enchanted771 Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Please help me figure out what to do with this guy, i am just feeling so nervous. I have been seeing him for 4 months. The last time we were supposed to see each other, something came up with family so he said he had to find out to see if family was coming over late. Well, he ended up getting together with me. The time before that, he had a wedding rehearsal dinner, but we met up after it was over. So, last week i mentioned getting together, he had some plans, but gave me an alternate day to get together. I was upset and told him that if he didnt want to see me, then to please just be honest and tell me, and that i wouldnt be hurt, but deserved to know the truth. I guess he was suprised, and said that he was being honest that he had this planned for months, but that the following weekend, he was totally available for me. So, we had 2 days planned, but i got food poisoning so i had to cancel the first day last weekend (Sunday) were getting together this weekend, but i am getting totally anxious already. I am just afraid that he is going to come up with another excuse to either be late, or act like he isnt totally available for me. What should i do? I have given him plenty of chances to just stop seeing me, if that is what he wants. Maybe its just me, and i need to relax. But i am always so nervous before we see each other.
bac Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 My guess he might see other girls as well. It is common for some types of guys to see 2-3 girls at the same period of time. That is why to set dates is difficult for them. He probably likes you if he continues to see you. That is a general idea about an average guy and I have no idea if it has anything to do with your man.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Enchanted...he's only done the ditching the one time? If he does it all the time, then I'd be worried. But you only mentioned one time if I'm reading right. Don't read so much into it. And just so you know - it's very off-putting for somebody to keep telling someone they can stop seeing you if they want. He might very well still like you, but you're pushing him away by continuing to say those kinds of things. The reason I say continuing is your statement: "I have given him plenty of chances to just stop seeing me, if that is what he wants." Just stop. Take a deep breath, and try to have some fun. It doesn't have to be so serious.
boogieboy Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 1 ditching in 4 months? Youre panicking! Why are you so nervous anyways? Relax. Id start worrying if he sees you for another 4 months without seeing you more often than once a week.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I have given him plenty of chances to just stop seeing me, if that is what he wants. This sort of thing can become a self fulfilling prophecy in situations like this. The more you question things in the way that you are doing, the greater your chance that he will end things. It seems that you are so worried about your relationship that you are subconsciously sabotaging it.
Author enchanted771 Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 Enchanted...he's only done the ditching the one time? If he does it all the time, then I'd be worried. But you only mentioned one time if I'm reading right. Don't read so much into it. And just so you know - it's very off-putting for somebody to keep telling someone they can stop seeing you if they want. He might very well still like you, but you're pushing him away by continuing to say those kinds of things. The reason I say continuing is your statement: "I have given him plenty of chances to just stop seeing me, if that is what he wants." Just stop. Take a deep breath, and try to have some fun. It doesn't have to be so serious. He hasnt actually cancelled on me. He had family committments so he had to come later, and couldnt stay over or something off that nature. But it has happened more than once.
Author enchanted771 Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 This sort of thing can become a self fulfilling prophecy in situations like this. The more you question things in the way that you are doing, the greater your chance that he will end things. It seems that you are so worried about your relationship that you are subconsciously sabotaging it. So, i should stop worrying?? at what point do i question that it is indeed a problem?
Author enchanted771 Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 1 ditching in 4 months? Youre panicking! Why are you so nervous anyways? Relax. Id start worrying if he sees you for another 4 months without seeing you more often than once a week. No, no no he never ditched. He only had to come over later, and couldnt stay over at my house.
Prolix Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I think he's being honest with you. I wouldn't be concerned unless he's flaking constantly or something. Sometimes people lead busy lives with lots of plans. He seems to make time for you, and sets alternate dates (someone who isn't interested won't suggest such things). Relax
Jester268 Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Don't worry about it. You're freaking yourself out. I think the problem here is your self esteem you just assume he doesn't want to see you because perhaps your self image isn't as high as it should be. It seems to me this probably isn't the case and that he probably is busy. You should think of it this way. This guy is busy yet he still wants to make plans with you. He obviously likes you enough to want to make time to be with you so don't worry about it. If he didn't want to see you, he wouldn't make plans and then cancel them he just wouldn't make plans at all. Good luck on your date. I hope you have fun.
Jester268 Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 This sort of thing can become a self fulfilling prophecy in situations like this. The more you question things in the way that you are doing, the greater your chance that he will end things. It seems that you are so worried about your relationship that you are subconsciously sabotaging it. You always seem to give solid advice..
Elizabeth48 Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Really, don't worry. I am kind of the same way when it comes to guys, I take things like cancellations and messed-up plans kind of personally/ feel like it means he isn't making me a priority. Then I realized that some guys are just busy, stuff comes up, and they don't realize that it's freaking you out. It has nothing to do with you and you should just keep your cool, don't take it personally, and hang in there. If he cancels constantly or starts ditching you, then worry, but this is really just a case of a busy guy, I think.
Author enchanted771 Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 He probably would if i would stop badgering him so much.
Author enchanted771 Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Thank you everyone. i guess since he doesnt outright cancel, i can relax. seems he has only did it since summer started. before that, it was never an issue.
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