Cora Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I just can't sleep tonight. Nothing out of the ordinary though since I can't sleep most nights....too many thoughts running through my head. I'm okay during the day because I usually keep myself pretty busy with everything but at night is when I'm left with my thoughts....ughh! This is just one big rant guys so please just excuse me. It helps a little sometimes for me to just write out what I'm feeling. I'm so tired of putting my heart out there only for it to be broken over and over again. I know I probably put it out there again a little too soon this time but this new guy really helped me to get past my ex. When my ex left me I don't think I had ever felt more depressed, empy and alone my entire life. It felt like someone close to me had died and for months I was just going through the motions....numb really. I thought I could never find happiness again because all I could think about was HIM! I really enjoyed the new guys company and enjoyed talking and spending time with him. He completely got my mind off of the ex. But...after awhile it started to look like it was only turning out to be a FWB type thing which was not what I wanted at all! I wanted so much more with him. I had the talk several times with him about how I wanted more and he told me again and again that he wanted more than just a sexual relationship as well and that he wasn't the type of guy by far to just hook up with girls. He would also cancel our dates a lot at the last minute which hurt because I was really into him....moreso than he was into me apparently. I figured after 2 months of dating/talking to this guy things would be a little more.....I don't know really maybe like this was going somewhere? I figured by now he would know enough to determine whether he was into me or would have dropped me by now. Anyway, I was going to have the talk with him again soon and this time be more serious about it. I was basically going to tell him if he didn't see this going anywhere then we are basically wasting each others time. He logged on to messenger tonight and I figured it would be the perfect time to discuss this with him. We hadn't seen each other since Sunday and I haven't talked to him since and I was sure he was going to say hello. He usually does speak when he sees me online but this time he only was on for a couple of minutes and then logged off so it was a no go. Truth is I'm tired of chasing him......well I don't really and haven't chased him for weeks now. I'm surprised he even came online at all tonight since he usually doesn't anymore during the week. He has to get up too early in the morning for work to stay and chat. I guess a quick hello would of just taken up too much of his time. It was as if he came on just for a bit to see if I would say anything since I usually do if he does not initiate which is very rare. Tonight I just didn't feel the need to do so and he logged off. I keep saying the next time I hear from him I'm going to have the talk but I may not even have to now. It just hurts because I can't get him out of my mind and it sucks! My ex also contacted me today......out of the blue again! Yeah, another shocker! It's been weeks since I heard from him since he has gotten a new girlfriend. It's unusual really since he typically only contacts me when he is single and lonely again. Why the hell would he think of me now? He just sent a message saying "Hey there stranger, how has life been treatin ya?" Yeah, I was weak and wrote him back just telling him how great I was doing blah blah blah. I sure as hell wasn't going to tell him I'm so down and depressed when he is having the time of his life with his new girl! Ughh I don't get how he can find someone so quickly and be sooo happy. It just doesn't seem fair....I want to find someone but I can't. Instead I just hear about him being happy and waste my time on jerks who could care less about me. So I'm back at square one again...just empty, lonely, depressed and tired of the pain. In just 6 short days it will be a year since I first met him. Why do I even still keep up with this s***? Truth is I miss how it felt to be with him....I was happy before all the lies and the cheating came in to play or at least before I found out about it. It just sucks! I had to give up my dog the other day as well and I miss her like crazy! Only had her a year but I got really attached to her and now I think about her constantly! I'm still unemployed too which really is disappointing to me. I went on what I thought was a really promising interview last week only to hear nada! I know it's a tough time now but damn I'm sick of feeling so useless! I'm tired of walking around pretending to be happy when I'm not. I know this will all pass eventually but right now I just feel pathetic! The nights are always the worst! Again...this is just a rant. Just had to get my emotions out there. If anyone reads this please excuse the length.....I know it's ridiculously long!
boogieboy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Cora I can only tell you this for your next potential relationship. I had no problem spending alot more time with my ex after 2 weeks when we first started fooling around. From mow on, I would say your suitors should be offering more time after a month at the most, regardless what their schedules are. If not, they arent that into you and you should bail. If you choose to stick with them even when they dont offer more time, then what can i tell ya, you might be setting yourself up for dissapointment again. Break the pattern.
