sugarmomma Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I know how easy it is to forget the pain and misery of an unhealthy r when you think you "love" the person. I came to this site in a lot of pain. I read your story and it was one that jolted me into the reality of what I was doing to myself. It allowed me to see the end at the beginning. I hope and pray for you to have the strength to stop communicating with him. I know it all sounds good. Seems like he's trying with his crumbs of affection (i.e. email, flowers, call, promises) but it is all for his ego. His actions probably have nothing to do with you personally. He needs an ego boost and unfortunately he got it. I read that you said you "love" him. I would like to suggests that you go back and read your story and play the entire tape out. He was very cruel and abusive to you. When we love ourselves, we don't allow people to abuse or mistreat us. Work on self love because it really is impossible to love another without it. What do you really believe you deserve in a R? No judgment and I wish you the best.
Author wildsoul Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 What do you really believe you deserve in a R? I believe I deserve better, which is why I ended it. But it's still confusing when so many of the things I had with him WERE so good and fulfilling. I got to experience a lot of things with him that were exactly what I want from relationship. It's not like an intangible longing for things I've never had. I long for the good parts of what I DID have. I think that's why the pull is still there. I get your point though. Obviously something's funked up in my psyche or I wouldn't be here. Right now I'm going through a bunch of stuff that has my self-esteem in the toilet. Having a bad day. I can't reconcile how come people tell me how "great" I am all the time, with the fact that my life has fallen apart. It's been a bad, bad day.
sugarmomma Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 People can tell us we "great" or we "look great" but if we don't feel that way ourselves we think their lying. Don't beat up on yourself. Sometimes I know we have to have certain experiences to understand more about our pathology. I come from r with a history of abuse and I continue to try to be aware of when a man is "triggering" my issues. I could never shame you and I hope that you aren't doing it to yourself because it really makes things worse. Keep your head up and remember you only have to be strong one day at a time. Stay in the present. Anybody can fight the battle of just one day. Sometimes it helps to think about the things you don't miss about him like the anger, abuse and neglect of your cat, etc. Feel free to add anything that I am not aware of.
xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Well Im certainly not going to give you the third degree LOL! Had it been me in your shoes I would have definately agreed to meet and would probably have ended up in bed with him. You were doing so well and I think you are strong enough to keep up with the NC. Is there any way you can block him from contacting you? Is it feasable to cancel your email address and create a new one? Sorry to hear business is going badly for you right now as well, hopefully it will pick up soon. Hope your cat is doing fine btw. {{{hugs}}}
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