Owl Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 they tell me that at this moment i am no better off than i was when i first posted, i get that but i am trying here and i know alot more now and have better ideas of what i need to do thanks to everyone here on ls. Please read my signature line. I made it my signature line specifically as a guide for people who come here "trying" when their actions say otherwise.
Author NOTSURE7 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 The wife has questioned his Odd behavior and mood changes. The SIL and BIL are dealing with infidelity and are on their way to divorce so BIL can be with OW. If she talks to SIL at all they will talk about the signs of cheating that SIL missed... it will get the wife thinking. Wife knows about the family history of chaos and cheating. She is going to put the pieces together (if she hasn't already and is just waiting for proof). She ALREADY asked him if he ever cheated. No woman casually asks her husband if he ever cheated during the marriage. There is nothing EVER casual about that question. her and my sister do not talk all that much but yes through me and my other sil she knows all the details of how and what happened.so yes of course i realize it could cause her to wonder. yes w knows my family history and all about my father, i have actually confided in her about that long ago. i agree its not a casual question but with my gambling history she asked it, i dont think its as a result of anything she thinks.again she is not one to hide her emotions.
pollswolls Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 she might take a look but she wont dig,i dont think she beleives i am capable or at the least dosent want to beleive it. If that's the case, you're better than most.
Author NOTSURE7 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 Exactly Misty He'll poo foo this - cuz I've said it before! He is one of those husbands that thinks his wife is naive. :rolleyes:But I am in 100% agreement here with you! Who's to say she doesn't already suspect. Otherwise, Why would she ask?...Not only because of the sil & bil....cuz that alone would make ya question the sanctity of marriage I know a few myself - that turn their heads at their husbands Shenanigans - & only IF it gets out of hand, do they pipe up & put a stop to it. she is not currently turning a blind eye and i dont beleive if she knew that she would.. yes she has questioned the sanctity of marriage and cant beleive that my bil would do that to my sister, she even said she cant beleive a human being can knock someone so far down that they couldnt get up,she also said to me please never cheat on me and if you do you will never see these kids again, now again she is talking in general and not suspecting but our conversations as a result of my sister and bil impending ugly divorce have been real and at times she cant beleive how much i disagree with her on certain things.so yes this all could raise suspicion.
Author NOTSURE7 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 If that's the case, you're better than most. not something i am proud of.
PhoenixRise Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 that is true that therapy will help but it wont make you fall in love again, but it can help if there is still love there and maybe it was just lost along the way somewhere.and at the least it will help me figure out what the hell i really want. yea that gov sanford is some peace of work, although i guess the same could be said for me. he already admitted it all and it was out there i dont know why he is kidding the world. Pot meet kettle I can't even believe you said this.
Author NOTSURE7 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 WOW! I've heard & given a lot of excuses for things in my day...But this takes the cake. Can you hear yourself? How can you do it "On your terms" if you have already said IF SHE CONFRONTS YOU...You will tell her. So the moon & stars have to be aligned perfectly & it must be the third thursday of the month & she must provide one piece of evidence....THEN.....You will tell her.....LOL This is almost comical. I have NEVER been an advocate for telling. So for me to be on this 'bandwagon' takes a lot. Because you have said "If she confronts me"...then I figure, OK you're going to spill the beans when that happens.......Apparently Not! again i was not confronted and if you beelive in not telling why would you think that when i was surprised by a question and totally unprepared i should have just blurted it out.i know i said i would if confronted but this was not something she came to me with, she was asking a general question and i ducked it,yes i was a coward but i want to know that i am ready to go down this path first and when i go down this path am i there to stay or am i there to walk.
Author NOTSURE7 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 Pot meet kettle I can't even believe you said this. in re reading i see what you mean...what i meant was that he had already declared his love for his ow,i dont think he was doing anything but trying to save his political career..
