hey_beautiful Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Why send him a letter? You can't be buddies. You shouldn't treat him with compassion when he had a blatant disregard for you.
Author fabulous_chk Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 Uh, I broke my NC on Day 5. He IM-ed me another number to contact him. I wrote it down. I knew I was gonna call him. I called him while he was driving. He stopped the car and let his cousin drive so he could talk to me. It was a "how are you, what have you been up to call." I really didn't have anything much to say, except that I'm doing great in school and I'm focusing on school. I had a feeling that he wanted to talk about the guy I was seeing, but I deflected his questions. I just told him things are great. (I'm not seeing the guy anymore, but I'm dating other men casually:bunny:). He was not feeling well, really felt lost without his dad. The entire family is in turmoil, they are arguing about the land and who would take care of it. He is going to be there till August, and he sounded almost apologetic. I just said, "That's good. It's boring here anyways." I made it sound that him being away doesn't bother me. And it doesn't. Wish he'd stay there for a year. He kept digging for more information, and I really honestly had nothing to say to him. When I said "Alright, I have to go" he got upset. He said, "What do you mean, alright? You're just going to talk to me for five minutes?" He wanted to talk more. So I told him nonsense stuff, like me taking up swimming lessons and loving it. He said he is going to take me to some water resort, and in my mind I was like wtf? I didn't comment on that. I mentioned that I am going to the gym after talking to him and he told me I should quit my gym and join the gym right across where he lives. I said no. (He knows that the gym only offers a year-long membership. Which is significant - we were about to sign up when he backed out. He knew he was leaving me at that time.) He asked more questions about me and what I have been doing. I said, "Nothing really changed..." and he cut me off. He said, "What do you mean, nothing changed?" It was like he was dissecting every word that comes out of my mouth. I said, "I meant nothing really changed from the last time I called you. I do the same thing everyday. Nothing too exciting. Nothing new. No changes." (Last time I called him I vented about the guy I was seeing. I let him assume what he wants to assume). It seems like he is planning stuff in the future that includes me and, excuse me, I am not going to be his bff. Seriously:lmao:. I am okay with us being apart now, I am doing better and better. This weekend is not bad at all, I usually have a hard time Saturdays and Sundays, but I'm having a great time by myself. I am not saying goodbye to him right now. He is still hurting. He doesn't deserve my kindness I know. But I'm really good friends with my other ex (he's my bff!) and there's no reason for me not to keep this one as a friend (albeit a more distant one. Hope he stays permanently in Greece haha). Thank you for your advice everyone. I will keep reading them as my situation changes. NC if he starts becoming an ******* again.
adamt Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 why do people feel the need to tell/ask the dumper they want no contact? Why do people feel they need to be polite to someone who has hurt them Just go into no contact without telling them and ignore any contact from them. most of the time they only contact you out of guilt or be nosey on what they are missing. they will soon get the message yes his father died but dont forget to look after yourself because you have lost your partner and hurting. make youself priority. My ex is not contacting me and i am not contacting her. we havent talked and decided on it. we have just done it naturally. she is doing it to help me get over her quicker so that i dont get hope and encouragement I am not saying goodbye to him right now. He is still hurting. He doesn't deserve my kindness I know. But I'm really good friends with my other ex (he's my bff!) and there's no reason for me not to keep this one as a friend (albeit a more distant one. Hope he stays permanently in Greece haha). why do you want to keep this idiot as a friend after what he is like. I mean if someone beat you up and physically hurt you would you want to be friends with them?
Author fabulous_chk Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 why do you want to keep this idiot as a friend after what he is like. I mean if someone beat you up and physically hurt you would you want to be friends with them? Because in this relationship we had made good memories. He made a mistake. So did I. The damage is too much for a reconciliation. But friendship is something I can be comfortable with. My ex ex ex (lol!) is my best friend. I really have no desire to enter into a relationship with him again, and that takes away some of the pain. I am about 80% over him. It differs from day to day but i'm getting there.
Author fabulous_chk Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 Yes, I broke my NC again. Well, he caught me online. We IM-ed. Nice, easy conversation, except that he said, "I'm sooo confused" which I immediately stopped by telling him to pray for clarity or something. He kept asking me about the same stuff we spoke about yesterday. I told him my grades have been skyrocketing since I stopped seeing the guy I dated after him. I gave him little details about my relationship with the other guy and he bolted. Said goodnight. I felt down after the conversation. I do not like the "I'm sooo confused" line. He made a decision 3 months ago and he should stick to it. I'm going to pray hard again tonight.
adamt Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 I am about 80% over him. It differs from day to day but i'm getting there. You are kidding yourself, clearly you are 0% over him because later you posted and you were going to send a goodbye letter but it sounds like you really want to stay in contact:- I felt down after the conversation. I do not like the "I'm sooo confused" line. He made a decision 3 months ago and he should stick to it.I felt down after the conversation. I do not like the "I'm sooo confused" line. He made a decision 3 months ago and he should stick to it. You are just staying in contact with him so you cling onto the relationship. 6 months down the line you still wont have moved on and further down the line you will look back and regret why you wasted so much of your time and life on him once you broke up. Because in this relationship we had made good memories. He made a mistake. So did I. The damage is too much for a reconciliation. But friendship is something I can be comfortable with. My ex ex ex (lol!) is my best friend. sorry but best friends dont treat you like this. you are going to get hurt when he finds someone else
Oxydizer Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 Yeah, don't beat around the bush, Tell him straight and be done with it. I would not send an email, call him on the phone or see him when he comes back.
Author fabulous_chk Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 I went NC. No emails, no phone call, nothing. Just went NC.
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