gecko_gal Posted October 30, 2003 Posted October 30, 2003 hi all* I dont know how this forum works, but im really here to vent my hurt on someone who gave me the impression we would be friends for life, i never thought we would be no more from something as silly as this!. You see id been friends with Debs for about 8 yrs & even though she got jealous of me easily, plus scared away all my other friends, i stood by her,you could say maybe we had too much in common, as this caused me to feel like she was copying me so bad, i may as well have been cloned!.We had are moments were the friendship was rocky, all because she got jealous that i had boyfriends, and well she just scared men away most of the time, as they found her too imature, which, yes she is!. The breaking point was when i met my boyfriend David & she got bitter the more close i got to him, at the time I lived in Scotland & David in England, so we had to visit each other, but when i broke the news to her that i was going to England to move in with him, after some months, thats when she changed!she ignored me, and made me feel id committed a crime!.I tried to explain it dont stop our friendship, she could visit any time, but, no she decided to be spiteful,i was so hurt one night when i heard from another friend, really nasty things she said behind my back,it was on the mobile, and i text Debs telling her i knew, id had enough and our friendship is through!. Now that i live in the life of, living with my boyfriend, i find its rather dull, compared to the life i had, i mean David & i dont have much in common, except the animals, & its hard for me to find any new friends over here, so ive been depressed a lot,i feel like every friend ive ever known has just wanted to hurt & betray me,my life has went from clubbing,cinema,swimming, to sitting watching tv, or going to the pet shop!,me & my friends went everywere together & it was great, i miss that, and my boyfriend just dont understand, he said a friend in needs a bloody nuicince so im better off without them, due to my move, my not so close friends, are rare if i hear from them.i just feel so broken, so lonely now, its horrible, i mean ok i do have David, but its nothing like i had with my friends, at least i could go see good movies with them!.Their is 15yrs age dif with me & David, hes older, and had user friends, so he dont bother now, we just have each other........but is that enough!??. Thanks for listening*
moimeme Posted October 31, 2003 Posted October 31, 2003 we just have each other........but is that enough!??. Clearly not. It's my belief that you should marry/live with the person whose company you most enjoy. I'm not sure what drew you to David, but it doesn't sound like you are very good companions for each other. You seem to be quite young and still wanting to be out having fun all the time and David is a stay-home kind of guy. Right there you have a fundamental difference, particularly if he doesn't like you going out and you hate to be 'stuck' inside. he said a friend in needs a bloody nuicince so im better off without them Gosh, what a prize you got yourself! Still, I suppose if you love him he must have some redeeming qualitites. You need to find some friends and negotiate with him so you can go out with them once in a while. Or maybe you should rethink the whole relationship.
Author gecko_gal Posted October 31, 2003 Author Posted October 31, 2003 i maybe did not explain too well, i have a nice relationship with my boyfriend, but due to at one time being in love, truly in love with the wrong person, for many years, i dont believe in true love anymore, i dont really care, as long as you can get along with your partner without screaming & shouting at each other, thats more of a blessing these days!!!& thats what we have*,i do love David, i just wish i had my ex friend back, as i could talk to her about everything, and now, i have no one to talk to, my other friends told me i put up with Debs **** long enough, but they never knew the nice side of her!.They said & I agree she was too possessive of me, so why the hell would i want her back!?.
autumnlover Posted November 1, 2003 Posted November 1, 2003 Hi, I went through a similar thing like you did. I was friends with this girl for 11 years. SHe tried to copy me all the time and everytime i would get a new boyfriend....she treated it like i did something wrong. She even went as far as asking me to dump my b/f (who is now my fiance) so she could go out with him. She would get the same clothes i would and get the same haircut as i did. It was creepy. She would just come over and stay for hours. No matter what i was doing. It got weirder...she started to sit outside of my house waiting for me to come home when i was out with my other friends or with my fiance. She hated my other fiends. Geez, she was messed up and i am much happier not being freinds with her. If she is talking bad about you, why do you want her as a friend?? I mean...if you think you can work things out, go for it but be careful. tell her exactly how you feel. If it creeps you out that she copies you, tell her. If she doenst like your friends, let her know that she is your friend too and that you wish to have other friends. Is this the first time she has done this???? good luck
Jtizzle Posted November 2, 2003 Posted November 2, 2003 i agree with autumn..u should leave this girl alone...clearly she is not ur friend.. yes jealousy is a natural thing in the world,but she seems to go beyond that. and to talk bad about u behind ur back jus takes the cake.. the motto that comes to mind is..hata's are supposed to talk about you behind ur back,not REAL friends..and if she is talkin about u..she should be woman enuff to say it to ur face. yes, the girl may seem fun to hang around.but if u base ur friendships on backstabbing and jealousy then you and her are perfect friends..if u want tru friends who will be there for u no matter what the prob is and make mistakes,but not do u wrong then u should leave her alone.. it will take u time to get over her..but trust that it is in ur best interest to do so..
