silktricks Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Since another thread started down this lane, I thought I'd open a thread on it. Historically older men have often paired with younger women, and in many countries this is still the case. However, much of American society seems to refer to the older men who choose young women as "dirty old men". Conversely, older women are now more often marrying younger men, yet those pairs seem to be applauded by many of the same people who refer negatively to the older men/younger women pairs. I personally don't give a rip about the ages of people who choose to be together... that said, I really don't understand the attraction. I wouldn't be interested in a younger man - maybe the sex would be great, but I also want to be able to have conversations about things in my past without the guy needing to break out a history book.... Apparently that isn't as important to a relatively large number of men....
clv0116 Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Conversely, older women are now more often marrying younger men, yet those pairs seem to be applauded by many of the same people who refer negatively to the older men/younger women pairs. Just want to point out that the stats I've seen don't bear this out specifically for marriage. Pairing off with, possibly, fornicating with (I just wanted to use that word, sorry) certainly, but MARRY, not so much, so far. There is a really good study from the UK that covers this with nifty charts and a lot of data mining, 1950 (IIRC) to very recent, and actually the trend for marriage is for older men to increasingly marry younger women. The trend to marry with "age indifference" is growing but faster for older man and younger woman pairings so the disparity is not getting less. I suspect for 'common law' and other more casual cases you are probably dead on though. I don't think that data is as readily available unfortunately.
Author silktricks Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 I honestly don't know squat about the stats, and was basing my statement more on personal observations -- never a very reliable source :-). But the women I do know who are either themselves married to or with younger men or else in favor of same, still react negatively to older men with younger women. Why do you think that would be the case?
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Overall, I don't understand the fascination of being with someone with a substantial age gap, like 20+ years. My opinion is gender neutral. Unless people are in the same stage in life, which with a 20+ year age gap would be improbable but not impossible, I guess it's a security/financial compensation trade off for youth/ego stroke as in "I still got it".
angie2443 Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Unless people are in the same stage in life, which with a 20+ year age gap would be improbable but not impossible, I guess it's a security/financial compensation trade off for youth/ego stroke as in "I still got it". This is exactly what it is and I don't see anything wrong with it, as long as the couple in question doesn't pretend like it's something else.
Trialbyfire Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 IMO, the other possibilities are Oedipus/Electra complexes, although it could be in conjunction with the previous reasons.
clv0116 Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 But the women I do know who are either themselves married to or with younger men or else in favor of same, still react negatively to older men with younger women. Why do you think that would be the case? I don't a reliable source for that but I suspect it partly has to do with social conditioning and partly with simple self interest. Local women often show a similar unfavorable reaction to men who date foreign women.
BlackLovely Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I've always preferred dating older men. I will admit that when I was younger, most of the men I was with were much too old for me. I've been through a lot in my life and I've found that older guys are more understanding. The flip side is that most older men with a much younger woman tend to be very controlling. Also, there's a lot of older men that just want to take a young woman to bed and nothing more. Women who like much older men tend to have father issues. My fiance is 8 years my senior. It's frightening how similar his personality is to my father's. Even though he's old enough to be more mature, he is not old enough to be my father. My Daddy always treated me like a princess. The only thing he didn't do was stand up to my mother abusing me. He was just too weak and scared of her. I am his only daughter; I have three brothers. I think I was looking for a man to protect me the way my Dad never did. Society is simply unfair to women. Men can get away with a lot of sexual behavior, including dating young women, that women cannot.
Author silktricks Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 Self-interest--- I suppose so. I don't buy the social conditioning, though, as social conditioning is FAR more likely to approve of older men - younger women than older women - younger men. Look at the movies... You often see men 30+ years older than the leading lady they are starring beside - rarely are those age roles reversed. Like I said, though, I really don't get the desire for the large age difference. I've a close relative who is currently seeing a woman almost 40 years younger than he... I can (sort of) understand her desire for security and money, but I don't get the desire to be with someone so much younger. They seem so.... well.... unformed. Though I suppose that could be part of it... the desire to mold the younger person into their idea of the perfect mate...????
angie2443 Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Society is simply unfair to women. Men can get away with a lot of sexual behavior, including dating young women, that women cannot. Women can date younger men, they just get more flack for it. Anyways, I understand the girls dating older men because of father issues. I did that when I was very young.
angie2443 Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Like I said, though, I really don't get the desire for the large age difference. I've a close relative who is currently seeing a woman almost 40 years younger than he... I can (sort of) understand her desire for security and money, but I don't get the desire to be with someone so much younger. They seem so.... well.... unformed. Though I suppose that could be part of it... the desire to mold the younger person into their idea of the perfect mate...???? I've seen this dynamic play out. I don't think it's healthy. While I think mentors are important in life, I think people need to learn and grow through their own experiences, not be molded by an older person into what that older person finds attractive.
clv0116 Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Like I said, though, I really don't get the desire for the large age difference. I've a close relative who is currently seeing a woman almost 40 years younger than he... That seems a little extreme but if it works for them then good. I felt a little uncomfortable at 24 years gap myself, 18-42, but she was fine with it. I guess it depends on the individuals.
whichwayisup Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 People fall inlove, and sometimes age differences are there. If those two people have genuine love and they're OK with it, what's wrong with that? **Adults I mean..** Not talking 16 year olds hooking up with 30, 40 or 50 year olds..