NiceGuy4Ever Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I like your signature, its usually true in some relationships. Look we all go through hard times and it's sometimes hard to get over certain people. You are obviously having a long time. I think the reason your ex found someone so fast was probably because he let go and moved on sooner. You still are in a depressive stage and life doesn't seem to be making it any better. As for the nights find something that really tires you out maybe exercise and then when your dead tired you just go to sleep. Well it's hard to go back into relationships knowing that it will most likely end in heart break but we won't know how far we would've gotten if we did. As for missing that happy feeling well remember times when before you met him and you were truly happy just with yourself and your friends. Try to recreate that once more. Hope this helps
Author Cora Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Cora I can only tell you this for your next potential relationship. I had no problem spending alot more time with my ex after 2 weeks when we first started fooling around. From mow on, I would say your suitors should be offering more time after a month at the most, regardless what their schedules are. If not, they arent that into you and you should bail. If you choose to stick with them even when they dont offer more time, then what can i tell ya, you might be setting yourself up for dissapointment again. Break the pattern. Thanks for reading and responding. I know I know....gotta break the pattern. Why is it always easier said than done?
Author Cora Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 I like your signature, its usually true in some relationships. Look we all go through hard times and it's sometimes hard to get over certain people. You are obviously having a long time. I think the reason your ex found someone so fast was probably because he let go and moved on sooner. You still are in a depressive stage and life doesn't seem to be making it any better. As for the nights find something that really tires you out maybe exercise and then when your dead tired you just go to sleep. Well it's hard to go back into relationships knowing that it will most likely end in heart break but we won't know how far we would've gotten if we did. As for missing that happy feeling well remember times when before you met him and you were truly happy just with yourself and your friends. Try to recreate that once more. Hope this helps Thank you! Yes, it is hard to get back into relationships. I probably wasn't ready for this one anyway...I don't know. I like your signature too by the way!
boogieboy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Its always easier said because you go all in when you start seeing these guys and you want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and you dont want to give up so quickly to start over with someone else. You might have to start going into these dates with your guard up, yknow? That might make you see clearer in the future.
Author Cora Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Its always easier said because you go all in when you start seeing these guys and you want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and you dont want to give up so quickly to start over with someone else. You might have to start going into these dates with your guard up, yknow? That might make you see clearer in the future. So true....that's exactly how I feel! I'm so afraid of starting over and it happening all over again which is why I know just like you said I gotta start going into these things with my guard up. I just can't help but think if only I hadn't of screwed it up maybe something could of came of it? Maybe now he would still be interested. I know it's silly to think about but in the beginning he seemed so interested in me. He couldn't get enough of talking to me eveyday etc.. It wasn't until I slept with him he started to slack off. I know I can't keep thinking the what ifs? But damn I got too attached which was mistake number one and now I can't help but think I really messed this up!
rachel m Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Too many heartached in one life time can't be good for us! I've been in your shoes before and feel like I will be there soon again. This guy I've been seeing for three months is starting to act distant. The minute I start letting my guard down it seems. So frustrating. It shouldn't be this complicated. You haven't had the talk yet with this guy, right? If I were you, I wouldn't have that kind of talk by msn. Those things are better discussed in person, don't you think?
boogieboy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 So true....that's exactly how I feel! I'm so afraid of starting over and it happening all over again which is why I know just like you said I gotta start going into these things with my guard up. I just can't help but think if only I hadn't of screwed it up maybe something could of came of it? Maybe now he would still be interested. I know it's silly to think about but in the beginning he seemed so interested in me. He couldn't get enough of talking to me eveyday etc.. It wasn't until I slept with him he started to slack off. I know I can't keep thinking the what ifs? But damn I got too attached which was mistake number one and now I can't help but think I really messed this up! Eh, you know how brutally honest I am. I dont think you messed up anything, in fact if you were just being you, you had nothing to do with it. It just didnt work for him in his mind after you slept with him. Guys can really like you, and then change their mind after sex because of how you sound, how you screw, or what you say. Theres a number of things. He could have also played the role to get you in bed and then turned it off after sex. So its not your fault, you might have just gotten played. So like I said, should be spending more time with you after a month, if not, jump ship. or at least he should be getting moe attached to you after sex or after a month, whichever comes first.
