highfive123 Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 So I did the whole no contact thing after I was dumped, she said she wanted to be friends, have me in her life and loved me very much. I did no contact for 2 months, went out had fun, tried to move on and secretly kind of hoped she would call me and contact me first. Now I found out she has a bf who she's been seeing, and wants nothing to do with me. Has anyone else had no contact not work for them at all and backfire?
NiceGuy4Ever Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 That was not "no contact." That was merely having a break and then thinking your cool and getting your hopes up only for them to be shattered. I was in the EXACT same situation. My ex still wanted us to be friends and I did too and like you hope we would get back together. BIG MISTAKE. I had of and on contact because I just couldn't resist talking to her. In the end after FOUR months I finally established no contact and am over her and have a new hobby. This is just an example of when our emotions get the best of us. Hope this helps
CaliGuy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 So I did the whole no contact thing after I was dumped, she said she wanted to be friends, have me in her life and loved me very much. I did no contact for 2 months, went out had fun, tried to move on and secretly kind of hoped she would call me and contact me first. Now I found out she has a bf who she's been seeing, and wants nothing to do with me. Has anyone else had no contact not work for them at all and backfire? It doesn't appear that you understand what NO CONTACT means and is for. NC is to help you heal and move on with your life. Period. End of story. It is not meant (and never has been) as a way to "manipulate" your ex back into your life. If you implemented NC and she moved on with her life, then you both were never meant to be. Use NC the way it was intended. To heal and move on with your life as quickly as possible.
BCCA Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Seems like the purpose of NC gets confused a lot. I see a lot of these posts, people doing NC because they think it makes your ex change their mind and come back. Its sole purpose is for you to heal and move on. If you implemented NC and she moved on with her life, then you both were never meant to be. Very true, although chances are, if she dumped you - it wasnt meant to be anyway.
caz83 Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I think that break ups can go 2 ways. The dumper can realise they miss you and come back, or they dont and you have to move on....and I think that NC is the best way to achieve either of these, it either makes them miss you, but if not it helps you move on. ....But I know this, so why I am finding it so hard to start NC myself!!?!?
BCCA Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I think that break ups can go 2 ways. The dumper can realise they miss you and come back, or they dont and you have to move on....and I think that NC is the best way to achieve either of these, it either makes them miss you, but if not it helps you move on. ....But I know this, so why I am finding it so hard to start NC myself!!?!? Because, you dont want to The chances of someone realizing that they miss you and want you back after dumping you are the same as a company firing you and then asking you back. In other words, they arent good at all. I would say 5% chance at best. And if youre a guy dumped by a woman, its next to 0.
001bh Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 man I'm in the exact same situation but just not as far along as u. I got the whole "i still want you in my life, let's be friends, don't drop off the face of the earth" crap and I really had to think how could someone have the audacity to break my heart and still want this? It's like she'll get what she wants and then extra on top. It's not fair. Although I secretly hope she wants me back and I'm willing to forgive her mistake, I don't think I can live with myself know that she can get to eat her cake. I'm beginning to wish I never fell in love in the first place.
BCCA Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 man I'm in the exact same situation but just not as far along as u. I got the whole "i still want you in my life, let's be friends, don't drop off the face of the earth" crap and I really had to think how could someone have the audacity to break my heart and still want this? It's like she'll get what she wants and then extra on top. It's not fair. Although I secretly hope she wants me back and I'm willing to forgive her mistake, I don't think I can live with myself know that she can get to eat her cake. I'm beginning to wish I never fell in love in the first place. Wanting to be 'friends' is extremely selfish and only benefits her. On top of that, I hope you realize that shes not going to be a friend at all, she just wants to relieve herself of some guilt. NC is the only way to go. Not for getting her back, you have no control over that, but for getting on with your life.
nature Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 No contact works...in helping you heal. But you have to want to heal. You have to want to get over the person. That is what No contact is for. It allows you to detach emotionally and get "yourself back" again. It allows you to rebuild your self-esteem. To feel human again. Rather than still allowing one person out of billions on this planet make you feel down, depressed and worthless....the feelings that often accompany being dumped. No contact is not about your ex. It is not about anyone else but you. As long as you stay in contact with an ex, you don't heal. You don't move on. Because you are stuck in hope and desperation. Going No contact is taking a stand for yourself in saying, I am going to heal and move on with my life. It has nothing to do with the other person. It's not about making them want you back, making them miss you, or anything like that. It is about you. So yes, it works if you want it to work. It did wonders for me. I finally found myself again and was able to separate myself emotionally from my ex. Yes, I still miss him. But not in the sick, tortured way I did when we first split. Take care
Soul Bear Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 sorry to bump an old thread, but i thought i would add my bit to this... I first went NC to win her back as she went into a rebound, i was sick of contacting her all the time and getting rejected. Was time to pick up the peices and move on. Since i have been NC, almost 2 months now, I have had a total of 3 emails. The last one being a friend request on facebook on my birthday. (what a ****ing joke!) I declined it and am still in NC, moving on with my life. She didnt want me, and im not going to give her the satisfaction of having me as a friend so she can feel better about what she did...no way Im not gonna make it easy for her at all, in fact, she can stew for as long as she likes, an I KNOW its eating at her. She HAS to feel like she is not a bad person!!! 'be my friend and lets forgive each other'- **** off Sop NC started out to win her back, now its to help me, and all about me.
