rachel m Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Last week my boyfriend told me he would like me to initiate plans more often. I thought that was fair. We've only been dating three months and I let him make the plans and initiate contact for most of that. So this week I've been trying to initiate contact more often and set up plans. I sent him an email on Monday about an event on Friday. He responded on Wednesday saying he would join me. Today I called him about a concert I would like to see and he has yet to return the phone call. This bugs me. I always return his phone calls within the day he makes them, and usually respond to emails fairly rapidly. Right now, I'm upset about the fact that he didn't return my phone call. Am I overreacting?
boogieboy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Why would he want you to initiate plans and calls? Does he feel like hes always reaching out to you and you dont reach out to him? why is it you arent in the habit of reaching out to him in the first place?
Author rachel m Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 I don't think he feels I'm not reaching out to him. I always returned his calls within a couple of hours. Plus, I did initiate contact every once in awhile. The problem is that in the three months we've been together, I only set up one date. I agreed with him that I could participate more on that front and started doing it this week. We didn't really discuss why he wanted me to set up plans more often. He asked and I agreed that I could make more of an effort. And here I am, making the effort. Meanwhile, he seems to have stepped back, wayyyy back. He used to call almost every night and now he doesn't even return a phone call? It makes me feel like he's losing interest.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Based on your first post, I was going to say that in relationships, it's better to go with the "innocent until proven guilty" line of thought. Meaning, don't go into your next interaction with him all pissed off that you didn't hear from him...until you know the reason why. But that doesn't mean just buy excuses, either. Just be willing to hear his side of the story - something big might have happened? Who knows. But based on your second post...the one where you said that he used to call every night... Do you mean to say that it has become a pattern for him, now, to not call very often? How often do you two talk? I'm just trying to figure this out because my BF and I have been together 5 months and we still talk about twice a day and occasionally by email. But we're semi-LDR. How often do you two get together in person? Has he ALWAYS initiated meetings? It's possible that he's either losing interest, or that he is tired of pursuing without much returned show of interest from you. Need more details before I jump to conclusions.
boogieboy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I don't think he feels I'm not reaching out to him. I always returned his calls within a couple of hours. Plus, I did initiate contact every once in awhile. The problem is that in the three months we've been together, I only set up one date. I agreed with him that I could participate more on that front and started doing it this week. We didn't really discuss why he wanted me to set up plans more often. He asked and I agreed that I could make more of an effort. And here I am, making the effort. Meanwhile, he seems to have stepped back, wayyyy back. He used to call almost every night and now he doesn't even return a phone call? It makes me feel like he's losing interest. Well youre kinda panicking, its just one phone call. I say wait for him to talk about it. If he doesnt bring it up, maybe he didnt want to go. Make another date, and if he doesnt call back again, go back to letting him make the dates. Might wanna pull back a lil too and wait for him to initiate calls again as well. See what he does.
Author rachel m Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 I will give him the benefit of the doubt when I hear from him. But this makes me wonder if perhaps he feels like I'm not enough of a challenge or something. If that's the case, then I guess we aren't meant to be together. We probably see each other 2 to 4 times a week. That's been our pattern since the beginning. We've hung out twice this week so far: on Sunday, yesterday and we are supposed to see each other tomorow. Things are still great when we hang out together. He tells me he likes me, loves spending time with me, etc. Last month he would phone or email pretty much everyday. These past two weeks, I feel like he has cut back on the contact. I feel like he isn't making as much of an effort in general. I know it doesn't have anything to do with him feeling I'm not showing him enough interest. I've shown him interest since the beginning. I tell him I like him, write him funny messages telling him I'm thinking of him, I went all out for his birthday. He knows I'm interested.
Author rachel m Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Well youre kinda panicking, its just one phone call. I say wait for him to talk about it. If he doesnt bring it up, maybe he didnt want to go. Make another date, and if he doesnt call back again, go back to letting him make the dates. Might wanna pull back a lil too and wait for him to initiate calls again as well. See what he does. Good plan! Thanks boogieboy.
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