Battlewax Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Hi, I'm new here. Stumbled across the board and I've been lurking for the past week or so. Right now, I need some advice. I figured somebody might have some idea of where to go, or at least a point in the right direction. I'll try not to make it to long. My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me several weeks ago. It all started when I lost my job about 6 months ago. I went through a lot of emotional upheaval. Almost like a break up. As time went on I tried everywhere to get a job, man it's tough. I had a lot of savings so that kept me from going under but the longer it goes the more freaked out I get. Her and I were supposed to move in together in July. As time grew closer she got more and more distant. Of course I was looking for emotional support for being out of work. It caused a strain. Did I mention I'm 36 and she's a grad student at 23. I find it rather odd that she fought long and hard to get me, I was against it because of the huge age difference. She stuck it out. I'm not trying to get into her motives but I often feel as if she set unrealistic goals for me and since I didn't follow them to the letter, suddenly we wanted different things out of life. I don't agree but it's a moot point. To make a long story longer, I do find myself thinking about her every now and then, but my job search and friends keep me fairly busy. I often wonder how I truly felt because I haven't freaked out, down yes, freaked out no. Somebody asked if I wanted to get back with her. That is a question I can't answer. Right now, there is no chance. I've been lied to and cheated on with other women, but this one was true. Loyalty means alot to me, I feel that when times were good it was all gravy. When times got bad she bolted. I can't get past that. I am somewhat angry, but not really. I just can't get past the leaving when times were tough. I want to get my stuff back from her, but I'm not really sure how to go about that. Come to think of it, I need to give her the key back. There are no third parties we can go through, it has to be face to face. I'm not sure how to go about that. I want her to know I agree with her decision (albeit for different reasons) and I want my stuff back. I do care about her and wish her the best, but I won't be able to forget.
Exit Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Sounds similar to my situation. I have a hard time being mad at her because she is so right about 99% of it. But I am bitter that she bailed on me as soon as she graduated school and got a nice career lined up. I supported her the entire way and I'm out of a job too. We always said we would help each other out, I helped her get through school and if I was still having trouble finding a job she would be there for me. Not just talking about money, but support in general. You need to get your stuff back ASAP otherwise it will be the reason that you think about her every day. We've been broken up for 2 months and finally just the other week I got most of my stuff back and she is bringing the rest tomorrow. It hurts like hell but it is better than wondering. I kept telling myself she was keeping my things because she couldn't go through with this, guess I was wrong. Trust me I feel your pain, both about breaking up and about being out of work for too long. My self esteem is crushed. She made me so happy that sometimes I wasn't even looking that hard for a job because I had money put away and I loved having all the time to spend with her, but now she's gone and I have nothing. Talk to her if you want. Tell her you agree with the breakup and you understand her reasons. If you decide that you want her back, you can tell her that, but don't be a doormat, let her know you won't just be waiting around for her. I will never forget my ex either, it does not feel good.
LisaUk Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Hi, I'm sorry this has happened to you. You could send her an e-mail saying that you agree with the break up and why and ask her to box up your things and mail them as you no longer want any contact with her?
LisaUk Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I should have added, my ex and I were together for 18 years, he left me 3 months ago. He gave lots of conflicting nonsense reasons after he left, not before! (see my thread commitment phobe below, if you like). Anyway I kept calling for explanation, it was such a shock we were supposed to be marrying later this year. Each time I called he got more and more nasty in his reasons until finally he said it was partly because I was too dependant on him as I suffered with agoraphobia and he got bored of not going out much and always going to the same places. (A few weeks before, I asked if it had any part in his decsion and he had said no). I don't know if any of what he has said has been true, he told me so many lies, but isn't that disgusting to give that as part of the reason, to leave someone because they have an illness beyond their control?! ( I started suffering with it as the result of a serious stomach illness some years ago, and in the last year I had started to recover and things were improving with it). So I know exactly how it feels to be left when the going gets tough, you ARE better of without her.
Author Battlewax Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 Thanks, I just need to get the courage up to do it. Guess trying to avoid any painful situations.
Exit Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 he said it was partly because I was too dependant on him as I suffered with agoraphobia and he got bored of not going out much and always going to the same places. (A few weeks before, I asked if it had any part in his decsion and he had said no). Ugh, I feel for you. I deal with social anxiety and my GF put up with it and never said anything about it but I think she got tired of it. In the 2 months since the break up, I made huge improvements and told her that I went out by myself to the store to by clothes, then a few weeks later went to the grocery store by myself for the first time in years, and I told her to give me another chance because she doesn't have to wonder *if* I'm going to change, I already am. But breaking a 20 year long mental disorder for her was not enough. It is a difficult give-and-take situation when at first someone who loves you is willing to put up with your quirks, but eventually gets sick of it. I wish I had started improving sooner. Didn't mean to hijack the thread, couldn't help commenting about that.
Author Battlewax Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 It's cool, if somebody else wants help then by all means go for it. Although, through a friend I found out why she got the way she did. Apparently she thought we were incompatible. Yeah apparently I still matter but we were not friends no enemies.
NopeNah Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 No offense meant by any means.. but, It's your best bet to let this one go. She was looking for a free ride! She's looking for a "sugar daddy" at this point in her life, and that's obvious. Get your stuff together, for YOURSELF! and be done! She's not and wasn't there for the long run..that's my take! Goodluck!
Author Battlewax Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 Wow, ok must remember no drunk typing. I'm surprised anybody could understand that. Let me clarify. Basically our compatibility wasn't good because of the situation. In other words we drifted apart and hadn't been friends in a while. With that said we(she) ended it on where we weren't enemies. Apparently she still cares but the whole compatibility thing has come out of nowhere. I think it's bs, but you. I'm still not sure yet. Something like that. As for the Sugar Daddy, she finishes graduate school at the end of the summer and has a job lined up. Although sometimes I do wonder. Anyways... Her issue is compatibility my issue is loyalty. Apparently they are not mutually exclusive. I plan on trying to get my things back this weekend.
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