interest in you 2 months ago, and I already found a new guy that is more interesting than you. You cant be friends when you still want to rekindle in your heart. So put her out of your life totally and completely. Theres no benefit to a friendship. move on and find a new girl. The worst thing you can do is keep the ex in the picture and start comparing newe girls to her. Move on, and find another cool girl. And see if you can figure out where you turned your ex off, so you dont do it to the next girl and turn her off also.
Author songbird01 Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Yeah friendship is a pretty bad concilation prize. It's like hey you are ok, but i don't find you romantically interesting anymore. Yeah I need space is a major relationship killer. I can see where i went wrong and will not repeat the same mistakes in the future. Too nice, not enough of a challenge, capitualting in arguments, etc. It is one of those things if someone really loves you then they will not be afraid to commit, and to make things work. Maybe she has turned into a committment phobe? She talked alot during the relationship how she would not use me for residency, and how she is scared of getting hurt again, etc. Excuses, probably, but i can see how she could emotionally be too scarred to want to enter another serious long term relationship. She liked me enough but couldn't be certain of her choice. regaardless she is gone and i sleep better at night knowing i will not see her again.
Alan430 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Having been in a 10 year marriage with a woman like this i can spot the signs far off. But in the future ask her about her previous LTR, the whole passion thing is a flake out and you should stay away from any woman that has broken a previous LTR based on this, at least my opinion. These woman are about how you make them feel at any given time. You can continue to do the same action as what she initially attracted her to you, but eventually they will get stale to her, then she will move on. These woman have a spot in their soul that can only be temporarly filled. Sorry i know it sucks just be on the look out next time you run into one of these types.
boogieboy Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Having been in a 10 year marriage with a woman like this i can spot the signs far off. But in the future ask her about her previous LTR, the whole passion thing is a flake out and you should stay away from any woman that has broken a previous LTR based on this, at least my opinion. These woman are about how you make them feel at any given time. You can continue to do the same action as what she initially attracted her to you, but eventually they will get stale to her, then she will move on. These woman have a spot in their soul that can only be temporarly filled. Sorry i know it sucks just be on the look out next time you run into one of these types. Oh hell I never knew about this......... what are the signs of such a bottomless pit of emotional vacuum? I think I was a victim to this. And how did you handle this for 10 years? (sorry if this is a thread derailment, this is something Ive never heard of before, must explore!)
BCCA Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Oh hell I never knew about this......... what are the signs of such a bottomless pit of emotional vacuum? I think I was a victim to this. And how did you handle this for 10 years? (sorry if this is a thread derailment, this is something Ive never heard of before, must explore!) If I can offer my take on this, when you ask about their ex's, we all tend to let things go because they happened to someone else, but the truth of the matter is they are more a sign of how this woman handles things. If you meet a girl who said the last LTR she was in was for 2 years, and it ended with her dumping him over the phone before jumping into bed with someone else, guess what? If the s**t hits the fan with you, thats EXACTLY what shes going to do. Also, passion = new. Women who leave after the first six months consistently arent about LTR's, theyre about the chase. They dont want to work to make an adult relationship thrive, they want life to be easy, or they bail. And again, if a woman (and you can switch all these out with guy, too) says she loses interest after a few months, thats probably whats going to happen to you. The best way to predict future behavior is by looking at past behavior.
boogieboy Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 If I can offer my take on this, when you ask about their ex's, we all tend to let things go because they happened to someone else, but the truth of the matter is they are more a sign of how this woman handles things. If you meet a girl who said the last LTR she was in was for 2 years, and it ended with her dumping him over the phone before jumping into bed with someone else, guess what? If the s**t hits the fan with you, thats EXACTLY what shes going to do. Also, passion = new. Women who leave after the first six months consistently arent about LTR's, theyre about the chase. They dont want to work to make an adult relationship thrive, they want life to be easy, or they bail. And again, if a woman (and you can switch all these out with guy, too) says she loses interest after a few months, thats probably whats going to happen to you. The best way to predict future behavior is by looking at past behavior. yeah but those are obvious signs. Theres got to be signs to watch from women who dont tell the truth about what happened in their last LTR. My ex told me she hadnt dated in 2 years. Of course that was BS, but I knew I wouldnt get anymore out of her, which of course was one of the few signs I got. Theres a got to be behavior signs of a women who has that spot in their soul that cant be filled.
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