I have 3 days to show her it can be different...

[takemeaway]

Let me first just say that I dont know whether or not im going to be given a "second chance" or if there is a second chance for me and my girlfriend. She broke up with me last week because she needs some time to be single and focus on herself...shes sorta in a mid-life crisis, and she uses relationships as a crutch. Shes also not sure shes over an ex who treated her like ****. She says because of all that stuff going on, in her head, she cant like me as much as i like her. Fun times.

 

Anyways, ive spent the last few days crying my eyes out, wishing more than anything she'd take me back...until i realized that thats exactly what the problem is. I let myself become a crutch. I let myself be taken off a pedastal because I knew she was going through a really rough time, so I lowered my needs and expectations..and im SURPRISED when she'd consider some girl who was a total witch towards her instead of me?

 

So here is my question. She sees this girl again in THREE short days to decide whether or not she still has feelings for her. Granted, even if she doesn't (which im pretty sure she doesnt..shes just freaked out by how serious we became and fantasizes about something she cant have cause its less scary) she still needs a lot of time to deliberate on whether she can see us being together...whether her feelings will ever match mine.

 

I have realized that begging wont work.

Reminding her how much I did for her wont work.

Calling her crying wont work.

Explaining to her rationally why it would be better to be with ME wont work.

Helping her through all her crap so that she loves me...wont work.

 

 

I know this all sounds terribly obvious, but trust me folks, when you're in it, its a tad bit less so!!! And for three days after having my heart broken, I think I'm doing pretty well!

 

Anyways, so back to the question:

INSTEAD, I've realized that showing her what she'd be missing by NOT calling, NOT being devoted, NOT being hurt, NOT being codependent, NOT being a crutch...is the only way that I might ACTUALLY make her realize that she would miss me, or might consider a relationship that would work and be healthy. I NEED TO KNOW: what SPECIFICALLY CAN I DO?

 

Not call till she calls me

Not make a list of reasons im good for her

Not listen to her whine and complain about her life (yes, she still talks to me for hours everyday)

NOT even flinch when she mentions the other girl.

Not answer every call

Be the first one to hang up the phone

Talk about MYSELF

 

any other suggestions? is ther anything i can say to make it obvious that i now understand what it is that was wrong with how we were going about things?

 

Please dont tell me that I shouldnt be trying to convince someone who doesnt want me to want me...thats the entire point of what Im saying...is that I now realize this, and I want to communicate to her that I realize this...and that we could actually have a much healthier "second chance" where she gets less from me, but loves me more.

 

Thanks

[NiceGuy4Ever]

Well I here's the thing. This will either make her take you back by truly feeling your absence or it will make her just forget about you and all that you stood for. It's a gamble but it's the only way to find out. I'd say establishing No Contact for a good while, no answering anything or seeing her at all. This is very difficult but it's the best way. The reason is because as long as you answer that phone call after the third or fourth time she's called, she knows she has you. That's the plain truth. No Contact is the only way it will get across to her that she is losing you. Hope this helps.

[takemeaway]

thank you for the advice. I agree there is a possibility it will make her forget me... but... id rather her forget me than think that im her puppy dog who will be there no matter what. As for the no contact...I'm going to try :-p its hard. Shes kinda one of those passive people who even if they want something dont go after it...so if she thinks I closed the door, she'll just say "oh well, guess we cant get back together..." and then just go mope and get over it. SO frustrating! Why dont people fight for what they want?

[daileyburgboy]

Take me away that what you think people should do. Definately stop the talking. I'm like you what do I do when they do recontact you. People want what they can't have!!!!!