PhoenixRise Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 she is not currently turning a blind eye and i dont beleive if she knew that she would.. yes she has questioned the sanctity of marriage and cant beleive that my bil would do that to my sister, she even said she cant beleive a human being can knock someone so far down that they couldnt get up,she also said to me please never cheat on me and if you do you will never see these kids again, now again she is talking in general and not suspecting but our conversations as a result of my sister and bil impending ugly divorce have been real and at times she cant beleive how much i disagree with her on certain things.so yes this all could raise suspicion. Notsure You are truly delusional if you think this threat was casual. She suspects you of cheating RIGHT NOW. I know you think you know her so well. I think you truly believe that your wife is pretty stupid. Just remember she "thinks" she knows you too. She is wrong. You have no idea what a woman is capable of hiding or doing if she thinks the well being of her family is threatened.
OFGnomore Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Pot meet kettle I can't even believe you said this. No doubt, if it all wasn't media nonsense than at least he was honest because it seems like a lot of MM think what he said when he got caught. But they go with the standard, I love you, it didn't mean anything etc....just to get back to a comfort zone and not mean it all. Just like forsure7 already says he'll do if caught. Wait he said he'll come clean too. Im really confused.
confusedinkansas Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 she is not currently turning a blind eye and i dont beleive if she knew that she would.. yes she has questioned the sanctity of marriage and cant beleive that my bil would do that to my sister, she even said she cant beleive a human being can knock someone so far down that they couldnt get up,she also said to me please never cheat on me and if you do you will never see these kids again, now again she is talking in general and not suspecting but our conversations as a result of my sister and bil impending ugly divorce have been real and at times she cant beleive how much i disagree with her on certain things.so yes this all could raise suspicion. Who are you fooling with this? She has given you every oppportunity to come clean, all you're doing now is digging your hole deeper. hy would you think that when i was surprised by a question and totally unprepared i should have just blurted it out Unprepared? You've been on this forum for how many days now? Look, I'm not trying to bust your balls about this, but I guess that I look at this whole affair thing differently now that I'm out of it & fixing/fixed the damage & then some. I HAVE sat on that peverbial fence. IT SUCKS! I know that. But, maybe because I have been there, & all the things you are predicting & you think WILL happen.....they may not. All you are afraid of is the unknown. A GREAT & VERY REAL FEAR!! But this too shall pass...Kind of like your kidney stone.....Painful, but when it's over, you feel better:)
Author NOTSURE7 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 Notsure You are truly delusional if you think this threat was casual. She suspects you of cheating RIGHT NOW. I know you think you know her so well. I think you truly believe that your wife is pretty stupid. Just remember she "thinks" she knows you too. She is wrong. You have no idea what a woman is capable of hiding or doing if she thinks the well being of her family is threatened. i see your point but i really dont tink so, i think this is all as a direct result of whats going on in my sisters life and that she is seeing divorce forsthand for the first time so she is asking alot about it..if she suspected me she wouldnt be able to function and i can tell when she is happy or not.
Author NOTSURE7 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 No doubt, if it all wasn't media nonsense than at least he was honest because it seems like a lot of MM think what he said when he got caught. But they go with the standard, I love you, it didn't mean anything etc....just to get back to a comfort zone and not mean it all. Just like forsure7 already says he'll do if caught. Wait he said he'll come clean too. Im really confused. never did i say i would say i love you etc to get back to the comfort zone, i said i would come clean,if she confronted me with the facts i would open up and admit it and tell her everything and not just what she wants to hear, i am tired, i really am.
stuckinoz Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 i am tired, i really am. I'm sure you are.......But one thing you are forgetting here as you let us know how naive & stupid YOU THINK your wife is........... NEVER EVER UNDERESTIMATE the power of a woman/wife OR mother!! Do not underestimate her knowledge of what goes on in HER house. Do not underestimate her knowledge of what goes on with HER family members.
