tigressA Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 My BF and I have been together for 18 months, much of it long-distance. I've been staying in his family's home for the last several weeks, with the intention of remaining here until the new college year starts at the end of August. I work here part-time and I 'pay my dues' by cooking the occasional meal, which is not a chore to me since I love to cook. I get to see my BF every day and sleep in his bed every night, which is quite unlike how our relationship usually is. Usually he comes to visit me at school every other weekend and we talk almost every night that we don't see each other. I'm starting to go nuts. I'm feeling so tied down right now, being here with him every day. I'm so much a part of his family by now that marriage would seem a mere formality, and it's scaring me. I feel like with every day I'm here I'm digging myself deeper into a hole. I'm starting to snap at my BF and get angry with him for no real good reason. I'm starting to flirt with my friend who recently got out of a relationship. I feel like I would be relieved if I left here. I don't want to feel like this; there are good things about my relationship--the fact that his family and I have grown so close is one of them--and I know I would be throwing all that away if I continue on the path I am now. How can I stop feeling this way?
Thornton Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 If you're feeling trapped now, how would you feel if you and your bf moved in together and got married? It will happen eventually if you stay together - will you be able to cope? If not, it's best to end the relationship now. Perhaps you're just feeling pressured because everything is moving so fast? Or perhaps you feel like you've been sort of absorbed into his family and you aren't yourself any more? Or perhaps you're a bit commitment-phobic and it all seems a bit too real right now? If you feel that you need to back off a bit, go home and resume your LDR, and think long and hard about whether you'll ever be able to sustain a day-to-day relationship with this guy, or for that matter whether you're ready for a serious relationship with anyone.
Kamille Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Or perhaps you're a bit commitment-phobic and it all seems a bit too real right now? Very good point. I've been a welcomed guest in other people's homes in the past, and I can tell you one thing: living in other people's spaces can be demanding. Simply put, their home is not your home and you likely have to be on your best behaviour all the time on top of being appreciative of their welcome. I know this was enough, back then, for me to sometimes want to lose it. So I wonder, is it the relationship or the living situation that has you feeling trapped?
Author tigressA Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 Good points, all. I would say it's a little of both--the relationship and the living situation. The living situation has acted as a catalyst for making me see the big differences between my BF and me. When I'm at school and he sees me every other weekend, we go out and do things; he'll visit his friends for a few hours while I do homework. Being here with him everyday, I'm seeing just how much of a homebody he really is. I almost gave up going to go see my favorite band--No Doubt--in concert on the 26th because it took so long to convince him to go with me that I thought, "I'm not even sure if all this is worth it." I try and share his interests--he's obsessed with soccer, so I sit with him while he watches the games on TV; I'm on the sidelines cheering him on while he plays in the neighborhood games twice a week. But it's so hard for me to get him to do things that I would like to do, even when I account for his tastes--like getting him to see a movie that I think we would both like. Being with him day-to-day like this and seeing how he lives his life isn't anything new--I have stayed with him before--it's just that knowing it is going to go on for another 2+ months that is daunting. I feel like I'm dating a blob that bitches and moans whenever I'd like to get off the couch and go out with him.
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