nature Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 You may remember my story...here is my old thread from back in Feb or sometime then http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t177753/ My ex and I had been engaged. He went haywire last spring, broke up with me, started running around like he was 19 yrs old with his buddies who were all coming out of broken marriages....devestated me....took off to Mexico at Xmas for 3 months....his friends all flew down to meet him....hurt me so bad....he was sending me emails from there...I ignored them. Ran into him a month ago. He came up to me, hugged me, started saying "why am I such an idiot...you look beautiful...I've missed you so bad...Mexico wasn't great...blah blah...asking me a million questions". I was out with girlfriends, was polite and friendly, but left his side and went back to my girlfriends to continue having fun...he sat and stared at me the whole night. Then he emailed me a week later, just a friendly email. Asking me a zillion questions. Then he phoned me drunk out of his mind a week later telling me he thinks about me every second of every day....apologizing profusely for how he treated me....went on and on about how much he misses me and loves me...I was nice and kind of laughed, but didn't "give him anything" to go by. He was drunk. I was sober. Two nights ago he showed up at my house at 10PM. Said he wanted to just stop by for 5 min and say hi. It kind of scared me because i wasn't expecting it. I was in the backyard because it's hot out, and suddenly he's looknig over the fence saying hi. He sat at my house for two hours. Talked and talked about "nothing", asked me a million questions, he looked happy and upbeat....told me he was living in a new condo and had signed a one year lease....etc. Finally after 2 hours I had to ask him to leave becaseu it was midnight. I just don't get it all???? I'm so messed up right now. I still love him, but I'm a strong girl and am not going to take any BS. I'm pissed at him. I've just acted friendly and given him the old, "it's so great we can be friends now" line...as in, I'm not giving in to him. Argh. Help
CaliGuy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Well doesn't sound like he has changed. He just doesn't have anyone else in his life so he's falling back to "old faithful.: Remember, if you accept him back easily, he will leave again just as easily. I would honestly make him work. He's not saying "I'm sorry, I really screwed up, you are the best thing to ever happen to me, etc..." He's just testing the waters. Be strong. If you don't want to be hurt again, procede with caution. He's 19, young, dumb and well, full of c*m if you know what I mean. Don't get used. Be the prize, don't make HIM the prize.
boogieboy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I've just acted friendly and given him the old, "it's so great we can be friends now" line...as in, I'm not giving in to him. Argh. Help You cant lead him on with the "we can be friends now" line. He will keep trying. Unless you want this attention from him, which I hope you dont, If you dont want to give in to him, you have to tell him "We cant talk anymore. Im moving on, and I never want to see you again."
Author nature Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 He's 40, not 19! lol When he phoned me drunk, he went on and on about how sorry he was, knew that he'd been a dickweed (what he called himself) and said over and over how sorry he was. That he thought about me every second of every day, etc. It's so weird. Here I had been the one who had been so hurt by him, and then I didn't want to be hurtful back, so said we're friends. How f*cked up is that?! The saddest part is I still love him. When he came over here, we shared some laughs. There is this weird bond between us, or chemistry. He kept talking about it. Oh f*ck. I hate this. Thanks for the advice.
boogieboy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 He's 40, not 19! lol When he phoned me drunk, he went on and on about how sorry he was, knew that he'd been a dickweed (what he called himself) and said over and over how sorry he was. That he thought about me every second of every day, etc. It's so weird. Here I had been the one who had been so hurt by him, and then I didn't want to be hurtful back, so said we're friends. How f*cked up is that?! The saddest part is I still love him. When he came over here, we shared some laughs. There is this weird bond between us, or chemistry. He kept talking about it. Oh f*ck. I hate this. Thanks for the advice. Hes a guy, you can be hurtful, he can take it. Unless you want the attention. The only way you should be talking to him is if you plan on getting back with him. If not, cut him off.
