Not the love ace Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Ever since a friend of mine told me she has had a huge crush on me (and that she was in love with me) her attitude hasn't been the same. I told her I was flattered and that I appreciate her telling me this and that I do care for her feelings and love her as a friend but not IN LOVE with her she hasn't really taken too kindly to my feelings. She has expressed to other friends that she is disappointed and she thought I liked her, thanks to her friends telling her I had a thing for her or believed I did but that never came out my mouth and was never true. So when she came out and told me I knew she expected me to tell her I felt the same for her and she probably expected something romantic and possibly me asking her out. Ever since she got the answer from the horse's mouth however, she's been really depressed and know she and her friends think I am a jerk and I don't care. She's tried making sexual advances and making insinuations about us having sex. She's become very desperate to get SOMETHING out of me. The problem is I DO care and even told her how great of a friend and girl she is. Now I am getting annoyed because there's nothing I can do. I'm not going to try and go out with her just so she can be happy and I think I've been nothing but kind to her. As much as I feel bad for her broken and disappointed heart, I just feel that she needs to get over it and over herself and stop expecting something to happen between us when she knows it not. I hate to sound like a jerk but it's the truth. What do you guys think? What do you think I should do?
carhill Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Have you ever had an unrequited love and/or rejection and know how that feels? If no, watch her. That's how it feels. Learn empathy. If yes, recall how you felt. Practice empathy. Talk to her. Tell her you value her friendship and want her to feel better and that you think it's time for her to heal. Suggest that she and you not have contact until she feels comfortable with that on a strictly friendly basis. Hug her and set her free. Others will question why you don't ask her out. I won't. You feel what you feel. I respect that. Now, go respect her
TaraMaiden Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I'm afraid I'd advise the opposite and try to avoid her like the plague. Don't say or do anything that would prolong or enflame any hope. I know it sounds cruel - and I see where Carhill is coming from - but empathy doesn't necessarily entail staying close. Keeping away from her seems the kinder thing to do, if only to hit home that you can't be party to her dreams. If anyone asks you - "Hey, why are you avoiding *Missy*?" you can honestly reply, "Because I think she has a thing about me, I can't reciprocate because I don't feel the same way, so I'm keeping out of her way to avoid further hurt for her. I'm her friend, it's the least I can do." This too shall pass.
carhill Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Suggest that she and you not have contact until she feels comfortable with that on a strictly friendly basis. What language am I speaking here? Hebrew? No contact means stay away
Author Not the love ace Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 Have you ever had an unrequited love and/or rejection and know how that feels? If no, watch her. That's how it feels. Learn empathy. If yes, recall how you felt. Practice empathy. Talk to her. Tell her you value her friendship and want her to feel better and that you think it's time for her to heal. Suggest that she and you not have contact until she feels comfortable with that on a strictly friendly basis. Hug her and set her free. Others will question why you don't ask her out. I won't. You feel what you feel. I respect that. Now, go respect her My friend I have definitely felt rejection but I understood that if they didn't feel the same for me I can only respect that and move on. I am not the type to try and win someones fancy if they're not into me romantically. Like I said we talked about it and I told her I care about her feelings and how I care about, that I value our friendship and told her there's some guy out there who's hotter and better than me. She knew that I just got out of a relationship and the break up was bad and that I am enjoying my single life and want to enjoy it for a while. She knew that. However due to her friends trying their best to hook us up and thanks to them psyching her head up that I like her; she has been disappointed because she thought there was something. It's clearly not my fault because I never made any moves or said anything that suggest I was interesting in her romantically. And I completely REFUSE to go out with someone to make them happy. Why go out with someone if I'm not going to be happy myself? I've been nothing but empathetical, sentimental and genuinely caring. I wanted her to know that I really do care for her feelings. Now I am beginning to get annoyed if she can't respect the fact that I have been respecting her feelings and making sure she doesn't feel like I don't care. However she's been turning me off with her childish attitude and not taking the rejection well. It's only going to get worst if she wants to engage in sexual activities which I don't want with her. Trust me, I've been turned down, rejected, and even been called ugly and not desired. I know how it feels but I think I've been a gentlemen to her and now she's snapping that wire. P.S.: I also haven't seen her or spoken to her in about 3 weeks and I am looking on giving her more time to clear her head.
Author Not the love ace Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 I'm afraid I'd advise the opposite and try to avoid her like the plague. Don't say or do anything that would prolong or enflame any hope. I know it sounds cruel - and I see where Carhill is coming from - but empathy doesn't necessarily entail staying close. Keeping away from her seems the kinder thing to do, if only to hit home that you can't be party to her dreams. If anyone asks you - "Hey, why are you avoiding *Missy*?" you can honestly reply, "Because I think she has a thing about me, I can't reciprocate because I don't feel the same way, so I'm keeping out of her way to avoid further hurt for her. I'm her friend, it's the least I can do." This too shall pass. That is what I have been doing.
carhill Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 However she's been turning me off with her childish attitude and not taking the rejection well Don't worry about this. You've done your part and shown your respect. Continue NC, which means you do not read or listen to any contact by her.
Author Not the love ace Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 Don't worry about this. You've done your part and shown your respect. Continue NC, which means you do not read or listen to any contact by her. Will do, will do.
Noos Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 I respect that you don't want to date her - it's your choice. But I'd like your insight on how you can be close friends with a girl and not fall for her. Is she physically unattractive? Generally, when a woman loves a guy's personality and company - it makes him physically attractive in her eyes - even if objectively, he may only be a 5 to outsiders. Does it not work that way for men? What is it about her that puts you off dating her? I am always intrigued when a guy who is about a 5 rejects a girl who is about an 8 - even though they are friends. What is that about? Again, I'm not attacking your decision. I just want to find out the reason. It must be because you think she is physically lacking right?
carhill Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 I am always intrigued when a guy who is about a 5 rejects a girl who is about an 8 - even though they are friends. What is that about? I won't speak for the OP, but, have you ever kissed a really handsome guy and not felt anything sexual? No passion? Right, it should be there; he has all the bits. But it's not. I've felt this with women. By all rights I should be crawling on my knees drooling on their pumps but I feel nothing, or, at most, love and compassion for a friend. No passion; no desire to rip their clothes off and devour them. Sorry to be graphic. It's a clear difference in feeling. I hope the OP, if still around, can relate his perspective. Most male's attraction style is visual, then sexual, then emotional. Mine is backwards. Without intimacy, I feel no passion, regardless of appearance. I'm just not wired for casual hook-ups. Thank god most men are, since sometimes relationships grow out of them.
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