hey_beautiful Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I guess I came to vent, or maybe as a sort of self discovery. I have been in a relationship for two years with say, John. John is younger than me by nearly two years, professional, and all in all a great guy. I am not this horrible girl, though it may not come off as that way. I need a lot of reassurance, as a lot of women do, and I have the tendency to keep a guard up as not to get hurt. By keeping a wall up, my boyfriend points out that I act fairly mean. I don't notice this often, but I accept it must be there if he tells me so. There have been occasions when I will take a look at how I behave and what I say and so notice that I could do without the snarky comments. The thing is, is that while my boyfriend is a nice guy, he's not that nice. I have never met a person who is nice all of the time. It seems like he wants that from me, when he can't even give that! I have driven him away, I know this. He has stopped caring about my happiness or unhappiness. I'd like to remedy the situation, but pointed out that it takes two people. If he wants me to be nicer, to let my guard down, then he absolutely has to be accepting, and show that if I do, he won't ambush me with his unkindness. He seems to agree to what I say for maybe a day, and then he gives up. He is too lazy to do anything about his side of the deal, but expects me to do it for both of us. He doesn't want to leave, nor do I. But I feel like if he doesn't want to leave, then he has no option but to try to own up to his end of the deal, as far as being supportive and loving so I can let my guard down. He says nothing is in it for him because I won't change. He doesn't realize, even after I tell him, that I recognize the problem...so obviously I want to do something about it. I want him to try. I just don't know what I can say to let him know that if there is a positive reinforcement from his end, there will always be positive things on my end, and visa versa. Any ideas?
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