muse08 Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Plain and simple guys...If you knew, without a shadow of a doubt that your relative(in this case female) was the victim of infidelity, would you tell him/her? Plus you know things that the wife may not know because you work with the husband (cheater)...would you tell the wife? If so, how? If not, why?
bentnotbroken Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Plain and simple guys...If you knew, without a shadow of a doubt that your relative(in this case female) was the victim of infidelity, would you tell him/her? Plus you know things that the wife may not know because you work with the husband (cheater)...would you tell the wife? If so, how? If not, why? Yes, because it is the right thing to do.
optimisticpessimist Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Only under specific circumstances. For one, you need be 100% sure and have proof. Otherwise she may not believe you and you end up pissing her off. Also, she needs real proof...not just your suspicions...before she confronts the cheater. Secondly, if you tell on the cheater, you better be ready for the fallout...for example, when she tells the cheater that YOU were the one that told her...and he comes looking for you. It's definitely a bad situation to be in...you just need to weigh the pros and cons and think about all the ramifications.
Author muse08 Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 I think both are good responses. However, as optimisticpessimist stated, "you just need to weigh the pros and cons and think about all the ramifications."
seibert253 Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Plain and simple guys...If you knew, without a shadow of a doubt that your relative(in this case female) was the victim of infidelity, would you tell him/her? Plus you know things that the wife may not know because you work with the husband (cheater)...would you tell the wife? If so, how? If not, why? As said before, it's the right thing to do.
jnj express Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Yes she has a right to know how to deal with and conduct the rest of her life.
mmk1 Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 No. Its not anyones place to do so, except perhaps for family. Full disclosure, I had a 3 year A.
stuckinoz Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 As said before, it's the right thing to do. Why is it the right thing to do? Is it right to disrupt someone elses life when it's none of your business. Is it right to butt into someone elses marriage that has nothing to do with you? I have thought about this actually for the last few days - because there are a lot of threads here right now about this subject. I know the majority of my friends - IF they knew - they wouldn't tell. Also, If I knew about someone else - I wouldn't tell. It's none of my business what goes on behind someone elses marital walls. Why do people outside of a marriage feel SO entitled??!! Why are people SO nosey that they have to be in others biz?
hopefulInFuture Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 If I were a wife who's being cheated on, I would like to know. firstly, it gives her the possibility to decide what to do. Maybe, she's also unhappy and is sacrificing herself trying to work on her marriage? Maybe this is her way to liberate herself from this sense of responsibility? On the other hand, what if she's happy and thinks that everything is going very well in her life. Yet, her husband is having an affair on the side and maybe he's even losing his mind. Wouldn't you want to know, if you were his wife, and if you had a chance to correct the situation before it might be too late? I would want to know
Dexter Morgan Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Plain and simple guys...If you knew, without a shadow of a doubt that your relative(in this case female) was the victim of infidelity, would you tell him/her? Plus you know things that the wife may not know because you work with the husband (cheater)...would you tell the wife? If so, how? If not, why? without blinking twice I'd tell her. If I work with the husband, then I'd tell her I need to be kept out of it. I wouldn't really care if a cheater knew I ratted them out, but I don't need to dislike going into work because of it. so while I'd tell, I'd ask that she keep me out of it in the case that I work with him. but then again, I'd find another way to let her know...maybe an anonymous letter...I don't know. but the decision to make her informed of whats happening, without a doubt I'd find a way to give her the information she deserves to have.
Dexter Morgan Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Why is it the right thing to do? because the alternative is to let someone's spouse f#ck them over again....and again....and again....and again. Is it right to disrupt someone the messenger isn't the disrupter....the cheater is. don't kill the messenger.
silktricks Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 yes. absolutely. (former BS) Why? because the betrayed person has a right to know. Knowledge is power. Although the news can destroy in the short run, in the long run it will give the BS back the ability to make their own decisions and run their own life. How? very carefully and lovingly and in person. This is going to be a VERY painful topic. They may already know at some level, and hearing it from an outsider will also be humiliating. But you won't be thanked for it, and you may well create a huge maelstrom, so be ready to duck and run for cover.
seibert253 Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Been there, done that. Found out the husband of one of my friend's was cheating. Told my wife, who is also friends with the girl, and both of us went and told her together. My friend had a right to know what was going on.
Spark1111 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Wouldn't you want to know? "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," is the primary tenet of many religious creeds. Why? Because it is fair. Whether you do it anonymously, in person, do it! If you saw a child being abused, would you report it? A car crash into a tree? You can't control the outcome. She may leave, stay, or ignore the information all together. But I believe the right thing to do is to inform.
jj2007 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Plain and simple guys...If you knew, without a shadow of a doubt that your relative(in this case female) was the victim of infidelity, would you tell him/her? Plus you know things that the wife may not know because you work with the husband (cheater)...would you tell the wife? If so, how? If not, why? Yes, I would tell her. Why? Because I would want to know. I am a BS & I can tell you how much it hurts to realize that everyone around you knows what is going on and you have no clue. Makes you feel like an idiot and adds more pain on top of the pain of knowing that you were cheated on. How? Get her somewhere where the two of you are alone and just tell her the truth. Tell her that you didn't want her left in the dark and now that she has the information she can do with it what she sees fit. Good luck.
mental_traveller Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Plain and simple guys...If you knew, without a shadow of a doubt that your relative(in this case female) was the victim of infidelity, would you tell him/her? Plus you know things that the wife may not know because you work with the husband (cheater)...would you tell the wife? If so, how? If not, why? Yes of course I'd tell my relative, unless I hated their guts. I'd call them up and say "By the way, you do know your husband is porking X in his spare time, right? Better get an STD check lined up."
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