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Almost 2 months NC, just woke up from a dream of her...I feel like dying.

contax

By contax
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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contax Established Member

contax

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The hurt is too much. I just had a dream where I was running after her in a club, and couldn't find her. I saw her mom with another guy, she looked at me and felt bad. I was running up and down the street and ignored some friends.

 

I read that once you go through a bad break up you never look at love the same again.

 

I'm so scared. She left me for another guy, I keep thinking how they're having so much fun, and I'm dying.

 

This is all on me. I know she wasn't good to be with..no job, education etc....

 

But I think even so she has more fun in life..goes to clubs, has a new boyfriend.....I'm scared shes going to get into hard drugs and crazy things that she wasn't into before...God it's so hard..

 

I know I will get through this, heal and one day find a great compatible girl friend...

 

I've been talking walks and quit cigarettes and drinking. I will stop geting hurt by triggers.

LisaUk Established Member

LisaUk

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Hi, you are not alone! My ex left me 3 months ago and I dream of him every night. Like you I have dreams where i am begging him to come back to me, where he does come back and then dumps me again. It's so horrible isn't it? You wake serveral times a night, your head is going round and round it all and reliving the whole break up again, so you can't get back to sleep. Then in the morning, same again.

 

I wish I could give you some words of comfort and say it stop in time, this being my first break up (together 18 years), I really don't know, but I hope so for both of us.

 

As for worrying about her, that's up to her now, she choose to chuck your protection away, so she must learn to look after herself. She is not you responsibility. You sound like a really caring person and you deserve much better than what she has done to you.

 

Take care.

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contax Established Member

contax

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Thanks so much Lisa, I appreciate it. 18 years is incredible, congratulations and I'm sorry for your loss. I was with mine for 5 years and 4 months. I woke up crying.

 

I've been fine for the past week. It's just when I get triggered...dream, hear people talk about marriage etc.

 

I know that talking helps. Reading stories on here help. I know people have real hardships on the marriage side of things with kids and money.

 

I am grateful for my health, family. I'm excited about my future.

 

I am commited to healing and excercise.

 

Thanks so much Lisa, you helped me alot!

bigworm23 Member

bigworm23

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hang in there man...I too was left by an ex-gf of mine for someone i knew very well. the pain is real and its even worse when it all happens right in front of your face. Take comfort in the fact that there are many, mannny people that have gone through this before you, or are currently going through something similar. It's a (tough) part of life that almost everyone will go through, some more than once. Honestly, after my first gf did that, I was EXACTLY like you..wake up crying from dreams I had about her..but in the long run, it made me stronger. I didn't believe it at the time, but it truly made me stronger. I am now just starting to go trhough a second break up, this time initiated by me (but no less easy on the emotions) and the knowledge and experience I have from the first time around will be what I lean on during these tough times.

LisaUk Established Member

LisaUk

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I'm glad it helped, five years is a long time too and I think you justhave to give yourself time. I'm scared about dating again too, I was with my ex from age 15, I'm now 33, so no idea about dating if you see what I mean. I think when you are ready you will know and I think you just need to trust in another. Not everyone woul do what she has, I know I never would. In all the time I was with my ex i didn't so much as look at another guy. Women like me do exist, I believe in commitment and working issues out, not running into the arms of another when the going gets tough. Just trust that this won't happpen againa and when you meet someone right for you, you will know.

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contax Established Member

contax

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hang in there man...I too was left by an ex-gf of mine for someone i knew very well. the pain is real and its even worse when it all happens right in front of your face. Take comfort in the fact that there are many, mannny people that have gone through this before you, or are currently going through something similar. It's a (tough) part of life that almost everyone will go through, some more than once. Honestly, after my first gf did that, I was EXACTLY like you..wake up crying from dreams I had about her..but in the long run, it made me stronger. I didn't believe it at the time, but it truly made me stronger. I am now just starting to go trhough a second break up, this time initiated by me (but no less easy on the emotions) and the knowledge and experience I have from the first time around will be what I lean on during these tough times.