PhoenixRise Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 No doubt, if it all wasn't media nonsense than at least he was honest because it seems like a lot of MM think what he said when he got caught. But they go with the standard, I love you, it didn't mean anything etc....just to get back to a comfort zone and not mean it all. Just like forsure7 already says he'll do if caught. Wait he said he'll come clean too. Im really confused. Yep.. the Gov. loves the OW at least he spoke the truth about THAT. I am sure that Gov. Sanford's wife is relieved to know where she stands. She probaly wishes he was not such an a$$ as to say it to the media though. I know that if My H truly loved and wanted a life with his FOW I would want to know it. I am also sure that if Notsure really loves his OW his wife would rather know it too. I would be damned before I would let some man try to: pray himself, therapy himself, or convince himself to be in love with me. It is so insulting and condecending.
Author NOTSURE7 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 Who are you fooling with this? She has given you every oppportunity to come clean, all you're doing now is digging your hole deeper. Unprepared? You've been on this forum for how many days now? Look, I'm not trying to bust your balls about this, but I guess that I look at this whole affair thing differently now that I'm out of it & fixing/fixed the damage & then some. I HAVE sat on that peverbial fence. IT SUCKS! I know that. But, maybe because I have been there, & all the things you are predicting & you think WILL happen.....they may not. All you are afraid of is the unknown. A GREAT & VERY REAL FEAR!! But this too shall pass...Kind of like your kidney stone.....Painful, but when it's over, you feel better:) she is not trying to get me to come clean, if i never talk about my sister we wouldnt even have these conversations, she is not bringing them up, we just get into the conversation. i bring it upon myself really. good parallel with my kidney stone because that hurt like hell...but your right once it passed it felt better, i just think of how much hurt and devastation i will cause and what my kids will think, they are very effected and in tune and the minute they see mommy crying they will know.they still remember the gambling time, they dont know why but they remember that daddy made mommy cry, they are mommies kids when it comes to that. i am extremely afraid of the unknown.i am not afraid of many things in life but i am afraid of the unknown,so i sit on the fence and keep everything perfect in everyones world except mine.
Author NOTSURE7 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 I'm sure you are.......But one thing you are forgetting here as you let us know how naive & stupid YOU THINK your wife is........... NEVER EVER UNDERESTIMATE the power of a woman/wife OR mother!! Do not underestimate her knowledge of what goes on in HER house. Do not underestimate her knowledge of what goes on with HER family members. i am not underestimating her and i do beleive she in her head could wonder, all i am saying is i dont beleive she really thinks i am capable nor that i am going through this right now, as long as i keep on smiling all is good. when she discovered the gambling and the money losses after 5 years it was do to a bank statement she finally opened so i know things are possible.
Author NOTSURE7 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 Yep.. the Gov. loves the OW at least he spoke the truth about THAT. I am sure that Gov. Sanford's wife is relieved to know where she stands. She probaly wishes he was not such an a$$ as to say it to the media though. I know that if My H truly loved and wanted a life with his FOW I would want to know it. I am also sure that if Notsure really loves his OW his wife would rather know it too. I would be damned before I would let some man try to: pray himself, therapy himself, or convince himself to be in love with me. It is so insulting and condecending. you are right and the reaon he told the media was because they uncovered his emails professing his love, he had no choice. i agree that my W should know that if i planned to leave her she would know this.i still bebelive she would tell me to fix it by the way. i dont think she could bear to have her kids without a father in the home.
confusedinkansas Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 she is not trying to get me to come clean, I didn't say she was TRYING to get you to come clean. I meant, she has said things, asked questions & given you OPPORTUNITY...You just choose not to take said opportunity. So on the gambling, she found a bank statement & you had no choice but to tell her because she presented you with hard evidence? Is that what you're hoping for here? Gimmie her email address - all us posters here could put you out of your misery:) (kidding of course - I realized I'm being kinda hard on ya, so backing off & joking a lil)
OFGnomore Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 you are right and the reaon he told the media was because they uncovered his emails professing his love, he had no choice. i agree that my W should know that if i planned to leave her she would know this.i still bebelive she would tell me to fix it by the way. i dont think she could bear to have her kids without a father in the home. Here's your quote: Notsure7 confirms this kind of mentality...men will do anything to have whatever they want, and for a while, this guy evidently wanted both. It's selfish and mean to everyone involved. this man had his cake and was eating it too, he was easily able to profess his love to both his w and the ow,believe me i live it.i think right now his focus is on his W but thats only because she is mad and pressuring him and he knows he must do this to keep the peace and get back to the calm waters we men really love.so yes he will do or say anything right now to get everything back to normal and when that happens is when she needs to start worrying again. I think I read into this that you would do the same if discovered, "keep the peace".