Author Cora Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Too many heartached in one life time can't be good for us! I've been in your shoes before and feel like I will be there soon again. This guy I've been seeing for three months is starting to act distant. The minute I start letting my guard down it seems. So frustrating. It shouldn't be this complicated. You haven't had the talk yet with this guy, right? If I were you, I wouldn't have that kind of talk by msn. Those things are better discussed in person, don't you think? Thank you for your response! It always seems once you start letting your guard down things start to go wrong and yes, it's so very frustrating! I'm never letting my guard down again until there is some kind of committment made! No, I haven't had the talk yet and I really would rather have it in person. The problem is when I will see him next is such a crapshoot! He is good about planning dates and then canceling at the last minute. I'm like if he doesn't want to see me why even schedule a date? By the way I hope things start to look up with your guy!
boogieboy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Cora cancelling most of the dates is the biggest red flag he can give you. You know what you gotta do.
rachel m Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Thank you for your response! It always seems once you start letting your guard down things start to go wrong and yes, it's so very frustrating! I'm never letting my guard down again until there is some kind of committment made! No, I haven't had the talk yet and I really would rather have it in person. The problem is when I will see him next is such a crapshoot! He is good about planning dates and then canceling at the last minute. I'm like if he doesn't want to see me why even schedule a date? By the way I hope things start to look up with your guy! Guy makes date and then cancels it? He's bad news. You shouldn't have to put up with someone who cancels more then one date. Ever. I say dump this guy by any means necessary. That includes msn.
Author Cora Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Eh, you know how brutally honest I am. I dont think you messed up anything, in fact if you were just being you, you had nothing to do with it. It just didnt work for him in his mind after you slept with him. Guys can really like you, and then change their mind after sex because of how you sound, how you screw, or what you say. Theres a number of things. He could have also played the role to get you in bed and then turned it off after sex. So its not your fault, you might have just gotten played. So like I said, should be spending more time with you after a month, if not, jump ship. or at least he should be getting moe attached to you after sex or after a month, whichever comes first. Well, sometimes we need to hear the honesty! You are right, I could have just got played. I have thought that myself many times. I just don't get why he would still plan dates with me and talk to me at all? Maybe he is only out for more sex? Possibly he is seeing other girls(even though he told me he wasn't I know guys can lie just like girls can) and he just wants to keep me around for a back up in case the others don't work out? Keeping me around until he finds someone better perhaps? He is just the most confusing guy I have ever met! Damn! why am I so hung up on him when it's obvious he is not into me? I just need to let him go. Ughh I'm trying!
Author Cora Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Yeah I know cancelling the dates is bad! I just don't get why he would even bother setting dates up if he knew all along he wasn't planning on keeping those plans? I mean he would talk to me a couple of days in advance about these dates and he sounded pretty excited. The last time really pissed me off which was one of the main reasons why I wanted to have the talk with him. I wanted to let him know it wasn't okay for him to treat me this way......but like he would even care right? Last week he wanted me to meet him at the theater so we could see a movie together. He told me the day of that the date was still on so I get in my car and get almost halfway there when he sends me a text saying "Actually, nevermind....I'll just talk to you later on yahoo." WTF???
boogieboy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Yeah I think he keeps you around for when the other girls dont work out. Like he makes a date with you, and when someone he thinks is better will hang with him that night, he cancels with you. He needs to talk to you to keep you on the hook. But he can only keep you on the hook if you let him. I dont think theres any way he will be any more into you, so cut him loose, unless you need any scraps he will throw at you.
rachel m Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 The one guy who bailed on dates at the last minute with me was actually seeing other girls. My ex used to bail on dates because he smoked a lot of weed. It doesn't really matter why your guy is cancelling dates though. What matters most is that you know you aren't going to put up with it.
Author Cora Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Well I know he likes to drink a LOT! The first time he ever cancelled on me he sent me a text saying he had been at the bar all day and was still there. He said he was not in really good shape and would not be able to make it for our date. This was a date he had planned a week in advance but I guess drinking was just more important to him. The second time he cancelled because he did not feel well....was too hungover from the night before. Anyway, like you said....regardless the reason I'm just not a priority to him.
boogieboy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Too hungover or not feeling well when you know you had a date with a hot chick the next day? horse crap. Like I said, keep your guard up so you can see though the lies before you get attached.
