br0kinhart Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Ok... I have been posting here for a month or so due to a breakup with my gf after 2 1/2 yrs. There were many things we needed to "work-on" in that relationship, but nothing we couldnt handle. Then things got really screwy... I began to resent the woman in such a bad way... I was under the immature impression that "she'll never leave me"... I was wrong in everyway possible. A little backstory, she is the only woman I have ever truely fell in complete and utter love with and really didnt know how to handle a relationship. Im 24yrs old very inexperienced with relationships and she was 28 and been in multiple long term relationships, but I'm happy I at least had the chance to share a life with a wonderful woman. After breaking up I realized what an a** I was being towards her and I never truely meant it. It was things in my life stressing me out beyond belief and since she was my best friend and my love I vented and directed alot of anger on her without remorse... A MISTAKE I WILL NEVER MAKE AGAIN.... Now that we have been broken up for a month... Coinsidentally my life also calmed down... Finally settled into a new apartment (wasnt sure if I could afford it), got used to a new job new responsibilities far greater then anything I was used to, new work schedule much later in the day, a total change of life. I was stuck in a very depressive mode constantly and took everything out on her. Now I have explained this to her in extreme detail and she is completely understanding, but she says that it took her so long to be able to walk away that this is what she needs right now... I would like to emphasize RIGHT NOW because she does and I dont know how to take it. I speak with her from time to time and we talk without any resentment towards eachother. We agree that we both respect eachother completely and are still in love. Constantly repeating that we will bump into eachother in the future. I told her to take care of herself and that I will always be there for her and I love her and she told me she loved me back and that is how we ended our last conversation. Now I dont want to lie to myself and say that I dont love her to cope with the breakup and I dont want to develop anymore false hope. She always like, "We are going to bump into eachother its inevitable..." What I had with her was something really amazing. We were very very close we would practically finish eachothers sentences. I was more comfortable with her about in every fashion than anyone else including all of my family members. I love her dearly and feel that if this is true love it will never die, if it never dies, i will never heal, or it will cause us to re-unite in the future.... My main point being... I feel that its possible that we werent ready for eachother at this time of our lives but there is something that will never die between us and I dont think that comes around often in life if ever....
LisaUk Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I know how you feel. I am completeley in love with my ex and i can't ever see it fading, evryone tells me it will and it will get better, I just can't see it now. i don't know how I will ever get past this, we were together 18 years (since 15 years old), he's the moly person I have ever had sex with and vice versa, it kills me to know he wants this. That he wants to NEVER see me or speak to me again even though I did nothing wrong, his reason for dumping me "we have never been compatible". I know you are cliinging to hope from her words, I did the same he said "I shouldn't say this to you but I may change my mind in a few months if I miss you enough" "I loved you right till the end, I still do" and "I'm not as certain in my decision as I was 6 weeks ago". 3 months on and he doesn't recall saying any of it "well, I said lots of things didn't I". What I am saying I am saying to try and save you more pain, her words don't necessarily mean what you think, she may just be trying to be nice without thinking of how they are going to impact on you.
Author br0kinhart Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 I understand and I appreciate you talking with me it helps soooo much... I was never a big supporter of relationships and I always carried around a negative viewpoint of marriage mainly because I seen so many fail... including my own parents after 18yrs(coincidence). But when we were together after 4 months I could look into her eyes and feel so happy that I have found that person I could trust and be with forever... But I guess I needed to learn how to control that feeling, I didnt and it caused me to resent her. Its sad to say the worst thing she has ever done to me was leave me. Other then that she has shown me love I have never knew existed. My heart is broken and I wish I could start over with her with what I know now. I hate the fact it took this breakup for me to realize this and I pray one day she will be in my arms again... there is no way I could avoid that feeling... its will be with me forever. I am glad however that I no longer have that "scared to be alone" empty stomach feeling all the time anymore.... that took 1 month to get rid of! Thanks again for listening to my semi-rambling. I really appreciate it and you are helping me out more then you can probably imagine.
Exit Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I am in the exact same boat. I took way too much stuff out on my ex. And I realize that it's wrong the way I treat the people I love. I'd be more polite to a stranger on the street than I am to family and friends sometimes. I have told her all of this and that I realized 99% of it was my fault. I also asked her if we could leave it on good terms for now and see what happens in the future. All I can do is hope.
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