MACABC Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Here is my original post...... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t191663/ So, since posting this, my husband and I have done a lot of talking. He has started trying to fix the issues that I have within our marriage. But, I feel that the trying is minimal.....he has also brought up some things that bother him that I do, and I've tried working on them. Here's the problem....I'm afraid I'm not in love with him anymore. I know you can't make yourself love someone. But, I did love him! I loved him up until 6 months ago. How do I get past this. I want to make my marriage work...I REALLY don't want to give up, but I've given him the issues, I've seen minimal effort from him, but effort nonetheless. And, I still feel like I want to leave. This isn't fair to him....but, I can't get past that I might not be in love with him anymore. Also, for the record, there is no other man. I have been 100% faithful to my husband. Thanks!
Author MACABC Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 We talked again last night...seems like he will be a little upset if we aren't together but he said "If you go, my life will go on....if you stay, my life will go on." It seems like he's pretty indifferent about our staying together. Here is the real kicker. He's a pretty decent husband overall, and a pretty decent father, but he's just kinda there. Not much personality, not fun loving and just doesn't care about much of anything that goes on in our lives. He's being the same way about a divorce. I told him that I can't live with this. He used to be fun loving and out going and he has quit being that way. I need to be with someone who can keep up with me being friendly, outgoing, and enjoys spending time with friends and family. Like I said, he used to be that way, but isn't so much anymore. Anyhow..thanks for listening to me vent. I don't know if anyone has any advice on this (no responses yet), but at least I've come here and said my peace.
Cinnamon777 Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Hey there... I've been married for 8 years, and I realized some time ago that I do not love my husband the way that I want to love or feel love. He is a great guy, he's a pretty good dad... but he just exists. He has no passion. He has no joy for life. He likes to stay in. We don't have any fun. Also, even though he stopped about 6 months ago, he drank excessively for much of our marriage. To sum this up... I decided that this is not the life for me. While I thought at the beginning of our marriage that I could deal with the occasional drinking to excess and that the warm loving feelings I had would be enough - but, after years of living with trying to make things better... trying to support him to stop drinking... trying to help him live his dream... trying to spice things up in the bedroom... the love faded away. I realized that enough was enough. If you are not in love with him... you just aren't. I tried to feel "it" for so long. I told my husband many, many times that I was unhappy and he just didn't do anything to work on our marriage. He was "shocked" to realize that I was REALLY unhappy and wanted to end our marriage. The more we have talked he has come to understand how things have gotten to this point and he feels terrible. I feel bad for him because he is sad... but I spend much time being sad and grieving over the past few years for the relationship we could have had together. Now... I am working on my life. I've been going to counseling and I have learned that it's ok for me to choose to be happy, even if it means ending my marriage. While I never thought I would get a divorce, I honestly say that now I've made that decision I have felt such a huge relief. I feel happy and excited about my future. My husband and I are and will always be friends. Things are amicable, which I'm grateful for, especially since we have kids to raise together. I wish you luck... but I think you already know in your heart what the right answer is for YOU. Big Hugs!!
LisaUk Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Just had a look at your orginal post. I think there are positives here, he has made SOME effort, I think perhaps you just need to keep talking. Love has a pattern you see, if you love somebody once then that pattern can be reignited. Maybe tell your husband exactly what you need, ask him to take you out dancing/movies whatever, if he doesn't take you, tell him you will go alone and go. Hopefully once he sees you mean buisness, he will finally catch on.
Owl Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Have you INSISTED that the two of you start marriage counseling? It sounds like you may have clearly communicated what you need, and how important it is to you...which is all you can reasonably be expected to do. If he still chooses not to address the issues, then filing for divorce and moving on is an option. As a "last resort", I'd bring in a neutral third party to help the two of you discuss this stuff one last time. If he refuses, or refuses to put any effort in then...call it a day. You've done your best. I know that sounds harsh, but that's about all I can see for you to do here.
OP3Crimsin Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Holy carp MACABC. You sound like my other half that is falling out of love with me. Please, if our situitations are at all alike, help me and I may be able to provide insight! My topic is called, "Where do I go from here? I'm Stuck!"
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