Leveller Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 I would be interested to know what people make of the following thread. It runs on for hundreds of pages but the first few (particularly page 1) is well worth a read...especially the posts by Zorba. http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=199355 I think there are some good objective views here. It has certainly given me some food for thought. Any opinions from the good people on LS?
BCCA Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Its basically NC, but with the hopes of them coming back. Problem is, most of the time they arent coming back. So, just going NC and moving on is ALWAYS the best idea
Author Leveller Posted June 16, 2009 Author Posted June 16, 2009 Hi BCCA. Question: Just wondering, have you ever had an ex come back to you that you wanted a second chance with?
BCCA Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Hi BCCA. Question: Just wondering, have you ever had an ex come back to you that you wanted a second chance with? Yup, twice. Same thing happened both times, they left again.
m00nstone Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 I think the theory makes sense, but people are sometimes so fickle and sometimes so predictable that it's hard to apply this to every or even most situations, especially since there are so many factors that play into it. I've had an ex come back after a 3-year break during which I dated someone and he didn't. In the back of my head, I did want a second chance, but it wasn't foremost on my mind for all of those 3 years. Obviously I did think about it right after the relationship ended.
BCCA Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Here is the point of all this reverse psychology/NC stuff: Your ex is far more likely to come back if you dont want them to, or dont care any more. Your ex is less likely to come back if youre waiting to hear from them, or really want them back. At the end of the day, though, they are unlikely to come back for good, and whatever caused the split before will do so again. People really dont change, and if something doesnt work once, it probably isnt meant to be.
Author Leveller Posted June 16, 2009 Author Posted June 16, 2009 You might be right but then again I don't think there's any harm is mentally tooling yourself up for a largely unknown and unpredictable future... The second chances I've had though I'm grateful for though and again they were a mutual split. Wouldn't change anything about them. This time around again mutual split revolving almost exclusively around circumstances-eminantely resolvable with enough time and a wee bit of effort. It might work over the long term it might not...but I think a reconcilliation will happen at some point this year or next. I still think a lot of what was said on that thread has a great deal of merit...I'm not a pychology PhD but I do think the first post and Zorba comments contain some excellent points about human behaviour in a relationship (and friendship) context. They tally with my life experiences to date as well...make of it what you will.
Ronni_W Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 People really dont change, I'd amend that to something like: People don't change unless they want to, and put in the hard work that is required to, change. Otherwise, we'd also have to say that people can't really quit smoking or booze, or change their eating habits. All the emotional and behavioural crap that we do are just habits, too. They tally with my life experiences to date as well...make of it what you will. If everybody is using the same level of emotional intelligence and self-awareness then, yes of course, everything will tally up very nicely . But if the "first poster and Zorba" are in, let's say, kindergarten of emotional intelligence and self-awareness, then we'd be wiser to NOT hold them up as our role-models. IMO.
Author Leveller Posted June 16, 2009 Author Posted June 16, 2009 If everybody is using the same level of emotional intelligence and self-awareness then, yes of course, everything will tally up very nicely . But if the "first poster and Zorba" are in, let's say, kindergarten of emotional intelligence and self-awareness, then we'd be wiser to NOT hold them up as our role-models. IMO. True...and it isn't a level playing field of life expierences but Zorba in particular is on to something fairly fundamental I believe in some of his comments...again going on my own life experiences.
drummerprince81 Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 IMO - its all down to pyschology these days. I just wish I knew all this information when the break up first happened!!!
Nuala83 Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I just wish I knew all this information when the break up first happened!!! Me too Drummer! I would have saved myself from a lot of humiliation.
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