 

Thanks so much Bigworm, I appreciate it. Generally I think I'm doing okay now. I will reply more in depth to all your replies (Thanks again Lisa) later today..I'm off to work (which also helps lol)

 

Stay on point everyone!

Much love!

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contax Established Member

contax

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Thanks so much again Lisa.

I had a question - would you ever compromise your integrity for someone new?

 

I have never cheated on a girl in my life, and have always been with people I loved. Part of me feels like I have to lower my standards a little bit, or even be a bad boy type.

 

On second thought, I decided not to do this. I will continue being myself, and true to my values and integrity.

 

Sometimes it looks like the grass is greener on the bad side, but I know they just and accumulate so many more problems.

 

My whole brain flipped when this happened. I am commited to growth, exercise, daily happiness and of course no contact. I never want her back...I just want to be at peace with her out of my head.

 

Thanks again!

scienceguy Member

scienceguy

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Hey,

 

I'm sorry you gotta go through this. The reality is that this set of feelings you have won't go away in short time. It's pretty normal. The only thing you can do is to occupy yourself with other activities. Hang out with your buddies, go work out, take a trip, etc.

 

Allow yourself time to grieve, but physically, drag yourself out there, and enjoy your life. In time, your heart will follow.

 

If it doesn't get better, then seek a counselor.

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contax Established Member

contax

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Hey,

 

I'm sorry you gotta go through this. The reality is that this set of feelings you have won't go away in short time. It's pretty normal. The only thing you can do is to occupy yourself with other activities. Hang out with your buddies, go work out, take a trip, etc.

 

Allow yourself time to grieve, but physically, drag yourself out there, and enjoy your life. In time, your heart will follow.

 

If it doesn't get better, then seek a counselor.

 

Thanks scienceguy.

 

Just now my brother picked me up from a bus stop. It takes me 2 hours to come home from work. He asked me what's wrong and I began to talk with my eyes filled with water. It hurts cause I got so sensitive.

 

I'm scared I'm never going to find a girl as beautiful and pure as her. I was her first. We were together for 5 years - I dumped her out of anger cause she was hanging with this one guy, now shes with him for the last 6 months. 3 days after our breakup - she hooked up with him.

 

I accept responsibility for my actions on the break up.

 

It's been 6 months but 1 month no contact as she stalked me at the bus stop..and things reset...last time we talked on the phone was 2 months ago cause she called 47 times over a 40min period and I wouldn't pick up.

 

I have no intention of getting back with her. I am commited to healing, no contact, working daily, going out with friends on the weekend, no alchocol or ciggarettes anymore (2 weeks :), I haven't looked at her photos intentionally for over 5 months...I haven't contacted her for over 5 months, I take 30 min walks every weekend.

 

I feel I am doing the correct actions. I just want her out of my head.

If my thoughts go there, I don't even dwell.

 

I am going to europe next month and plan to enjoy it fully - swimming, eating good food etc. I will get over this. Thanks again guys!

LisaUk Established Member

LisaUk

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Hi, never comrprimise your nature for someone. It's good to comprimise in a relationship, say if you have different views on things, that's kinda necessary for it to suceed (something my ex needs to learn) but if you are a kind, loving person don't change that and become a bad boy to attract a women. If the women is worth having she will want you for you!

mm4184 Established Member

mm4184

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Hey,

 

I'm sorry you gotta go through this. The reality is that this set of feelings you have won't go away in short time. It's pretty normal. The only thing you can do is to occupy yourself with other activities. Hang out with your buddies, go work out, take a trip, etc.

 

Allow yourself time to grieve, but physically, drag yourself out there, and enjoy your life. In time, your heart will follow.

 

If it doesn't get better, then seek a counselor.