ThisGirlNameKD Posted November 2, 2003 Posted November 2, 2003 Before I got married, my sister and I were extremely close (well, we still are). But she was my best and closest friend. However, when I started seeing my now husband, got engaged and was planning to leave New York for Tennessee, she started the same way your friend Deb was. I didn't think she was jealous because I was getting a husband and she was single. I realized she felt threated just like Deb had, and just like Deb, became defensive and started acting out. I reassured her time and time that this won't change things between us. But I went beyond that. I showed her that it wouldn't. When I came to Tennessee I made it a point to call her every week, and go and visit when I can, and not wait for her to come and visit me. And that made the difference. Talk can be cheap. Do you know how many times women get involved with men, and then tell their friends it won't change things between them and it actually does? Plenty. As it has with you. And your guy doesn't sound like one who wants you to have friends or don't see the need in having them. Apparently you stayed friends with this girl for 8 years, so she does have some qualities you like about her. Apparently Deb saw something in you that she admired and wanted to emulate herself. Deb has had you as her closest friend for 8 years, and now here was a guy that you were so serious about that you were willing to move away from her, and you expect her to be jumping up for joy or to be unphased by it? She probably felt that her position as closest friend was threatened, and if you were her only friend, she probably feared being lonely without you. So she acted out to you, and she talked bad about you behind your back. That was all acting out. She not jealous because you have a man and she doesn't. She's jealous of the position your man now has in your life, which would put her in second place or no place at all. I'm not saying you have to hold Deb's hand every where you go or all throughout life, but if you took the time to put yourself in her shoes, and considered her background, you could have reassured her in a better way that your friendship with her was not going to end. Telling her would not have been enough. You could have shown her in small ways that you still cherished her friendship and that you want to remain friends.
Author gecko_gal Posted November 3, 2003 Author Posted November 3, 2003 You see after i did come live with my boyfriend,I tried texting Debs to make amends, but could not get through....i found out from my other friend, that she completely changed her number on purpose cause of me!, i thought to myself thats even nastier than i originally thought she was!,my other friend agreed it was very mean, but even at that i thought, ok i will ask my friend to tell her i dont want to brake our friendship over something as silly as this, but then, to my hurt,she spits it back in my face, saying she dont care & dosent want to know & that i hurt her bad!!!, all ive done my whole life till now is look out for Debs, if she got bullied, id be there, if she was scared, id be there, if she needed cheering up or someone to talk to id be there & it seemed now i look back, all she did was drain me and was ONLY happy if she got things her way. I had to take her out with me at time while i was dating an ex-boyfriend, as she got depressed saying she needed me at weekends, so i went out of my way most of my life to make sure she had fun, & to try and get her a boyfriend, she ended up dating my ex-boyfriends friend at time & we were all happy & everything was nice, ...until he broke up with her, then she blamed me!!!, No, most of you here are right, i AM better off without Debs, as all she did was be selfish,depressing & possessive of me!,unless things went her way, she wanted to make me feel miserable!, but then its not all bad, the past we had was the best friendship id ever had, we always knew what to get each other for birthdays, having lots in common had its fun great points*,at least we knew each others souls so well we could talk about absolutely anything, Deep down its going to take me a painful long while to get over this, as deep down, i miss her, she has been there for me, almost as much as i have for her, you could say, we have saved each others lives!*I have had so many jobs go wrong, that i realised i would have to go elsewhere!, since being here in England, ive got off my anti-depression pills, that had made me feel worse, i have a job that is going well & more pets than i ever dreamed id own*, & a boyfriend who loves & looks after me*, i dont have any close friends here, because i dont really have time to find any, and its not as easy as that!. I just cant believe someone who i knew so long, could turn on me, just like that, i talked things through constant with her, saying id visit, she could visit etc, but no, she would rather forget i ever existed now, im been told by my other friends im being stupid giving a damn, as im best to move on & let her know i dont care either!?
Recommended Posts