Jump to content

Don't take away my hope... !

Taucher

By Taucher
in Coping

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Taucher Established Member

Taucher

Posted
Posted

Look, I know that people on here say that there is nothing to hope for, and I know that I am probably another poor sap who is falling into that same old trap of hoping and believing their ex will come back. Here is why I like being hopeful.

 

 

  • My gf left me, very suddenly, nearly 4 weeks ago. I know people will say that it wasn't sudden and that she was probably thinking about leaving me 10 years before she even met me or something, but the truth is, she ended it abruptly. Now, she was either 1) thinking about leaving me for ages, but pretending that everything was fine, which is a pretty immature way to behave (I dont care what anyone says - she did not mention a single concern EVER. She did mention marriage, she did get me to pay £2000 for a holiday THE DAY BEFORE SHE DUMPED ME. OR 2) she decided on a whim and went mental and just left me but doesnt know why. Either way, after 4 years of a relationship, her actions were irrational. My hope is a perfectly understandable by product of my brain trying to rationalise the irrational. Hope is all part of the process. I will probably lose hope when I have moved on. I am big enough and ugly enough to deal with this.
  • I met up with her 2 weeks ago. She pretty much admitted that she doesnt really know why she left me but has come to realise that it is more to do with her issues than any problem with us. WELL THANKS FOR THAT! Although I have been a bad boyfriend in some small ways (well, quite a few tiny things actually rather than a few big things. I was always good at the big things).
  • The day she dumped me, we had returned from her grandmother's funeral, which ended in a huge family argument about what a lovely old lady her Gran was (she wasn't). Her Uncle shouted at my gf and I defended her. My GF was very upset and embarrassed. The day before the funeral, she was subject to a disciplinary procedure at work. She works 10 hours a day and usually on Saturday too. All her collegues were disgusted at the way they treated her. She is a perfectionist who hates her job. Much stress.
  • I cant move on for practical reason. Namely, I am stuck in the flat we shared together. It is depressing and I hate it. However, in 2 weeks I am moving into a fantastic flat with friends and I am genuinely excited. Until then, there is not much I can do. I am reminded of her/us/IT every day. Hope helps me to rationalise this too.
  • She has told me that she is making steps to make her better. She has abandoned her 'best' friend who always put her down and was a bit of a bully. She is thinking about quitting her job and getting a less stressful one. She is going to see a councillor, as am I. First one next week.
  • She is moving to a house with a friend which, by coincidence, is a 5 minute walk from my new place. We will bump into each other all the time! It's a part of London which has its own centre and shops and bars and stuff. She will see how much better I am and see that I am actually quite a catch, and then she will be back. What she does is of no concern to me.
  • I am hopeful because I have realised that I do genuinely love her. It's taken her leaving me to realise this. I love her so much. When we met up I could not bear to see her cry (which she did alot) so I reassured her that I was fine and I dont blame her and I understand her reasons for walking out on me. Also, when I saw the flat she is moving into (street level, dingy, the less nice end of our long road) I felt really really sad. I wish she was moving into my flat, with its flat screen TVs scattered about and modern decor and fabulous location. With a love like this, how can she not see? SHE WILL. Hopefully. I realise that this is blind faith.
  • I am hopeful beacuse her parents (from what I have heard) are very sad we split up and are actually ANGRY with her. NB this could work against me.
  • I have done 5 days NC now. Not planned, just has happened like that. However, we have so much to sort out (our belongings, bills, moving out) that we cannot go full NC for long. And I dont want to. I am 30. I want to show her I care but show her that I WILL BE OK. And I cant show her these things if we are on NC.

Right, I have re-read what I just wrote and I am not sure what my point is. Another rambling message from me. I am defiant.

 

T

e.clipse Established Member

e.clipse

Posted
Posted

after a couple of years of slitting my heart, i have come to realize that, after a relationships ends, hope is the poison slowly killing you, not the cure remedying your heart.

Ronni_W Established Member

Ronni_W

Posted
Posted
I know that I am probably another poor sap who is falling into that same old trap of hoping ... I am defiant.

The really excellent thing is that you are totally conscious/aware of what's going on for you -- a lot of people are in denial about stuff like that and, IMO, it's the denial that actually keeps one stuck.

 

Sorry to hear of your break-up :(

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

Posted
Posted
after a couple of years of slitting my heart, i have come to realize that, after a relationships ends, hope is the poison slowly killing you, not the cure remedying your heart.

 

That's almost poetic E... very insightful words in that post and so true...

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...