Author kizik Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 kizik, why would you get like this, when we're trying to help you? We're giving you advice from the womans' persective of what it took. I'm not getting like anything - I think it just bothers you to be referred to. I am giving you my own perspective that no one is worth going crazy over to "get" for yourself.
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I'm not getting like anything - I think it just bothers you to be referred to. I am giving you my own perspective that no one is worth going crazy over to "get" for yourself.Remind me not to share my experiences with you again. It's no wonder you're alone. You believe you're a prize but it's not happening for you. Try taking a more human approach to dating, like "oh, I like her, I'm going to ask her out", as opposed to "she thinks she's a prize (which you made up in your head)".
zhsoj Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 This would only matter if Kizik were female and has posted a thread as such. Beyond that, it's kind of moot. And no, I don't give out my number to men who don't call... Sorry, I meant this in the general sense. i.e. understanding universal gender equality.
Author kizik Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 Remind me not to share my experiences with you again. It's no wonder you're alone. You believe you're a prize but it's not happening for you. Try taking a more human approach to dating, like "oh, I like her, I'm going to ask her out", as opposed to "she thinks she's a prize (which you made up in your head)". For someone who spends such an inordinate amount of time "helping" people on the Internet, why is it that you become volatile whenever someone disagrees with you? It's "no wonder I'm alone"? What a silly, reductive statement. If you believe that a man should chase you for two years, that's unrealistic. That is all I said. YOU made it personal.
Touche Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I'm not getting like anything - I think it just bothers you to be referred to. I am giving you my own perspective that no one is worth going crazy over to "get" for yourself. I think my H would disagree with you. He was pretty persistent after my initial call and meeting. He was pretty persistent before that though....when I wouldn't give him my number. And that stayed with me. Also, I stated that there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to dating and you shot back with that there are. There really aren't any hard and fast rules, Kizik. Your approach will eventually work for someone. But if I were a man, I'd want to use the approach that landed me the best results. Anyway, maybe you should just not bother for awhile. I'm not getting that you have a very good attitude towards dating now. And trust me, women will pick up on that.
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Though yourself and TBF may be prizes whom suitors throughout the world may bend over backwards for, understand that a self-respecting man isn't going to waste his time chasing someone who doesn't show interest, regardless of your external circumstances. IMO, persistence equals no life of his own. For someone who spends such an inordinate amount of time "helping" people on the Internet, why is it that you become volatile whenever someone disagrees with you? It's "no wonder I'm alone"? What a silly, reductive statement. If you believe that a man should chase you for two years, that's unrealistic. That is all I said. YOU made it personal.Reread your post and see why I became volatile. Ruby and I shared our dating experiences with you and you come back with the above major attitude problem. As previously stated, I said that each person has their own style and comfort level.
Author kizik Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 Reread your post and see why I became volatile. At least you admitted it. The first step is often the hardest one!
Cora Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 NO! I would never call a guy if he gave me his number.
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Keep handing out your number. Good luck with dating!
Author kizik Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 The need to have the last word is a strong one, eh? The lesson: I won't give my number out to chicks anymore without getting theirs, too.
zhsoj Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Actually the lesson I would attempt to instill is that you should not care about the results in the least. In fact, next time you see a girl, give her your number and then tell her that you like to eat baby unicorns while holding a bottle of whip cream. Before she can process a response simply walk away. Maybe even go to the next gaggle of gals and do the same there. Will someone call you? Depends on what they tell the cops... Will you enjoy yourself a lot more and have awesome stories to keep you happy when you are old? Hell yeah.
Author kizik Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 Actually the lesson I would attempt to instill is that you should not care about the results in the least. In fact, next time you see a girl, give her your number and then tell her that you like to eat baby unicorns while holding a bottle of whip cream. Before she can process a response simply walk away. Maybe even go to the next gaggle of gals and do the same there. Will someone call you? Depends on what they tell the cops... Will you enjoy yourself a lot more and have awesome stories to keep you happy when you are old? Hell yeah. Now THIS is what I needed to hear. Best advice ever!
Yamaha Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 and none of them will. the game is played like this: you chat her up and if you think you see some interest you ask for her number. if she hesitates to give you her number in any way whatsoever and/or hems and haws or asks you for your number without giving hers then SHE IS NOT INTERESTED, period. The girls that do give you their number MAY be interested. You have to call to find out. So true Alpha.
girl68 Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I think so. It seems strange to ask for a date from someone you don't know... but I suppose that's what dating IS. Hehehe yes! You get to know them. Make it seem less date like but not using the word date, just 2 people chilling together doing something cool.
