devestated Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 ok so about 3 weeks ago my ex of 3 years told me he wanted to be "alone" that he needed to grow up and learn to appreciate me etc For the last yr we have been in an LDR due to work issues (he is army) and i think he may have started to believe that it would never work. He was meant to discharge and move here a couple of months ago but was unable to find work in the economic climate and had to stay in the forces, causing us to be apart for at least another yr to 18months. He has said that he feels if he has time alone he can sort his issues ( he has money issues and problems showing how he feels and committing) and then maybe he can just move to be with me when he gets out and everything will be fine. He said he is not interested in being with anyone and doesnt even want to go out and pick up he just wants to be alone to find himself. He told me that he will always love me and that he considers me his one but that everything seems to be against us and the timing is all wrong, but that he doesnt think he will ever find someone more compatable and the he hopes we will at least always be best friends. Anyway he told me all this the day he was leaving to go on an exercise out of phone range, so i have been forced into NC. before all this had happened i had booked to fly over and see him when he gets back from field at the beginning of august. He knew i was coming and i wasnt sure what was going to happen about that as he knew i couldnt refund the tickets. So it has been 3 extremely hard weeks for me as i love this man to death. through all the tears i have realised i have to accept what he says he needs. i do love him and i want him to be happy, if that is not with me i guess that is my burden to bear, however in saying this of course i am hoping he will realise that i am what he wants. i received an email from him on monday as follows Hey sorry i haven't emailed earlier. This is the first chance i have got. How you been? Need to know the dates you are booked to come over. I will be out field to the beginning of august. would probably be better if you came late august as i am not going to be able to get leave as soon as the Ex finishes as we will need to clean up and re pack everything. Field has been ok, been fairly flat out so it has gone fast. Haven't been able to get on to a ph as there are only 3 outside lines and about 200 people trying to get on one when they are available. And of course the sat phones work s**t to mobiles. Anyway hope your ok. I might be going into town on friday to get supplies. if i do i will call you. Take care ex So i sat on it for a few days. Didnt want to seem to eager or needy and i wasnt sure what to say. I know this forum always says there is no hope and no chance of being friends etc. But i want to be optimistic - at least till i see him and can talk face to face and at the very least i want to retain our friendship as we are best friends. everyone says we are the male/female version of each other. As some close mutual friends said - there is no way either of you could settle for another. True in my case but who knows what he is thinking. Anyway i didnt want to seem petulant and rude or like i was trying to punish him either, so i finally replied this morning - 3 days later with the following, Hey spunky monkey! Is good to hear from you. A call on friday sounds good. I will talk to you then. Sounds like i may need to change my booking from what you are saying. i am currently booked to arrive on 1 August. good to hear field has been going fast and is ok. talk to you soon I tried to keep it short and happy (tips from Nuala's post - thankyou!) So what do you guys think? was it the right way to answer? sorry for rambling on i dont want to get my hopes up but i am hoping that someone may think there is a glimer of hope somewhere? surely after 3 yrs the love can't just dissapear...
TaraMaiden Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 No, it wasn't the right way to answer. He didn't use your name, or even a pet name and his e-mail could have been from a colleague. Calling him "spunky Monkey" is way too intimate and personal. Nothing in his mail is personal or intimate. In a communication to an ex- about practical matters, that crossed the line. Now, if I's been him, receiving that, I would have had a sinking feeling, and some irritation. "I am not your 'Spunky monkey'!" would have been my first thought. He was distant and cordial in his e-mail. You should have responded in the same vein. After 3 years, of course it can just disappear. ask anyone who's been in a 10-year relationship. The dumper can switch it off, *click* juist like that. That's why they're gone, see.... Sorry to seem harsh. But it's how I see it, here.....
Recommended Posts