VeryConfused111 Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 so me and my girlfriend of about 5 months or so recently broke up. we go to college together...the last week of school things between us were both amazing and better then they had ever been. then she went on a tour with her music group for a week and we didnt get to talk much at all. i overreacted a little and got frustrated that we werent talking much, and when she got back we ended up having 3 really long talks on the phone over the course of a week or so and a lot more came out. she was having second thoughts because she didnt know if we were communicating that well, she also said that theres this goofy/silly side to her and that she didnt know if she could bring it out in front of me. i told her i definitely wanted to see it...so for the next 2 weeks or so things were different and we didnt talk as much and i was the one who really kept most of the contact going.. finally a week ago today i called her and told her we needed to take a break because things werent going well and she agreed and said she wanted to hang out later that week so she could talk to me in person about it..we talked for a while eventually i told her that she was an amazing person regardless (i was trying to be classy) she said she thought i was an amazing,loyal,caring, respectable and really thought a lot of me and wouldnt say it if she didnt mean it..i casually asked her if there was someone else she said no, and i 100% believe her, thats not her..she just said that even though we said we were gonna work at it that she just couldnt do it, she didnt know why but she couldnt because nothing seemed the same anymore even though she could tell i was making an effort to open up...i told her it was just me being real, not forcing anything.. i really think those long drawn out talks with me trying to plead me case and being too needy REALLY had a huge effect on how it played out. since then though i have learned SOOOOO much about myself and the situation. When i took a step back and thought about it i realized EXACTLY where she is coming from and the mistakes i had made (she made some too, not putting it 100% on myself) its almost like everything has changed for me and is so clear now. - I need to relax, enjoy life more and have a good time. act silly and just be myself and not be so worried about what ppl think - I need to act like more of a man, not be so needy or emotional and act with more conviction and confidence - I didnt hang out with her enough 1 on 1, I didnt hang out with her friends enough, I was overly sensitive and got mad at stupid ****, sorta jealous at times when i shouldnt have been, I've started to work on changed all this and to really help myself improve my happiness on all these levels. I can already notice a difference and I think if, when i've really changed, she saw it too it would change things. I just have been going through SO much at home with financial problems and a broken family relationship that it seems to have effected my life more then i knew and i was blocking her out because of it. She was CRAZY about me a couple weeks before this all happened and i really feel like we could be better then ever if i really worked on everything i listed before and got another chance with her. so guys..here are my questions- 1- how much longer should i wait to contact her? how should i break the NC period? 2- how do i let her know that ive changed, not just for her but for me too 3- handle the first stages of contact? 4- when should i ask her to casually chill/meet up? 5- am i wasting my time? as you can see ive got a lot of questions. thanks so much for the help
NopeNah Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 I'd give a bit more time. How much can one really change in a weeks time? Sure you might know the things you want to change but, nothing has really changed, except your train of thought at this point. Give it some more time and DO those things you want to do for YOURSELF. Goodluck!
justletgo07 Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 so guys..here are my questions- 1- how much longer should i wait to contact her? how should i break the NC period? Wait until she reaches out to you. While you may have proposed the break, it sounds like she wanted it more than you did. Give her time to process what has happened. Don't break NC. 2- how do i let her know that ive changed, not just for her but for me too You'll show her you've changed by actually changing. She'll notice the difference without you having to say anything, especially if they are changes to qualities she didn't like. If you try to tell her you've changed, you're just bargaining and will prove you haven't changed at all. The best way you can show her you've changed is to move on. 3- handle the first stages of contact? First, don't worry about it until it happens. If and when it does, play it cool, and only respond if you're ready. Don't expect instant gratification...it's not going to happen. In fact, don't expect anything at all. 4- when should i ask her to casually chill/meet up? Don't, at least not for a while. Let her make the moves. Otherwise you're going to come off as chasing her, which is what you don't want. Try to wait for her to initiate a meet-up. In the meantime, just keep moving on and letting go. 5- am i wasting my time? If you're torturing yourself and holding out for hope that things will change, then yes, you are wasting your time. From someone who is 9 months into this, I can tell you that there is absolutely no point in waiting around, or hoping. Hope won't bring your ex back.
Author VeryConfused111 Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 thanks for the help guys..anyone else got some advice? im looking for as many opinions possible. definitely gonna keep working on changing for MYSELF. still hopeful that ill get her back, deep down i feel like things could work again, no doubt about it...what do you all think? again, i appreciate any input just trying to pick some minds right now
Surfer Dude Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Ok here goes. She broke up with you likely because there is another guy (people don't just break up for ****s and giggles), and like it or not, women like f*cking around just as much as we do. You better accept it or you'll have a hard time in your life. Secondly, she reframed the situation in accordance with her own agenda: she tried to make you submit and supplicate by changing for her. Dude, never change for a woman or anyone else for that matter. If you need to change, then change for yourself and for the benefit of your own life. 1- how much longer should i wait to contact her? how should i break the NC period? Never and you shouldn't. This is just some chick with whom **** already hit the fan and you'll never have authority and respect with her again. Improve yourself, learn the ways of the women and go meet new ones. 2- how do i let her know that ive changed, not just for her but for me too You don't. What she thinks about you is irrelevant. There are 3 billion women in the world, and if things go badly with one, you can always meet countless others. 3- handle the first stages of contact? Block her everywhere, set your email filters to automatically delete mail from her. 4- when should i ask her to casually chill/meet up? Never. 5- am i wasting my time? In more ways than you can imagine. I don't know if you understand this, but you're coming from a completely wrong mindset about all this, from a frame of supplication and neediness. Women don't respect chumps. It's a dichotomy, but once you change for them, they lose respect for you. I don't know if linking is allowed here, but I suggest you go here http://www.fastseduction.com/discussion/ and post this in the relationship section. Guys there are very smart and enlightened and they can teach you wonders.
Author VeryConfused111 Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 I dont think that theres another guy in her life, i think things just werent working out between us, not everything needs to be worst case scenario. but you did touch on a lot of good points. I can't let her think im changing myself for her..so, if she thinks im changing myself for her and thats a major turnoff how do i let her know im changing myself for ME and not her. Obviously I cant just go up to her and say it but we have a couple mutual friends who could drop a hint, i could say it casually that ive been going through some changes for myself, or should i just man up and show it? any other advice on all of this guys? MUCH appreciated!
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