Author nature Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Thanks BoogieBoy. I sincerely do appreciate your words. The hardest thing for me is....I never wanted to break up. He did the dumping. I was devestated. I had said yes to marrying him. To spending my life with him. That was the biggest thing I have ever done. I meant it in every way. Through good times and bad. But he chose partying and running around with an old group of friends who were all coming out of marriages. In the process of getting divorced. So they were all suddenly coming out of the wood work. perhaps that 40-something mid life crisis thing that happens. Many marriages, I've heard, break up around the 40 year mark. On the other hand, my ex had never been married. And was engaged to me for 2 years. But he seriously went haywire with these guys. Ended things with me, and hurt me so bad. I still think of the pain. But yet, I still love him. I went NC with him. To heal. I never in a million yrs thought I'd hear from him again. Especially after I ignored his emails from Mexico at Xmas, etc. I had to shut him out. I was so hurt. So yes, in my dreams, I would love nothing more than to be iwth him again. He is the love of my life. But I didn't choose to break up. He did. So I just don't know what to do. I am trying to protect myself, because as Caliguy said, how do I know he isn't just trying to use me? How do I know he means his words? I don't know. I'm scared. I love him so much it hurts. I am scared is all. I don't know what to think. I do believe he still loves me. But then people say that people don't change. So that scares me. What if he misses me, but then we get back together, and he freaks and runs again. I know there are no guarantees in life. I understand that. Is Caliguy right? What would you do BoogieMan? You're a guy. I'm a girl. I don't know exactly how guys think. i mean I do in a way. I'm not a dumb girl. But your insight is really helpful. Thank you.
boogieboy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Put it this way. I used to know a guy names Moe, who whenever he felt like he wants to get with another woman, he dumped his long time girl on the spot. He felt no remorse for this. "Yeah I wanna bang this girl Candy, so I dumped Diane again, Ill get back with her when Im done". Thats how he said it. Youd think he didnt think much of Diane since he can do this right? its true, he thought nothing of her. But she was devastated every time, and every time, since she couldnt think of anyone else, she took him back. Is this how you want to continue this relationship? Because if you do, this is how it will go. I think, you need to cut him out of your life until you are over him, and then when you can think straight, see if you want to try him again. I think once you get over him, you will be too resentful of a guy who will dump you because his friends are all out looking for new girls to get laid and he needs to join them.
Author nature Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 That's exactly what I've been thinking BoogieBoy. Exactly. I have alot of pride. I will not be treated poorly. Perhaps I'm just hurting now because I know we cannot get back together. Even if he says he wants to and apologizes. I know in my heart the damage has been done. I think that's it. You helped me so much. Thank you Boogie Boy. Somethings been eating at me all day. I just haven't been able to figure it out. But in some weird way, him coming back into my life and phoning me, showing up at my house, etc has made me relive the breakup again. Only this time I'm not that vulnerable. Thanks alot!
cabarc1 Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Yeah i agree with Caliguy.....he isn't really giving you anything, like those words you need to hear. He doesn't sound very serious, like he is testing you. Until he comes groveling, don't give in!!
hopefulInFuture Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 nature, your post is very sad. I also went NC with a person, but with a person that I know I don't want in my life because he's a liar and a cheater. The issue with you is that you can't convince yourself that you don't want him in your life. Well, have you looked at all the things you don't like about him? Honestly, I can't believe that such an immature person who behaves like this when he's 40 never ever did things that made you doubt whether you want to be with someone like this. Look at it this way. It's better that he checkout out of his relationship and responsibilities now. It would have been much worse if you were married or even had kids! He seems to have lots of personal problems and is not mature and responsible at all. Don't let him take up even a second of your time. He does not deserve it. Be strong and don't give in. You don't need someone who's running away from you. You need someone who moves mountains to be with you.
Author nature Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Thanks Cabarc and Hopeful. I agree with you both. It's just hard when suddenly he starts phoning, saying how much he misses me, apologizing, saying he is an idiot, stopping by my house unannounced. So hard on me. I'm over the anger I felt the first 6 months after our breakup. And for the most part, I've been doing really well. Which he knows and has heard. Perhaps why he's been coming around. Who knows. But I agree. He's not really saying anything. Just snooping around. Gawd, love is hard. So hard. Why did he have to mess it up, then try to keep in touch, and then come snooping around. Why. Why not just love someone and appreciate them when you have them. Why.
Recommended Posts