uphillbattle Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 me and my GF of 3 and a half years broke up and things were looking real good we were well on our way to getting abck together. one night there was a party and we got into an argument not even a real bad one. i went home cause i was angry not wanting to cause a scene. she stayed and ended up sleeping with one of my friends that night well at least i thought he was my friend turns out he never was and just wanted a peice of my girl. so i didnt find this out until 2 months later and me and this girl are pretty much togther. my friend calls me and tells me that she ****ed my buddy. i had told her that i would never be with her again if she slept with someone else earlier on like when we broke up. the reason she never told me right away she says is because she knew she had made a terrible mistake the next morning and just couldnt bare to tell me because she knew she was going to lose me. i had to find out from another good friend. now that i know i cannot figure out wut i want to do. i always told myself that i would never stand for this sort of thing but now that im in this situation im lost. i love this girl to death and im still sure she loves me she. but sometimes i sitll find msyelf cornering he and asking her questions i dont wanna know the answers too like wut she was with when she was with him and stupid **** like that i cant stop thinking of this terrible thing she did. is she a bad person or did she just do a bad thing. am i a chump for taking her back or is there still a really good thing here and maybe our relationship will be better then before. i would love some insight prefereably from someone with experience and knows wut there talking about. i dont wanna be in the dark anymore.
euroguy1212 Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 If you're happy with his thing having been in her, then I guess it can work out. It can be hard to move on, but I think that's a line I'm not willing to cross.
lovelorcet Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 You both are kind of being immature about the whole thing. You were on a break and she can do what she wants. Deal with it buddy.. That's life. On the other hand its kind of low for her to have grabbed a friend of yours... That is more of an issue not that you slept with someone. Just dump her and move on.
Author uphillbattle Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 im disgusted with wut she has done dont get me wrong that will always be in my head tormenting me whether im with her or not its all the same. i just wanna know if im doing the right thing. i wish i could see the future sometimes. i believe in second chances, i know id want one.
Author uphillbattle Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 thing is though we were pretty much back together aside from the fact that i hadnt asked her out again yet. and she did because she was mad at me for getting mad her for her telling people **** about me. she was drunk and wanted to get back at me. my emotions are so f*cked up right now i love her and i ****in hate wut shes done at the same time.
Author uphillbattle Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 i guess my real question should i believe she can change or am i just ****ed lol be as honest as u can
thelostsoul89 Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Idk what to tell you about this one. Hmmm. So youve been in a relationship for 3 years, break up get back together then you have what you say isnt even a "bad" argument and she ****s your "friend"? OVER A SMALL ARGUMENT?! I'm sorry but dont let her use the I was drunk and mad card. And you say she slept with someone else before that and thats why you broke it off in the first place.... She is taking advantage of you big time, and by letting her get away with it twice she will keep cheating on you. And on top of that you had to hear about this "mistake" from your friend 2 months after the fact. If she really felt bad about what she did she would have told you right away. My advice is to leave to her and her cheating ways, find someone who will love you and only wants to be with you, there are plenty of women out there who arent cheating sluts:laugh:
Author uphillbattle Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 no we broke up cause we just werent getting along. and when she ****ed this other guy we were pretty much together i just handt asked her out yet again. and when we broke up i told her if she gets with anyone else i didnt want to be with her anymore not to be an ******* just thats the way i am because we left it open that we might get back together we had the best break up ever. and i didnt find out she screwed anyone else until like 3 months after it happened and we were together. and she did do it cause she was drunk and spiteful but that isnt a reason to me. shes just immature and selfish and she admits it and tells me she wants nothing more then to change for me and she has never done anything in the past to hurt me in anyway. like we fought and **** but always ended on a good note. i just wanna believe that she just made the biggest mistake possible and wants to make up for it by giving me the relationship we both had for the first three years of our relationship where all we ever did was make each other happy. i guess i already know wut im gunna try to do but im just looking for some outside advice, insight or just hope that all could work out. i dunno i feel like such a pussy asking for this i never thought i would need someone elses advice but somethings happened to me that never has happened before and my emotions are actually all ****ed up
on edge Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Idk what to tell you about this one. Hmmm. So youve been in a relationship for 3 years, break up get back together then you have what you say isnt even a "bad" argument and she ****s your "friend"? OVER A SMALL ARGUMENT?! I'm sorry but dont let her use the I was drunk and mad card. And you say she slept with someone else before that and thats why you broke it off in the first place.... She is taking advantage of you big time, and by letting her get away with it twice she will keep cheating on you. And on top of that you had to hear about this "mistake" from your friend 2 months after the fact. If she really felt bad about what she did she would have told you right away. My advice is to leave to her and her cheating ways, find someone who will love you and only wants to be with you, there are plenty of women out there who arent cheating sluts:laugh: Up Hill, I have been in the exact same situation, and thelostsoul's advice is really sound. I think you also need to evaluate why you chose to date someone that treated you so ****ty. I'm sorry that you are upset right now, but you will soon realize that you are much better off. Take care!
