EmptyPromises Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 so ive been having the worst month and a half. my exboyfriend i broke up in may and ive justbeen absolutely miserable. i love him but we do have issues. jealousy, disrespect. so for the past 70 or so days ive been trying to do no contact. i go 3 or 4 days without talking him and crack..or he does. i feel like i love him so much. and we just wind up talking and it feels better just to talk to him but he doesnt know if he wants a relationship again. he tells me he does and he wants to see how things go. ive waited around for a month and a half for him.. im not waiting anymore. im in between the sides of moving on and going back to him. i went away to see my friends for the weekend...didnt do much went to parties but didnt meet a new guy or anything. i just felt relaxed away from him, but still missing him. i told him we should be friends settling for the fact that even tho i want to be with him he deosnt want the same. i started a new job and my minds been off him for a few days...still texting back and forth every few hours. yesterday he calls me at work and asks me to go to the movies as friends- i still wanting to get back together go but pretend i dont want it anymore when we talk about it...i sent a few texts to him today at work.. he sent every other one back and i kinda got that rejection feeling back from him again- that he didnt want to be with me. so now this is just a weird thought... but i was thinking just now in my head if i had another guy, that treated me right i think id be with him instead of my ex...and that i could see myself staying friends with my ex...ok now heres my question...does this mean that i dont love my ex anymore? that i really doo just wanna be friends? maybe the only thing im actually in love with is the whole idea of a healthy relationship and now im freaking out cuz maybe i really dont love HIM.. ugh idk im just ranting but please opinions..ideas?
boogieboy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Cant tell you whether or you you love him, but since you still want to be with him you cant be friends. it will just prolong your suffering. Stop answering his calls, and tell him to stop texting you. Believe me, this is 4 months of doing what you did speaking. Staying in touch just prolongs you misery. Cut him off clean, until he says hes ready to try again. Otherwise you will just stay confused.
Author EmptyPromises Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 you are SO right. i knoww deep down that thats what i have to do but i cant bring myself to do it.. i keep thinking i can convince him otherwise without doing no contact...its just so hard to do
Author EmptyPromises Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 then in my head im thinking i wanna cut off contact just to make him realize he wants to be with me: what if during this time that im not talking to him hes not thinking the same and he moves on and finds someone else? hes moved on and im not. again just another rant
boogieboy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 then in my head im thinking i wanna cut off contact just to make him realize he wants to be with me: what if during this time that im not talking to him hes not thinking the same and he moves on and finds someone else? hes moved on and im not. again just another rant He probably has moved on. Thats the harsh reality of it. The sooner you cut him off, the faster he'll see your serious, and he will have to think about if he can deal with missing you. But you have to do it fast. You can make an agreement with him. No contact for a month - he has no choice. That way he wont think you dont cre. He will agree, and if he REALLY wants to be with you, he will come after you whatever way he can. If he doesnt, you lost him anyways. BTW the NC is really for you to heal, not to make him get back with you. On a rare occasion, a reconciliation happens. But dont count on it. If you cant do NC with him now, dont worry, your misery will make you do it eventually. It will take a few months, but you'll get over it.
Author EmptyPromises Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 again your right. but what if i dont want to heal and move on? i want to be with him ...
boogieboy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 again your right. but what if i dont want to heal and move on? i want to be with him ... Well you CANT be with him, he moved on. So what good reason would you want to hang on to nothing? I mean you dont have to move on yourself. You dont know this now, but ast some point youre gonna realize theres no point to hanging on, you''ll just be torturing yourself.
Author EmptyPromises Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 but hes telling me he doesnt want to move on either, he wants to work it out and see how it goes...how do i no if he means it? because hes not showing nething besides asking me to the movies last night when i suggested we be friends...so he said to go as friends yet was kissing me the whole night saying he would work things out... but today hes just being weird again
boogieboy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 but hes telling me he doesnt want to move on either, he wants to work it out and see how it goes...how do i no if he means it? because hes not showing nething besides asking me to the movies last night when i suggested we be friends...so he said to go as friends yet was kissing me the whole night saying he would work things out... but today hes just being weird again Its bull sh*t, He knows if he tells you everything you want to hear, he will be able to keep fooling around with you and keep you hanging on a string. Im telling you now, he doesnt mean it. WHile hes sleeping with other women, he gets what he wants from you then he moves on to the next girl. That is where you stand. You are a booty call now. You realize this isnt a friendship if you let him fool around with you? You gonna let him toy with your emotions like this?
shoesies05 Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 boogieboy is dead on. gotta do NC... trust me, it'll be your savior. dont worry about whether or not you love him. its over, so what matters is if you love yourself enough to say "hey, i deserve someone that WANTS to be with me and actually makes an true effort at it... that respects me, and isnt "confused" about how he feels for me." it'll hurt, not going to lie. but only for a short amount of time if you consider the entire length of your life versus a few months.
Author EmptyPromises Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 yea i no.. just hard to accept i feel like its not over for good yet...but im gonna tell him today i dont want to talk to him unless hes ready to get back into a committed relationship and really put in the effort. hes moving on and i need to too.
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