Jester268 Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 A little about me. I'm a 23 year old male and I recently transferred to a University last fall. When I transferred I picked up a lease in an apartment with a stranger. It was a girl her name was Mandy. I have had roommates for the last 7 years, but I have never lived with a woman before. Mandy and I were complete strangers when we started living together. Although she is extremely attractive (hands down the most attractive woman I have ever met), I told myself that because we lived together I wouldn't get involved with her. I was aware of all the complications that would be involved with dating someone you lived with, and I didn't want them. Despite my logic, I couldn't help but be attracted to her; however, I never acted on these feelings although I think she could tell they were there. Things got interesting a few months later.Being new to the area I had only one friend other than her, and we were spending a lot of time with each other. One day I went to a salon to get my haircut. This was actually the first time I had ever been to a place like that to get my hair cut. I was talking to the cute 22 year old hairdresser during the appointment, and she gave me her phone number afterward. I was surprised to say the least. That sort of thing rarely ever happens to me and it was an amazing boost of confidence. Weeks Earlier Mandy was complaining about how she couldn't walk around the house in her underwear now that she lived with a man. I told her that if she wanted to walk around in her underwear it was fine by me. Later when we were driving back to the apartment after my haircut Mandy brought up the walking around in her underwear thing again. Again as a sort of joking complaint. I told her that she couldn't walk around in her underwear because I demand a certain amount of decency in the household I said this jokingly. Probably 2 days later at night when we were getting ready for bed she started walking around in her underwear. I didn't complain. This marked the turning point in our relationship. From here on out she started trying to seduce me. Eventually I gave in and we got together. We began dating for about 7-8 months. About 6 months into dating we resigned our lease early. Things got serious between us. More serious than I have ever been with a woman, but it didn't bother me because I liked her and I liked us. The only problem I had was that we spent so much time together I never really got to go out and make friends. About 2 months ago, Mandy changed her birth control. Afterwards she became moody and distant and sometimes mean. I basically just brushed it off as her hormones were changing due to her birth control. She got a job because she felt it would motivate her to do better in school. As she started working she eventually started hanging out with her coworkers. There was one guy who worked there that would come on to her quite strong. Constantly telling her how attractive she was and making lots of innuendos. For the last month of relationship mandy became more distant and started hanging out with that coworker more and more. Eventually she dumped me (about 3 weeks ago). I had a suspicion that she was leaving me for the other guy and I found out only a few days later I was right. I have accepted the fact that our relationship has ended and I am ready to move on. Logically I know that she doesn't want to be with me and there really isn't a whole lot I can do about it. however the fact that we live together is making things incredibly difficult. She never brings the coworker (that she is now dating) to the house, but I see her talking to him on the phone all the time, texting him, and she's going out with him all the time too sometimes spending the night out at his place.I can't help but have feelings of jealousy and even resentment. I don't know what to do I'm trying my hardest to forget about her, and I also am trying to find a place to move to. Unfortunately I can't move without someone picking up my lease first. The leasing situation is making this whole thing a mess and in turn making it difficult for me to move on with my life. Sorry this post was so incredibly long.... do you have any suggestions ?
Exit Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Tell her she is welcome to offer the lease to her new guy friend because you would like to leave. Maybe he will take it? You will never move on living in the same place with her.
Author Jester268 Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 I actually did suggest that, but she said no way. I think she doesn't want to make the same mistake of living with someone she just started dating, and I don't really blame her since I wouldn't want to do that again either. I'm trying to do positive things to help me move on. I've started taking a ceramics class and making pottery (something completely outside of my comfort zone, but fun nonetheless). I'm still having problems moving on though, and the fact that I see her all the time and I am constantly reminded that she left me for another man is dragging me down. Not to mention she was my only good friend here, and I have no real support base to fall back on.. I have another question too... I met a girl that lives in the same complex as me. I've talked to her before, but only platonically since I was dating mandy at the time. I recently saw her and got her number, but I'm unsure if it would be wise to start something with her. She's cute and we have the same sense of humor, but I'm afraid that I'm in a place right now where I would be too needy and could potentially scare off a new friendship.
on edge Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I love ceramics. I am amazed that your ex's new guy is comfortable with that fact that she basically lives with her ex. I don't think that I would ever date someone that lived with their ex, that is just strange. And yes, you need to move out. Break the lease if you have to.
Author Jester268 Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 I love ceramics. I am amazed that your ex's new guy is comfortable with that fact that she basically lives with her ex. I don't think that I would ever date someone that lived with their ex, that is just strange. And yes, you need to move out. Break the lease if you have to. Ceramics is awesome. I'm totally terrible at it, but I have fun. It's not that strange to me. This guy has been trying to get with her since she first met him. He has actively said things to try and devalue me and weaken our relationship. Honestly this was his plan from the start. He knew we lived together, but it didn't stop him from pursuing her so I don't see why us living together now is a problem for him since he got what he wanted. In a nutshell it doesn't really matter to him because he just wants to get in her pants. Unfortunately it's not the same for women, so me living with her is a problem. I don't see how I could move on and spend time with other women when I know they probably wouldn't like the fact that I live with my ex-girlfriend. I wish I could just break my lease, but my apartment complex basically told me that I'm obligated for the full term and there is no way I could "buy out" or anything. If I just refused payment it would ruin my credit/renting history not to mention they could sue me and win. Unfortunately I'm a college student and I can't afford to pay rent in two places either. I need to find a subleassor.
Phateless Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 1. I bet she told the other guy that you were "just her roommate" the whole time. 2. Stay with friends until you can find a replacement roommate. DO NOT be there until you can move out.
Author Jester268 Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 1. I bet she told the other guy that you were "just her roommate" the whole time. 2. Stay with friends until you can find a replacement roommate. DO NOT be there until you can move out. You're right that I should go stay with someone else, but I'm new here and I really have noone else to stay with. Also, the other guy knew I was her boyfriend because I met him before. In fact, after I met him (it was like 10 seconds me just introducing myself to him and then he had to go back to work) he went up to her and asked her why she was with someone she had so little in common with. I literally just introduced myself as mandy's boyfriend, and asked him how he was doing and that was it. He just said that to her because he wanted to break us up. In my opinion (which is obviously biased) the guy is a total sleeze.
Phateless Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 You're right that I should go stay with someone else, but I'm new here and I really have noone else to stay with. Also, the other guy knew I was her boyfriend because I met him before. In fact, after I met him (it was like 10 seconds me just introducing myself to him and then he had to go back to work) he went up to her and asked her why she was with someone she had so little in common with. I literally just introduced myself as mandy's boyfriend, and asked him how he was doing and that was it. He just said that to her because he wanted to break us up. In my opinion (which is obviously biased) the guy is a total sleeze. Agreed, but 90% of the blame is on her. Yes he's a dick for trying to break you guys up but she's a bitch for letting him.
Author Jester268 Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 Agreed, The problem isn't men hitting on her. It's her letting them. I mean she's hot there's not a guy in his right mind that wouldn't hit on her. I think I just want to blame him, because I still have some feelings for her. This is an example of a big problem with our relationship. She would treat me like garbage and I would make excuses and place the blame elsewhere.
Recommended Posts