ryanrabl Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 well i kinda feel bad doing this but i need help and input: My ex and I met while we were in our senior year of high school in Santa Barbara.We were both in a "Special" high school where we took AP/IB/Dual enrollment credits.Thus,i went into college with ALOT of credits.Back to the story-I met her through a mutual friend and we hit it off INSTANTLY and quickly began dating.Our time in high school was golden!I would take her on vacation with me,introduce her to my family,have her sleep over my house ..ect.She became a part of my family-even my parents were attached to her! My ex and I applied to different schools.I was accepted to UCLA and she was accepted to a tiny liberal arts school in the midwest.We decided we loved each other enough to keep the relationship going through an LDR,we thought nothing can break us apart. My ex was very much sheltered by her mother and thus was not very "street smart" so to say.She was clumsy at times,forgetful,easily distracted and not really disciplined in consistency. Our first semester apart was indeed tough.I was very bitter about her leaving California for some school in the midwest and i would sometimes berate her school.I understand it was not a wise thing to do and i dropped it afterwards.She promised me that she would transfer back to UCLA after a year.note*=getting into UCLA as a transfer is really really hard. She begins to make friends with the girls in her dormitory.The girls living there were not the best influences in the world,dont really have any sort of ambition and always wanted to have fun.I warned my ex to not let them drag her down to their level.I wholeheartedly supported my ex to have fun and have friends.I just felt more comfortable if she was around a crowd that would foster her personal growth rather than the opposite. As she began hanging with this group,she began having fun every night..going to sleep late yada yada yada.Soon enough her grades were slipping, badly.I pushed her the whole school year to do well in school,helping her out etc...Most of our arguments comprised of her school work and doing well.Now i wasn't exerting this much energy into her own success for my health..i did it because i loved her so much,wanted her to be successful and build up her self confidence in school to become the successful doctor she wanted to be.Because she did poorly her first semester,she gave up on her dream..when all she had to do was study.I was upset that her friends deterred her from her aspiration.Because of her friends she got into a car a with drunk drivers,got her phone stolen once,and even joined a sorority. My ex now has no direction-no true aspiration.When i dated her i cared for her as a whole being cared for her health,her happiness and her success in school.I was never trying to be "her parent" as she would say.I just tried to help her find her footing and direction.Maybe i just cared too much..thats the problem. In the last month of our relationship she joined a sorority (after being upset at me wanting to pledge at a fraternity) and quickly began to go to parties.At a party she met this guy who like her was of French descent,tall,and big curly hair-everything she is attracted to in a man.Me not being french,or having curly hair became insecure about him ALWAYS hanging out with her and always texting her.I asked her to limit the amount of time she spent with him and she said "i was controlling her".For the last 2 weeks of our relationship our arguments centered on her and this guy i dont even know always hanging out..everytime i would call she would be with him and her dormmates.One night she goes to a party and dances with him and i just flip out..she dumps me that same night. Towards the end i was not extremely happy because i felt disrespected by own gf (who confesses her undying love for me everyday through text messages).She could not let go or limit the amount of time with this guy for her own bf.She didnt respect my comfort level at all and felt as though she had no respect for me knowing that i have been cheated on twice and am 2500 miles away.I was soo faithful to her ...i never talked to women,i never danced with women..for godsakes i felt bad looking at another girl all to comfort her knowing she is so far away. The day we broke up..she told me she liked him and wanted to see where things would go with him.On the night of my birthday..she takes him to her sorority formal as her date..that hurt and 2 days later her facebook profile pic is with him..ouch!!!!I went on vacation to clear my head..but she kept emailing me telling me she misses me and loves me and even went to call me baby...all of this messed with my head.When i came home,she flew to calli because school finished and we had our closure.I was so confused because one week she was telling me she loves and misses me and the next she tells me she doesnt want to be with me because "she wants to find who she is and because of the long distance"...all of this was apparenty bull****.She contacted me yesterday after 2 weeks of NC after she found out i got a tat and a bike (go to my other thread thats is here..."i stunned my ex) and she admits that they started "dating" at the end of their finals (after my breakup).I knew that he was the type to feed off breakups..he is a stereotypical frat boy that loves to drink.When my ex lived in Calli she never ever ever touched alcohol and forbid it but is now drinking in college with her sorority.She is in Italy..but i know that when they get back together..they will date. All i wanted from this girl was the ability to take care of her,hold her and protect her..while the first 2 months post-breakup were hard and sappy..i have been sucking it up and doing things that make me happy.At this stage, we tend to think with our hearts and not our brains.All of my friends and family members say its better to let her go and that "i am better than that".I want to know your input..how can i heal (i mean besides NC which i am intiating again).I only wanted her to be happy.. i never tried to control her and wanted her to have fun responsibly!!I feel as though the drastic change in environment has changed her tremendously..and it disapponts me.I feel betrayed that the girl i loved and shared so much intimacy with is now going to be with another guy after all we went through..hard to swallow but i am moving on.While my ego has taken a bruising,I have a sense of self-worth.I am a very good looking guy,know what i want in my life, treat a women like a Queen,and have a great family!!!I am young and i know there are many women who will stick with me and will truly appreciate who i and my imperfections! I am currently at UCLA finishing up..i have done an awesome job in school and am planning to go to medical school soon..where?I have no idea where in the country i could end up..thus it would be long distance for another 4 years again!! Please help me..i lover her..but im moving on and picking myself up..i am better than this
on edge Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 This girl does not deserve you. You will find someone that will treat you with respect, especially if you are a doctor.
Author ryanrabl Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 you are right..but im still in a roller coaster..sometimes i am happy and think with my head and then there are times where i think with my heart..oyy
on edge Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 you are right..but im still in a roller coaster..sometimes i am happy and think with my head and then there are times where i think with my heart..oyy That's perfectly normal. I am sorry that this relationship did not work out. Just go to DiDi Reiss or the Gyspy Cafe with your friends that should cheer you up. Plus, you go to UCLA there are thousands of smart, intelligent, non-sorority girls, and plenty that would love to date someone that is pre-Med.
Author ryanrabl Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Thank you very much on edge..while i know my post is long,can anybody else supplement to what on edge said?
CaliGuy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 So this girl really has nothing going for her. You want to be her "daddy", not her boyfriend. You are too protective, too controlling, etc. That isn't going to create attraction and keep it. She chose a different school and a different path for her life. Now she has chosen another guy. You should be thanking your lucky stars. So she was your first love. This happens all the time. Given that you are at UCLA and there are a ton of smart and beautiful women there, if I were you, I'd seek out local/available women and go out on dates. You'll soon see what many of us see here and that is you are not losing much but have everything to gain. If you re-read what you posted can you not see that? You should feel lucky. We know you love her but in time that will fade. Especially if you meet someone new!
Author ryanrabl Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 you are absolutely right!I will enjoy my life!!
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