samspade Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 sorry to bump an old thread, but i thought i would add my bit to this... I first went NC to win her back as she went into a rebound, i was sick of contacting her all the time and getting rejected. Was time to pick up the peices and move on. Since i have been NC, almost 2 months now, I have had a total of 3 emails. The last one being a friend request on facebook on my birthday. (what a ****ing joke!) I declined it and am still in NC, moving on with my life. She didnt want me, and im not going to give her the satisfaction of having me as a friend so she can feel better about what she did...no way Im not gonna make it easy for her at all, in fact, she can stew for as long as she likes, an I KNOW its eating at her. She HAS to feel like she is not a bad person!!! 'be my friend and lets forgive each other'- **** off Sop NC started out to win her back, now its to help me, and all about me. Nice! Now when you've completely forgotten about her, she may come back...but you won't even care. NC is a beautiful thing, but it's like taking terrible-tasting medicine.
georgia girl Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 I don't know if this means no contact worked at all, but my ex did apologize and want to repair our relationship. The problem was, the damage was already done. I don't know what I want now. At first, I was stunned and excited, but now I'm thinking maybe not. Fundamentally, it comes down to this: like many other posters, my reason for going no contact was twofold - I wanted to wake him up and if he didn't, I wanted to heal. I had a really bad day about a week or so ago and for me, that was clarity. I was never, ever going back to the sadness. Someone who loves you may make you cry sometimes, but they're always there to help you dry the tears. He wasn't. He just made me cry. So, he emailed me an apolgy and wants to see me yesterday. I accepted his apology today but told him I would have to think about "getting together." I will probably say no. I can see where the chase has re-energized his interest in me, but I have no faith that it won't fizzle out again. I just don't need that. So, no contact works. But just be careful what you wish for.
Thaddeus Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 It doesn't appear that you understand what NO CONTACT means and is for. NC is to help you heal and move on with your life. Period. End of story. It is not meant (and never has been) as a way to "manipulate" your ex back into your life. If you implemented NC and she moved on with her life, then you both were never meant to be.Seems like the purpose of NC gets confused a lot. I see a lot of these posts, people doing NC because they think it makes your ex change their mind and come back. Its sole purpose is for you to heal and move on... Very true, although chances are, if she dumped you - it wasnt meant to be anyway.These two quotes nail it. That said, IMO there's one thing wrong with both of them: This reference to something that "wasn't meant to be." There is no such thing as "meant to be" or "not meant to be." There's no over-riding fate or destiny which prescribes who is or is not meant to be together. It might sound nice in a book or a movie, but in reality there really is no such thing.
Soul Bear Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Nice! Now when you've completely forgotten about her, she may come back...but you won't even care. NC is a beautiful thing, but it's like taking terrible-tasting medicine. Yeah quite a turn around ey! Although I have not forgotten about her at all, stupid girl still annoys my brain. NC IS AMAZING!!! Im getting stronger and stronger
joerhp Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 These two quotes nail it. That said, IMO there's one thing wrong with both of them: This reference to something that "wasn't meant to be." There is no such thing as "meant to be" or "not meant to be." There's no over-riding fate or destiny which prescribes who is or is not meant to be together. It might sound nice in a book or a movie, but in reality there really is no such thing. Eh I may like to disagree respectfully about not "meant to be" I dont believe theres fate per-say that we have no control over what happens in our lives, that would make everything seem rather pointless wouldn't it? But there are situations out of our control that make 2 people who love each other incapable of being with each other. Some people say true love may overcome all but how many times have you truely loved someone and you have both had to step away. There are tons of people happy in relationships who are still missing their ex's in one way or another. So while there may not be such a thing as "meant to be" or not "meant to be" its not as simple as love will do everything. Back to NC, it works, it depends on your breakup what you will accomplish with it. If your ex cheated on you/did something that you cannot ever forgive then NC is meant to heal you. If you both need time apart to figure out the next step in your life than NC allows you to clear your head (after the initial suffering) and realize what life will be like without that person. I started NC the other day with my ex, we broke up because we are both unsure of what we want to do with our lives, we know we want to be together but we aren't sure where that will lead us. Love isn't a perfect journey. After texting her for the first 2 days being lame and needy, I have decided not to text or call her. Not looking forward to the inevitable call or text when she gets off of vacation, but today I went for a hike by myself, and took inventory on my life, and did not have to worry about being contacted by her and having my day ruined. Its quite theraputic.
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