Mary3 Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 i think we are already at the "kobiashi maru" no-win scenario stage here...your suggestion will backfire as the OP's gf already has her sites set on "joe". there is really only one soloution. The OP should tell his gf that if she doesn't put the kaibosh on "joe" then he is history. if she stops seeing joe then all is good and well, if she continues seeing joe then he should leave her. in retrospect however it seems as if she's already made her decision. You know...this Ultimatum will be the deathblow to their R,....but if you see black clouds , flashes of lightening and thunder rumbling in the distance...you know a storm is coming...
Jester268 Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 You know...this Ultimatum will be the deathblow to their R,....but if you see black clouds , flashes of lightening and thunder rumbling in the distance...you know a storm is coming... Exactly the storm is coming no matter what. The ultimatum just brings the storm in and out faster and prevents emotional flooding....
Chiron Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 OK, here's my 2 cents. First I don't think you're over or under reacting. JUst because a girl has a guy friend doesn't mean anything. Guys who are threatened by that are insecure. If you try to make her jealous by seeing an ex a lot then you are being immature as it's all game playing. I agree that there seems to be unresolved feelings for that old relationship. THis doesn't mean that she's cheating on you but it seems like she's not fully available to be in a relationship with you or anyone else. I'd have a sit down with her and tell her that it seems like she has unresolved feeling s for him and that if you are important to her she needs to start showing it. I have several girls who are friends in my life but I see them maybe once a month, or about on the same rotation I see my male friends. My GF knows she's more important than any of my friends to a point, in that I would never stop seeing any of my friends for a relationship. The thing that stands out is it seems she's as interested or maybe more interested in spending time with him over you. That is a yellow flag as opposed to red. I think telling her what you feel comfortable with is good boundary setting on your par tand if she balks, walk. Don't settle for less than being #1. I have wasted too much time in the past on women that liked me but were not in love with me. If you are really into your BF/GF friendships of either sex take a back seat to your SO in general. I wish you the best. -Chiron
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