GorillaTheater Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Biggest gap for me was 33-18. But it's not like we actually "dated", per se.
burning 4 revenge Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Since another thread started down this lane, I thought I'd open a thread on it. Historically older men have often paired with younger women, and in many countries this is still the case. However, much of American society seems to refer to the older men who choose young women as "dirty old men". Conversely, older women are now more often marrying younger men, yet those pairs seem to be applauded by many of the same people who refer negatively to the older men/younger women pairs. I personally don't give a rip about the ages of people who choose to be together... that said, I really don't understand the attraction. I wouldn't be interested in a younger man - maybe the sex would be great, but I also want to be able to have conversations about things in my past without the guy needing to break out a history book.... Apparently that isn't as important to a relatively large number of men.... Yes, well said Thats what Ive been saying.
Alma Mobley Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I really don't understand the attraction. I wouldn't be interested in a younger man - maybe the sex would be great, but I also want to be able to have conversations about things in my past without the guy needing to break out a history book.... Apparently that isn't as important to a relatively large number of men.... That made me LOL. I married a younger man, and yes, the breaking out a history book happens, but rarely, as he is smart and pretty educated. He's mostly clueless as to politics, as they are in their time, I suppose. Not really history. I can only speak for myself but the attraction is that he is hot (a given) and he finds me hot (another given), and we have much more in common than history. We read the same books (classics older than us both), love the same films, and have major chemistry. We are one another's worlds. Perhaps he is mature, or I am immature, but in the end, who really cares. By luck or genes, we look about the same age, so no one has looked at us funny, ever. As far as relationships where there is a 20+ age gap? I would assume the man has a trophy on his arm ala Anna Nicole Smith. Or the woman is rich -- cant lie there. That is a huge gap, and I do not know what the two would talk about, beyond sex. But, even then we don't really know, do we? We are not in their heads or in their relationship, we can only infer. I never thought that the man I'd marry would be eleven years younger... so, there ya go. Make of that what you will.
merry02 Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 I am 28 and my boyfriend will soon turn 47. We've been together one year. We have a lot of strong common interests. Most importantly we can talk about many things, especially the things that bother us. And that usually ends up making our relationship stronger. I am often called an old soul by my friends and maybe that has something to do with why I am with someone older, yet I am with him for who is as a person and not his age. I think what was said about social conditioning in the movies is on target. Right now, National Treasure is on and there is a 16 year age difference in the romantic leads.
mental_traveller Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Overall, I don't understand the fascination of being with someone with a substantial age gap, like 20+ years. My opinion is gender neutral. Unless people are in the same stage in life, which with a 20+ year age gap would be improbable but not impossible, I guess it's a security/financial compensation trade off for youth/ego stroke as in "I still got it". Sometimes two people just click, regardless of age. Have you ever considered that?
Author silktricks Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 Sometimes two people just click, regardless of age. Have you ever considered that? Absolutely, that's got to be true. Some people, however, only are interested in people who are young. This one person I know, a man, is currently dating a woman who is more than 40 years his junior. His last wife was 30 years his junior, and the prior wife was 10 years younger. It's like the women he is attracted to have never changed in age, though he has grown older. Most people (I think) as they age they are attracted to people who are of the same approximate age as they. At least that's the way it is for me. I'm most definitely not attracted to the same age range of men I was attracted to when I was 20 or 30, yet for some people that shifting of age attraction doesn't seem to occur. I don't believe that's a gender related thing, either, as I know women who are also continually flirting with men who are seriously younger than they are.
OpenBook Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 This one person I know, a man, is currently dating a woman who is more than 40 years his junior. His last wife was 30 years his junior, and the prior wife was 10 years younger. It's like the women he is attracted to have never changed in age, though he has grown older. I call this the Hugh Hefner Syndrome. I think Hef does it simply because he CAN. (I think most men would, if they could get away with it.) He seems very happy, and so do his GF's.
Lyssa Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I have always dated men around my age - younger or older by 2 years tops. I couldn't see myself with someone older as at that time, those who were interested in me were always around the age I mentioned. Then years later, I noticed older men being interested in me. So I tried dating older men and I realised, I prefer older men. I am now with a man who is almost 9 years my senior. I love it and I can't see myself going for anyone younger!
Trialbyfire Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 Sometimes two people just click, regardless of age. Have you ever considered that?As I said improbable but not impossible. Looking at it, beyond "still got it" and superficiality aspects, what in the world would the older person see, in someone 20+ years younger? You could easily be their parent!!
clv0116 Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 You could easily be their parent!! Only if you haven't been keeping track of your kids.
Author silktricks Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 Only if you haven't been keeping track of your kids. :lmao:
angie2443 Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 I call this the Hugh Hefner Syndrome. I think Hef does it simply because he CAN. (I think most men would, if they could get away with it.) He seems very happy, and so do his GF's. I think many would, but not most. Also, they'd have to have willing women to have these temporary relationships with and I don't think most women would do that unless their was a good sum of money involved or, the woman had something about her (weight/mental problem, etc) that balanced out the age factor.
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