iBelieve In Symmetry Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I don't know if I'm too late but I've been in a situation like this and I'm here to advice you to NOT TAKE HER BACK. I have heard all of that before. When she told me she cheated on me she was crying telling me she knew that was the day she was going to lose me and 'you're everything and everything's gone.' Mine was also the revengeful type. I'm telling you, DO NOT GO BACK. You'd think after doing such a horrible thing and giving her a second chance she'd really straighten up her act... BULLSH*T! Not even a month later we got in a huge fight and the next day she went to hang out with him. I know what it's like, dude. It hurts so bad. And believe me, breaking up is the best thing you can do. She already did a horrible thing, this is going to be on your mind forever if you stay in love with her. I know even the thought of not being in love with her is scary. And we lie to ourselves constantly telling ourselves they're sorry and they really do love us, we stop listening to all the bad and only pay attention to the good because reality is just too hurtful. Because deep down we know what the truth is. And it hurts. It kills. It's too much to take. There's this thing called 'freedom of fear', after someone cheats it'll always be somewhere in your mind, bothering you. I'm sure you know this very well. You always wonder the little details of it. It's torturous. They're late, they don't text back, anything and you start suspecting. Even if you're with her and things are going great somewhere in your mind you're still wondering about it, did she like it? Why'd she even do it? Does she find him more attractive than me? At the end of the day, you go to bed mentally exhausted. She starts thinking you're being controlling, jealous, whatever have you and that you're making her go through such a hassle to make you trust her again. When truth is, YOU'RE the one suffering. Freedom of fear is when you break up and stop wondering. It's both good and bad at first but it'll get to a point where it'll only be good. It hurts knowing that it's completely over and that there's a chance she's with someone that very minute. But for some reason, you stop worrying. You stop wondering where she is, what she's doing, why she's not answering you. It's magical. I was always afraid that I'd break up with her and I'd still be wondering those things. But after it sinks in that it's really over and that she's probably with someone else... give it some time, and it does get better. It's weird, it's like as soon as it clicks that it's done, all the questions go away. Over time you stop wondering if she liked it, and the details of it. Of course there's still that empty feeling, the heavy feeling on your chest, lonely sometimes. But it's just part of the grieving process, and someday it'll all be over. I know it seems too good to be true and it even seems like you're not going to be able to take the mere thought of her not being officially yours anymore. And there being a chance of her being with someone else. But listen, man. You can't make yourself go through this. I was with my girlfriend for 3 years. I helped her through everything. I sacrificed so much for her. I did so much for her. I loved her with all my heart. I was always there, always supporting her, always faithful. I never gave up on her no matter what stupid mistake she did. And she cheated on me for 6 months, HALF A YEAR. And it wasn't a one night thing, either. She was DATING someone else behind my back, and I had no idea. We broke up late April. I'm still very well healing but as time goes, and the longer I go without talking to her the more I realize things. I realized what a b*tch she really is (something I thought I would never think of her), I realized how really it's HER loss, not mine. I realized how there's a woman out there who won't cheat on me, who will cherish me. Who will love me like I love her, and stick with me, through thick and thin. I know all the fears, all the thoughts. I know what it's like to even be disgusted by the thought of you dating someone else. I know what it's like when people reassure you there's someone else out there for you, and all you can think about is how they're [your ex] is with someone else. I know what it's like to truly think and believe with all your heart it's never going to get better 100%, because it's how it feels like. And throughout this whole journey, I've come across surprises. This whole couple of months of healing have been full of surprises. For example, while I was still with her I honestly believed it would be impossible for me to stop talking to her, despise what she did. And as the days go by, the thought of never talking to her again seems more comforting. It's painful, it's long. Some days are better than others. Some days I miss her, some days I hate her, some days I feel absolutely nothing, and some days my heart breaks all over again. But things really have gotten better. It's hard, but believe me there are a lot of pleasant surprises. Sometimes I doubt whether I'm doing this right. One of my biggest fears is being one of those people who after years of NC, still cry as if it was day 1. But after reading over my process, it seems pretty healthy. We can both do this. Remember, you're not alone.
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