next steps or lawyer?

[unhappychappy]

If she did something silly like OD I would feel awful if it were based on my actions - even though they are the guilty parties.

 

BS - don't get the acronym....?

 

Why does her drug issue cause you to fear she will react any differently than any other BS?

[Reggie]

BS= betrayed spouse.

Here's my take. Your mind can come up with all types of reasons like the one you are putting forth for not telling. I am not sure that her RX problem increases the likeliehood of her doing self harm as compared to any other BS hearing this news. I realize you may feel she has greater access to the medications and that may increase the risk.

The flipside is that by allowing it to continue and depriving her of an opportunity to take steps to stop the affair or cut her losses and move on, you may be causing her even more harm by not telling her. And, that increased harm may maek it even more likely she does something drastic.

See where i am going with this? It is very specualtive as to what her reaction will be and it is pretty specualtive as to which course of action, telling or keeping mum, is ultimately more damaging. Doing nothing and not telling is just as active a choice as disclosing. It's a difficult decision. But, almost universally, BSs claim that they wish they had been told sooner rather than later. Based on this, it seems that BSs feel that more trauma is caused by being kept in the dark for longer then neccessary.

[2sunny]

i wouldn't have recommended that you make an effort to keep your wife... why?

 

because you had already given her a reasonable boundary of no contact with her other man... and she disregarded you and disrespected you from the start.

 

i honestly don't see her wanting to let him go - i think she'll just cover it up better in the future.

 

if the effort to repair the marriage is going to happen - leave that to her... SHE should be doing ANYTHING and EVERYTHING possible to win back your trust and to rebuild your marriage.

 

anything short of that and she's out! keep close tabs on her... if she was willing to hide it from you after the first time you brought it up - she'll likely do it again. you have now shown her that your boundary means no consequences - she still has the upper hand my friend.