 

I have a question for everyone trying to occupy themselves. My ex and I broke up last September and stopped seeing each other in January and now he hates me for stupid things. Anyways, I feel like it's been so long! Lisa you were in a relationship for 18 years and 5 years for the other.. I was in one for 3 years and I feel like I can't stop hurting! I know I'm way better than when we first broke up (I was a total mess and couldn't function at all) and now I am going out and exercising... but I still have random dreams some nights and I still get sad and depressed because I want to fix whatever issue he has towards me but I know I just have to leave it alone because there's no use. But WHY can't I do that?? What have you guys done to get better and feel happy? I feel like I'm stuck and can't get any better. I do get up and do things but I'm just not satisfied. I want to date but I end up comparing them with my ex who was really not even that great but I still loved him and I want to be WITH HIM even after everything that's happened. :( I'm sorry you are all going through this. I'm glad we aren't alone though.

scienceguy Member

scienceguy

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Contax:

 

Sounds like you're in good shape. Heck, I wish I had that sort of discipline after my break up. I just let myself go pretty badly.

 

mm4184:

 

but I still have random dreams some nights and I still get sad and depressed because I want to fix whatever issue he has towards me but I know I just have to leave it alone because there's no use. But WHY can't I do that?? What have you guys done to get better and feel happy? I feel like I'm stuck and can't get any better. I do get up and do things but I'm just not satisfied. I want to date but I end up comparing them with my ex who was really not even that great but I still loved him and I want to be WITH HIM even after everything that's happened.

 

Yah sounds exactly like me right after my break up as well. I was pretty bummed after my break up and sat around watching lots and lots of TV.

 

As far as I know, you can't do anything about your feelings about your relationship. The only thing you can do is to have a normal life. I know that, in your head, things aren't okay at all, but go to school, work, and hang out with your friends. Pick up a new hobby, travel, and immerse yourself in your interests. This won't stop you from thinking about your ex, but going through the motions of having a regular life will help you to eventually let go of things.

 

Again, allow yourself time to grieve and understand that it will take time to let go (a friend of mine once described dealing with a break up as a lot like chinese water torture--you just want it to be over). But get yourself out there. Go to parties, coffeeshops, and hang out with your friends. All these things will gradually get you moving in the right direction. I think a lot of people here, myself included, need to maintain some perspective. There are other fish in the sea.

 

However, if you really do feel you are "stuck," then seen a counselor/therapist. There's not harm in it, and it can help you get a lot of good tools too.

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contax Established Member

contax

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mm4184:

You have the same time frame as me:)

You broke up since sept haven't talked since Jan

4 months from break till NC.

 

I broke up since Dec haven't talked since April

4 months since break to NC.

 

You my dear ask - What have you guys done to get better and feel happy?

 

- take walks every weekend

- work all week

- read positive books

- talk to my family

- focus 10% on problems - 90% on the solution

- last night I cried..then slept like a plump cat! lol

- I woke up and felt nice!

- don't drink alchohol! It's a downer..like we need that! Psshh lol

Drink juice instead. lol

- If you find your self attracted to others - as you are single now - smile about it..why not?

- careful who you take advice from.... some people can be hurtful..if something works, use it...I read Rebuilding by Bruce Fisher..amazing book on healing through the break up/divorce process.

 

Oh yeah don't date to forget...that helps...but it's better to connect deeper with family and friends...no sexual dates...

 

I plan on comming here on my nc anniversarys monthly. We will see.

 

Some parts of this site trigger me bad - do not go on the infidelity side of this forum unless you want nightmares lol!

 

Be grateful! Put a smile on your face! We'll make it guys!

 

Scienceguy, thanks so much brother. I appreciate that you see discipline in me. Sometimes I don't see that part in me, when I'm in certain mind states. When people point it out, it makes me happy...like why not? I'm pretty awesome...who would want to leave me? lol That's the self esteem we should adopt. I appreciate it, much love and hope all of you get the love you deserve!

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