OFGnomore Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Here's your quote: Notsure7 confirms this kind of mentality...men will do anything to have whatever they want, and for a while, this guy evidently wanted both. It's selfish and mean to everyone involved. this man had his cake and was eating it too, he was easily able to profess his love to both his w and the ow,believe me i live it.i think right now his focus is on his W but thats only because she is mad and pressuring him and he knows he must do this to keep the peace and get back to the calm waters we men really love.so yes he will do or say anything right now to get everything back to normal and when that happens is when she needs to start worrying again. I think I read into this that you would do the same if discovered, "keep the peace". Could she bear to have a father who doesn't love their mother in the home?
Author NOTSURE7 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 I didn't say she was TRYING to get you to come clean. I meant, she has said things, asked questions & given you OPPORTUNITY...You just choose not to take said opportunity. So on the gambling, she found a bank statement & you had no choice but to tell her because she presented you with hard evidence? Is that what you're hoping for here? Gimmie her email address - all us posters here could put you out of your misery:) (kidding of course - I realized I'm being kinda hard on ya, so backing off & joking a lil) she gave me the oppurtunity but she was just asking it almost jokingly.. yes she found a bank statement and with all the moving around and depleting of money i had been doing for so long, the game was up and i had no tricks left up my sleeve, i admitted it all and even told her more than she knew.i dont think i am hoping for that here but yes i have thought about that as a way to get me off the fence. lol, if i wanted to write her an anonymous email i could easily do thunfortunately do to my life i have many email addresses..do you just want her phone number? lol
Author NOTSURE7 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 Here's your quote: Notsure7 confirms this kind of mentality...men will do anything to have whatever they want, and for a while, this guy evidently wanted both. It's selfish and mean to everyone involved. this man had his cake and was eating it too, he was easily able to profess his love to both his w and the ow,believe me i live it.i think right now his focus is on his W but thats only because she is mad and pressuring him and he knows he must do this to keep the peace and get back to the calm waters we men really love.so yes he will do or say anything right now to get everything back to normal and when that happens is when she needs to start worrying again. I think I read into this that you would do the same if discovered, "keep the peace". not at all, i was answering that post from the perspective of what a wh would do, i was talking about the govenor there, that was not my post, i was responding on that one..but i never said thats what i would do.
PhoenixRise Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 you are right and the reaon he told the media was because they uncovered his emails professing his love, he had no choice. i agree that my W should know that if i planned to leave her she would know this.i still bebelive she would tell me to fix it by the way. i dont think she could bear to have her kids without a father in the home. Your wife deserves to know the truth regardless of your decision to stay or go. I have no doubt that at least initially she would think and hope you could fix it and she would want you to. That might change as time passes and as the shock wears off. Would you really want your wife to tolerate you in the home just because you are the kids father? I use to think it was paramount for my child to have dad in the home. But after dday I went through stages where I wanted to work it out in part because I did and still do love him but also because he is the father of my child, then I got pissed off about all the lies and blameshifting, SO I LEFT. I decided that the best thing for my child would be to see mommy refuse to put up with BS. I also reasoned that I would do everything I could to be fair and make sure H stayed a part of her life. A child can not and should not ever be a hostage negotiation tool to keep someone in a toxic marriage. She would get over not having you there. So would the kids as long as you did what you needed to, to stay a part of their lives. I know you think you have got everything under control and that you have got your wife pegged but you are sitting on a ticking time bomb.
confusedinkansas Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 she gave me the oppurtunity but she was just asking it almost jokingly.. I DOUBT IT ..do you just want her phone number? lol HEY, I was originally going to say that - but thought it too presumptions of me
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