Stockalone Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 ...understand that a self-respecting man isn't going to waste his time chasing someone who doesn't show interest, regardless of your external circumstances. There are people who won't take no for an answer, those are usually narcissists. Just be happy to not be one of them and simply walk away from women who like the kind of man that is full of himself. However, I am not surprised that women don't make the first move and call you. The vast majority doesn't. Follow alphamale's advice and ask the women for their number instead of giving them yours. If they won't give you your number or don't show interest when you ask them out, walk away and don't look back. There is no good reason to ask a woman out twice, but you should at least do it once. And simply handing them your number doesn't count.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Though yourself and TBF may be prizes whom suitors throughout the world may bend over backwards for, understand that a self-respecting man isn't going to waste his time chasing someone who doesn't show interest, regardless of your external circumstances. IMO, persistence equals no life of his own. I showed interest in all cases, but hesitation due to circumstances. None of these guys lacked self-respect -- they had prospects but were selective and chose to zero in on one lucky person, me. Their continued expression of interest (without pushiness) let me know that they really liked me, that I was not just another girl in a long line of potentials, that they were worth the investment of my time and effort.
Touche Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I showed interest in all cases, but hesitation due to circumstances. None of these guys lacked self-respect -- they had prospects but were selective and chose to zero in on one lucky person, me. Their continued expression of interest (without pushiness) let me know that they really liked me, that I was not just another girl in a long line of potentials, that they were worth the investment of my time and effort. Well said. And of course I agree. That's been my exact same experience as I said above. And sure, I may be nothing special or particularly worth putting extra effort into pursuing, but the fact that my H DID put in the extra effort and showed such interest, made him stand out from the rest of the suckers I was used to dealing with as a single person. (Of course all of his other qualities didn't hurt either! ) So, Kiz, do YOU want to stand out as a prince among men? Or do you just want to be like all the others? Some of us are kinda picky, you know? We won't settle for just anyone.
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 No, kizik is the most self-respecting prince in the world, which is why he can't get a date...
Touche Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I think Kiz is a good guy. He's just confused, young and frustrated. Understandable. It'll all work out for you, Kiz. I can tell.
EddieN Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I've given my number without getting the girl's number once or twice, and only because of the circumstances that made it hard to get her number. Neither time I got a call. I usually exchange numbers now, meaning I'll get her number and she'll get mine. I'll contact first, always. I just realized: Only one of my boyfriends pulled me in at first attempt. The others had to approach and ask me out more than once, with gradually escalating flirtation. In those three cases, my hesitation was about circumstances (work situation, recent breakup, etc.), not about a lack of interest in them. Eventually, their persistence and charm won me over. If they had given up after one attempt, we never would have gotten together. This is interesting. See, if I ask a girl out and she turns me down because of circumstances, I just assume she's not interested and move on. It's not that I'm lazy, it's just that I figure why stick with this one girl when she already turned me down? I figure that asking the same girl out on 3 or 4 different occasions comes off as desperate.
butcher's hook Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 NO I do not call guys. If a guy gives you his number he is only half interested or he's one of those lazy types who expect women to do all the work. But guaranteed that same guy will do extra work himself when he finds that one woman that blows his mind. I don't do well with "half interested" he has to be enthusiastic and a phone call my way is the one sure way to see his level of enthusiasm.
bean1 Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I'm a little shocked at the outburst here. There are a lot of women here who are in happy, long-term relationships, are just letting you know what worked for them. There are women who will pursue/chase men, especially lukewarm ones (which, expecting the woman to call first, appears as lukewarm at best). I don't see a lot of emotionally stability with those women either So, the question is, what sort of woman do you want?
amerikajin Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 In most cases, no I wouldn't call him. I'd like to see a less passive guy. It's okay for you to be insecure, but not men -- men have to go out of their way to build up your ego.
amerikajin Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 If you've established a connection already and the woman doesn't have any hangups about calling guys, she might call. But what happens after that is another story. If you're too shy to take risks, she might make the call once but not twice. At some point you have to take the risk and ask her out if she doesn't ask you out first.
Touche Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 It's okay for you to be insecure, but not men -- men have to go out of their way to build up your ego. OMG, you FINALLY get it. Yep. Yeah, that's what it's all about. I really now see why some of the men of The Service (aka LS) are single.
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