t0ri Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Which is worse? To be dumped for someone else, or just plain dumped? My ex dumped me, and I could not help but think for awhile, "He'd rather be alone than with me?" Ouch! I think my ex, partially at least, dumped me to see what else is out there since he really didn't know. The majority I've seen here seem to have been dumped for someone else. I haven't. Just been dumped Anyway, opinions?
Taucher Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Hello, I was, like you, just dumped. I dont think that this is better or worse than being dumped for someone else. I am quite positive about things but still sad etc. I think if my gf had been cheating on me, I would have been angry and maybe it would be good to be angry. I take the view that my GF wants to be alone to, in her words, become herself again'. Fair enough. I accept it as a sign that there were issues from outside our relationship which ultimately killed it. I just don't know. Also, there will be people along in a minute who will say 'how do you know there wasn't anybody else?' and stuff like that. Well, there just wasn't.
LisaUk Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Me too! Just dumped, ten months before our wedding (together 18 years). I think in my case my ex has some serious commitment issues going on. I know there wasn't anyone else, he even said "no one else would want me would they?" during the last week before he left! I think if there had of been I would have gone over the edge, I would not have been able to handle it at all as we have only been with each other, since 15 years old. The thought of him being with someone in the future makes me feel sick, so much so that I have had to tell mutal friends that I can't discuss him at all. I too have had the thought that he would rather spend his whole life never seeing me again, which crushes me, but to be honest I think given the way our break up happened and how there are commitment issues involved, I really don't think he has thought it through that far yet. That doesn't mean I think he will come back, I just don't think he realises the consequences of his actions yet. Perhaps your ex is the same?
Exit Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I was plain ol' dumped. I'm pretty sure I'd feel worse if there was another guy involved, but some days I think that would be better, because I'd have a reason to be mad at her and move on. It is hard to know that she would rather sit at home and do nothing than be with me. (and no, it's not my ego telling me that she's sitting at home and not going out with friends, I've spoken to her mom who says she is mainly staying home or spending time with family).
Jester268 Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 My ex dumped me for someone else. They both feel pretty bad either way, but one of the feelings I have is that I was replaced. It leaves me with a whole slew of other emotions that are also negative and suck. One of the good things about being dumped for someone else is that it brings closure. You know she has moved on already so you don't play the "mind game" with yourself that maybe you have a chance of getting back together etc...
scienceguy Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Breaking up and knowing your ex dumped you for somebody else. It feels pretty degrading, and frankly, I worry that it'll happen again. In the other scenario, I know the relationship ended without any weird outside influence.
Author t0ri Posted June 25, 2009 Author Posted June 25, 2009 Well, I got my own question answered. Just found out that my ex is "hooking up" with someone, and I know they've been talking non-stop immediately after he dumped me for the 2nd time in 2 months. They met at work and I had never heard about her, so who knows how long he had been becoming interested in her. Now I've felt both options, and being dumped for someone else is worse, in my opinion. I think being dumped for someone else provides more closure than the other and you're not left wondering what the hell happened. But, you're then left contemplating what was better about the new girl than you; or why starting something new was a better option than working on things with someone who already loved you! I agree Jester, it's a horrible feeling to feel replaced so easily Oh well. She can smell his dirty ass all she wants. Ah, the joy of all of this.
adamt Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 I think to move on quicker it is better they left you for someone else. for less pain probably better they just wanted to leave the relationship. But then you hold out more hope that things can be fixed. My ex just wasnt happy and relationship not working for her. It hurts to think she would prefer to be single than with me. Surely i am not that crap a person? makes you feel that the relationship was a waste.
asuman Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 I think to move on quicker it is better they left you for someone else. for less pain probably better they just wanted to leave the relationship. But then you hold out more hope that things can be fixed. Exactly true. I was "just dumped" recently, and it threw me into a tailspin because the dumping made no sense to me. Things were going great. I was going crazy because I thought, "I know she was really into me, so this decision must have been driven by reasons A, B, or C. Which means that if I can just fix A, B or C or persuade her that they're not good reasons, we'll be dating again!" It killed me. I finally decided to convince myself that what really happened is she simply met someone else. There is no "fixing" that reason, unless I'm about to do something seriously illegal. There's no dancing around it. There's no getting around it. It. Is. Over. So yes, I think it's better to be dumped for someone else.
Joyvke Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Both is not cool. Though if you're dumped by someone else it's a bit easier to move on I think. Then you can be angry and you know "why", if that makes any sense. Only had it happen once, after we were this close of moving in together, he suddenly didn't love me anymore, nothing more, nothing less. I was hoping for someone else in the picture but there wasn't. We still speak very occasionally since he's suffering a depression and all (sought help 2 years after our relation ended), so I think that played a big part in it as well. Though it makes me wonder if he actually really loved me at all.
adamt Posted June 25, 2009 Posted June 25, 2009 Exactly true. I was "just dumped" recently, and it threw me into a tailspin because the dumping made no sense to me. Things were going great. I was going crazy because I thought, "I know she was really into me, so this decision must have been driven by reasons A, B, or C. Which means that if I can just fix A, B or C or persuade her that they're not good reasons, we'll be dating again!" yeah it is hard not to analyse at what point it went wrong and could you have done things differently. I messed up a little bit in a situation. I regretted it but now i look back and think she could have communicated the situation better with me and probably her seeds of doubt were already being sown by then. if she was still into me then i would have been forgiven over the bit i messed up. it wasnt as serious as cheating though. if she left me for someone else it would hurt but i would just accept she fancied hin more than me..etc
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