t0ri Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Yeah, if they start blowing you off or canceling planned dates, they don't care that much about you, I'm sorry to say My ex used to not find me worth making time for, and that is NEVER a good situation. If they want to spend time with you, they'll make time for you no matter what. I know how you feel though! I've been kinda seeing a guy for the past month or 2, and I think he just wants FWB. I haven't had sex or done anything besides kiss with him though, but he's making it pretty clear he's focusing in on getting laid. I had kind of hoped he was genuinely interested in me as more than sex, but I don't think that's the case. Anyway, I know how you feel to be hoping for more than what you're going to get Cora, he is still planning dates with you because you're letting him! He knows he can bail if he wants, or decide to go, but either way you'll be there! Don't put up with it anymore hun or you'll just be asking for further disappointment. I've been guilty of bailing on plans because I'd decided I'd found something I'd rather do instead, to be honest. I bet you want to give him the benefit of the doubt and see the good in him because I'm doing the same thing with my new guy, but it is what it is. Unless you want to let him keep this crap up, say goodbye.
Author Cora Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Too hungover or not feeling well when you know you had a date with a hot chick the next day? horse crap. Like I said, keep your guard up so you can see though the lies before you get attached. Yeah, I'm sure he had an even hotter chick in his eyes lined up instead! It's tough but I know he does not deserve me. He will never know what he missed out on. Oh well I'd rather show someone who actually appreciates me. Time to move on and keep my guard up. Thanks!
Author Cora Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Yeah, if they start blowing you off or canceling planned dates, they don't care that much about you, I'm sorry to say My ex used to not find me worth making time for, and that is NEVER a good situation. If they want to spend time with you, they'll make time for you no matter what. I know how you feel though! I've been kinda seeing a guy for the past month or 2, and I think he just wants FWB. I haven't had sex or done anything besides kiss with him though, but he's making it pretty clear he's focusing in on getting laid. I had kind of hoped he was genuinely interested in me as more than sex, but I don't think that's the case. Anyway, I know how you feel to be hoping for more than what you're going to get Cora, he is still planning dates with you because you're letting him! He knows he can bail if he wants, or decide to go, but either way you'll be there! Don't put up with it anymore hun or you'll just be asking for further disappointment. I've been guilty of bailing on plans because I'd decided I'd found something I'd rather do instead, to be honest. I bet you want to give him the benefit of the doubt and see the good in him because I'm doing the same thing with my new guy, but it is what it is. Unless you want to let him keep this crap up, say goodbye. It's hard to accept but I know it's true. I'm only being used by him. He was so genuine when we first met but I guess that was only to get into my pants. Wow he was slick and a good liar too! He would use work a lot as an excuse as well. I know a lot of the time work was a valid excuse but jeeze if you are really into someone you make time right? So yeah he just wasn't that into me. I hate this feeling! I keep attracting the same kind of guys over and over again! Damn! I honestly don't know how it feels for a guy to actually WANT to spend time with you. They all either seem to blow me off, cancel, lie to me, cheat, or become distant. Truth is none of them were really that into me to begin with. They just string me along until the next hot thing comes along. I guess I allow it because I'm not used to anything else and I think maybe they will change. I know it's a bunch of hogwash because I look at my friends and they don't seem to have a problem with their guys. Anyway, thank you so much for your advice! It's just so hard sometimes!
Montclair0011 Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Cora, We have so much in common, although I'm guessing you are younger than me. Hang in there and keep trying. Hang the yo-yo guy out to dry. You deserve better. Just forget about him and if he contacts you than say you are done, etc. . I am also unemployed and was dumped by the guy who helped me get over my husband (who left me for another woman after 20 years). Recently I've been depressed beyond belief and expressed some of my desperation on LS. This week I'm feeling a bit better. I've started to see someone whom I had seen a few times before and was not in to but have come to realize is probably a good match. I think I was so terrified to get involved again I was pushing him away. I'm not sure, but even it this does not work out it is distracting me from my other pain. It helps to have at least ONE area of my life looking up for a change. Like me you have no love and no job and maybe even no life (hopefully you do have friends). This is toooooooooo much for one person to handle. You need to be strong and keep putting one foot in front of the other to get to a better place. The best thing for you right now would be getting a new job so focus on that the most. But be receptive to the other things in life also. Do you do on-line dating? I've found that to be the best way to meet guys, although I get so much rejection there it sometimes seems more painful than it is worth. Whatever--in short I'm urging you to keep going, dump that downer guy, and hope that at least one area of your life will improve soon. That will not get you out of the woods but will give you a more manageable list of things to cope with. Good Luck!
Ilovehim Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 UGH. I know the feeling. Been there and bought the t-shirt
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